*****HOT GOSSIP re Seinfeld/Shoshanna!!!!

See below...
                      HOT HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP
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Gossip about Matt LeBlanc... OJ Simpson... Princess Di... Heather Locklear... Seinfeld... Cindy Crawford... Tori Spelling... George Clooney.... Gillian Anderson

MATT LEBLANC ("Friends") "caught the eye of a busty young lady in a chic restaurant. And within 15 minutes the pair were headed hand in hand to the ladies room. They spent almost a half an hour alone... before Matt emerged lookming rumpled and disheveled."(Enquirer) Thoughts: 1) Matt must have a great pickup line, to get a complete stranger to sleep with him in less than fifteen minutes of talking. What do you suppose he says? POSSIBLE TOP PICKUP LINES OF MATT LEBLANC:

1) "Hi, I'm Matt LeBlanc, the star of Friends. You're looking very beautiful tonight. Would you like to go to the ladies room with me?"

2) "Hi, I'm Matt LeBlanc, the star of Friends. I'd like to get to know you better, but it's a little crowded in here. Why don't we both go to the ladies room? More private."

3) Matt LeBlanc, Friends. Want to check out the ladies room? I've never been in one, maybe you could give me the grand tour.

4) Matt LeBlanc, Friends. Why don't we take a romantic walk... to the bathroom.

5) Matt LeBlanc, Friends. I'd like to get to know you better... why don't we go to the women's bathroom?

6) LeBlanc, Friends. Hey, why don't we go to the ladies room? I'll bet you flush a mean toilet!

• LeBlanc. Friends. Bathroom. Now.

.................................................................................. 2) If you go to a famous Hollywood restaurant and there is a long line to get into the women's bathroom, do you suppose that means that Matt LeBlanc is having a long night?

3) I'm still focused on that time. Seduction in 15 minutes! How long do you suppose it would have taken other stars? a) Brad Pitt--2 minutes b) Sean Connery--4 minutes (9 minutes, w/o toupee) c) Jim Carrey--6 minutes (12 minutes, after "Cable Guy") d) Michael Douglas--8 minutes (only if wife is around-- works best under pressure) e) Madonna--3 minutes (but with guys, 7 minutes)

SEINFELD claims he comes up with his "best material" in the middle of the night so he bought his buxom girlfriend SHOSHONNA a life-sized Jerry doll so she won't get lonely when he gets up at night.(Globe)

Thoughts: 1) If Shoshonna isn't getting his "best material", then who is?

2) When the dummy is substituted for Seinfeld, does Shoshonna notice the difference? Or any reduction in performance?

2) If Seinfeld is worried that his YOUNG YOUNG girlfriend thinks him old and lethargic, how do you think he feels when he returns to the bedroom and finds SHOSHONNA and the dummy looking relaxed and each smoking cigarettes?

HEATHER LOCKLEAR makes about $70,000 per episode of Melrose Place.(Globe) Thoughts: 1) $70,000 per episode! If an episode is 44 minutes long without commercials, and figure that Heather appears in about 30 of those 44 minutes, that's about $2,300 a MINUTE! That's almost $40 a SECOND!

2) In the time it takes Heather to blink her left eye on the show, she's already earned enough for a fancy steak dinner!

3) If HEATHER is paid by the minute, do you think producers could save money by using still images of her?

CINDY CRAWFORD's career advice for prospective models: Know what's expected of you and be prepared to do it.(Cosmopolitan) Thoughts: 1) Hm.... but when, where, and how often, and should you insist that the photographer always use protection?

X-Files Gillian Anderson, whose first boyfriend was a Neo-Nazi, said, "I felt if somebody liked me, I was supposed to sleep with them."(Globe) Thoughts: [Gillian sitting around piles of fan mail, two weeks after this is published] "Dear Gillian, I really like you." [opens next letter] "Dear Gillian, I really like you." [opens next letter] "Dear Gillian, I really like you." Gillian looks around. "Jill? I can't weed out all these letters! Listen, can you go through them and just save the Nazi ones?"

TORI SPELLING says that she had a nose job when she was 16.(Star) Thoughts: 1) What exactly does that entail?

2) Do you think she went to the doctor's office, and they showed her a book of noses and told her to "pick one"?

3) What happened to the piece of her nose they cut off? Do you suppose if scientists find it in a million years they can clone some cells and clone a new Tori?

4) Do you think they could clone giant Tori's and put them in TORIASSIC PARK?

GEORGE CLOONEY paid for NUDE LAP DANCERS at a strip club.(Star) Thoughts: 1) I'm confused. A famous star has to pay for nude women?

2) Do you think it would help if Clooney walked around Rodeo Drive in Hollywood wearing a sandwich board which read, "I'm George Clooney. I'm playing Batman in the next Batman movie. Please, someone, go out with me!"

3) Do you think the lap dancers wore high heels? If so, do you think it could, ahem, hurt when they danced in George's lap?

YOUNG WOMEN camp out on OJ SIMPSON's lawn until they get invited inside.(Enquirer ) Thoughts: 1) I express no astonishment that young women everywhere want to flock to OJ's house to make out with the superstar. Instead, I wonder about the mechanics: Do they just go up to his house, ring the doorbell, and say, "We're available?"

2) Do you suppose that OJ's house is like a foreign embassy, with a long line of women snaking around the block, all waiting for entry visas?

3) Do you suppose that OJ has a hunchback deaf-mute butler answer the door while OJ views the visitor from the window, giving a thumbs up or thumbs down?

Prince Charle's mistress CAMILLA PARKER-BOWLES is dressing up in almost the exact same clothes as Princess Di so she will LOOK LIKE DI!!! (Enquirer) Thoughts:

Camilla: "William, Harry, it's me, your mother, Diana."

Prince William: "Check her legs, Harry!"

Prince Harry, grabbing Camilla's legs: "Cellulite! This isn't Mum!"

MADONNA's fathering instrument, CARLOS LEON, has been spotted with at least two other women.(Examiner) Thoughts: 1) Do you think he's free-lancing?

2) If he's going into the fathering business, what sort of a reference do you think he gets from his past employer? Madonna: "He grunts a lot in bed but is very professional, gets the job done quickly."

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See below...
                           HOT HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP
          "OVER 6,900 SUBSCRIBERS AND GROWING!!!!"
                      Rated Top 5% by Point Survey
             Three Stars from Internet Underground Magazine
                       [Composite Sample Issue]

Seinfeld... George Clooney... OJ Simpson... Princess Di... David Duchovny.... Courteney Cox... Heather Locklear....Gina Lee Nolin.... Jennie Garth... Kathie Lee Gifford.. Xena...

KATHIE LEE GIFFORD's sweatshop crisis has made her "lovemaking hotter and more frequent."(Enquirer). Thoughts: 1) I think you have to be pretty sick to get off on something like sweatshops. I can't even imagine how... well, actually, I can:

Kathie Lee: Frank, oooh.... oohhh...

Frank: Just think of the sweaty workers, perspiration dripping off of their hard, well formed peasant bodies...

Kathie Lee: Oooh oooh.....

Frank: Think of the overseer in the sweatshop, his grip tightening on his hard, black leather whip....

Kathie Lee: Frank, I love it when you talk dirty....

Frank: Suddenly, the overseer grabs a supple peasant woman, leers at her while he licks his lips, and says, "You! You are two dresses under quota! Report to the punishment room, and remove all your outer garments!"

Kathie Lee: Oooh Frank, Ooooooh.....!

COURTENEY COX has dumped Michael Keaton, maybe because SHE IS FOOLING AROUND WITH TWO GUYS ON THE SET OF HER NEW MOVIE!!!(Enquirer) Thoughts: 1) The article said that Courteney told Michael that she wanted to be "free" to date other people. But if her movie does badly and dating opportunities decline, do you think she will want to be Michael's captive again?

2) Michael Keaton is starring in a new movie where he plays a wimpy guy who clones himself. If Courteney could clone herself, do you think she would do so just to go out with as many guys as she could simultaneously?

Beverly Hills 90210's Tiffani-Amber Thiessen, who used to go out with Brian Austin Green, was seen SMOOCHING with Jennie Garth.(Star) Thoughts: 1) For those of you who don't watch the show, Brian plays a wimpy sensitive guy who shaves most of his head and wears large hoop earrings. Do you think Brian turned Tiffani off to men?

2) If Tiffani gets hot for women, will Tori Spelling be safe? Or Brandon's mom?

3) Do you think Shannen Dougherty left the show because Jennie Garth was coming on to her?

GEORGE CLOONEY paid for NUDE LAP DANCERS at a strip club.(Star) Thoughts: 1) I'm confused. A famous star has to pay for nude women?

2) Do you think it would help if Clooney walked around Rodeo Drive in Hollywood wearing a sandwich board which read, "I'm George Clooney. I'm playing Batman in the next Batman movie. Please, someone, go out with me!"

3) Do you think the lap dancers wore high heels? If so, do you think it could, ahem, hurt when they danced in George's lap?

YOUNG WOMEN camp out on OJ SIMPSON's lawn until they get invited inside.(Enquirer ) Thoughts: 1) I express no astonishment that young women everywhere want to flock to OJ's house to make out with the superstar. Instead, I wonder about the mechanics: Do they just go up to his house, ring the doorbell, and say, "We're available?"

2) Do you suppose that OJ's house is like a foreign embassy, with a long line of women snaking around the block, all waiting for entry visas?

3) Do you suppose that OJ has a hunchback deaf-mute butler answer the door while OJ views the visitor from the window, giving a thumbs up or thumbs down?

HEATHER LOCKLEAR is said to be ready to get plastic surgery on her eyes if just one person tells her to.(Star) Thoughts: 1) Do you think plastic surgeons could make a lot of money off of Heather by making suggestive comments to her? What sort of suggestive comments would they be?

"Oh Heather, your nose is getting a little out of shape."

"You could use some chin work."

"Your ears are a little too perfectly rounded, have you ever considered the Vulcan look?"

"Did you really intend to only go 25% of the way when you got your chest enlarged?"

"Do you realize how much thinner you'd look without your liver?"

LUCY LAWLESS, who plays amazon warrior "Xena", used to play another part; an erotic role with another woman in "Peach", a 16 minute movie from a series called "Girlfriends: Lesbian Short Films From Around the World."(Globe) Thoughts: 1) If Hercules, Xena's boyfriend, found out about this, do you think Hercules would dump Xena on the spot, or agree to double date?

SEINFELD claims he comes up with his "best material" in the middle of the night so he bought his buxom girlfriend SHOSHONNA a life-sized Jerry doll so she won't get lonely when he gets up at night.(Globe)

Thoughts: 1) If Shoshonna isn't getting his "best material", then who is?

2) When the dummy is substituted for Seinfeld, does Shoshonna notice the difference? Or any reduction in performance?

3) If Seinfeld is worried that his YOUNG YOUNG girlfriend thinks him old and lethargic, how do you think he feels when he returns to the bedroom and finds SHOSHONNA and the dummy looking relaxed and each smoking cigarettes?

Baywatch's GINA LEE NOLIN has appeared in a photo where she's stark naked, her hands bound by tape, and a clothespin clamped on one of her... well, you know.(Globe) Thoughts: 1) A clothespin? Was she posing and doing laundry at the same time?

2) If Gina was doing laundry, do you think she walks naked around the house with wet clothes hanging from her?

3) If Madonna was reading this article about Gina and she saw the bondage photo do you think she would just sniff and turn the page? Or do you think she would try to set up a date

DAVID DUCHOVNY, before he got his part in the X-Files, appeared in an X-rated movie where he showed FULL FRONTAL NUDITY.(Globe) Thoughts: 1) I'm curious. When David applied for the X-files job, what did his resume say?

1989 Actor, the Movie "New Year's Day" I had the starring role. It was a film about an undercover spy who had to investigate a brothal for irregularities. I had 17 female co-stars. Running time: 44 minutes.

2) When the X-files people asked David about the film, with questions like, "I never heard of this film," what do you think David told them?

"Well, it was a foreign film, it was never released in the states." or "We had problems getting a PG-13 rating, it was some technicality, I think."

4) When the X-files people asked David, "So, what sort of acting experience do you have," did he say,

"I have a lot of experience with leading ladies" or "I'm not afraid to express myself" or "I've received extensive training in the use of body language."

PRINCESS DI DEMANDS sex five times a night from married men.(Star) Thoughts: 1) Every hour on the hour? When she's in bed with a married man, do you think he breaks out in a sweat everytime he hears the chimes of Big Ben?

2) And what's with the married men? Di: "So... are you married?"

Chap #24: "Why, yes."

Di: "Ooooohhhh.... Meet me in the palace at midnight. The password to give to the palace seargant of the guard is 'Royal Oats.'"

3) The article said that one of Di's men said that Di kept "pleading" for him to sex her. Di: "Please, let's do it again, please please please!"

Chap #92: "We just did the fourth time, I'm too tired, I don't know...."

Di: "SEX! I MUST HAVE MORE AND MORE BLOOODY SEX!" [Di rolls around until he is on top, then starts to benchpress him up and down.]

4) The article said they did it in the palace. Do you suppose they did it on the throne?

Queen, walking by the throne room: "Cadberry, whatever is this do-not-disturb sign doing on the door?"

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See below...
                      HOT HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP
          "OVER 7,800 SUBSCRIBERS AND GROWING!!!!"
                      Rated Top 5% by Point Survey
             Three Stars from Internet Underground Magazine
                       [Composite Sample Issue]

Gossip about Matt LeBlanc... OJ Simpson... Princess Di... Heather Locklear... Seinfeld... Tori Spelling... George Clooney.... Gillian Anderson... Leonard Nimoy... Xena

HEATHER LOCKLEAR felt the need to have her chest enlarged not once but TWICE! (Star). Thoughts. 1) That's nice. But if she wanted to keep adjusting her size, why didn't she just leave a little hole where she could insert an air pump?

2) If Heather ever springs a leak, do you think she would walk around dripping silicone?

MATT LEBLANC ("Friends") "caught the eye of a busty young lady in a chic restaurant. And within 15 minutes the pair were headed hand in hand to the ladies room. They spent almost a half an hour alone... before Matt emerged lookming rumpled and disheveled."(Enquirer) Thoughts: 1) Matt must have a great pickup line, to get a complete stranger to sleep with him in less than fifteen minutes of talking. What do you suppose he says? POSSIBLE TOP PICKUP LINES OF MATT LEBLANC:

1) "Hi, I'm Matt LeBlanc, the star of Friends. You're looking very beautiful tonight. Would you like to go to the ladies room with me?"

2) "Hi, I'm Matt LeBlanc, the star of Friends. I'd like to get to know you better, but it's a little crowded in here. Why don't we both go to the ladies room? More private."

3) Matt LeBlanc, Friends. I'd like to get to know you better... why don't we go to the women's bathroom?

4) LeBlanc, Friends. Hey, why don't we go to the ladies room? I'll bet you flush a mean toilet!

• LeBlanc. Friends. Bathroom. Now.

.................................................................................. 2) If you go to a famous Hollywood restaurant and there is a long line to get into the women's bathroom, do you suppose that means that Matt LeBlanc is having a long night?

3) I'm still focused on that time. Seduction in 15 minutes! How long do you suppose it would have taken other stars? a) Brad Pitt--2 minutes b) Sean Connery--4 minutes (9 minutes, w/o toupee) c) Jim Carrey--6 minutes (12 minutes, after "Cable Guy") d) Michael Douglas--8 minutes (only if wife is around-- works best under pressure) e) Madonna--3 minutes (but with guys, 7 minutes)

SEINFELD claims he comes up with his "best material" in the middle of the night so he bought his buxom girlfriend SHOSHONNA a life-sized Jerry doll so she won't get lonely when he gets up at night.(Globe)

Thoughts: 1) If Shoshonna isn't getting his "best material", then who is?

2) When the dummy is substituted for Seinfeld, does Shoshonna notice the difference? Or any reduction in performance?

2) If Seinfeld is worried that his YOUNG YOUNG girlfriend thinks him old and lethargic, how do you think he feels when he returns to the bedroom and finds SHOSHONNA and the dummy looking relaxed and each smoking cigarettes?

X-FILES star DAVID DUCHOVNY is DENYING published reports that he is a "sex addict" and that he is a member of "Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous" a sort of "AA group for sex addicts", although he admits that "staying monogamous requires constant viligence"(Enquirer) Thoughts: 1) Sex and Love Anonymous? Can you imagine? [Michael Douglas, Charlie Sheen, Matt LeBlanc and David Duchovny sitting around in a circle] Moderator: "Michael? Do you have something to say?" Douglas: "Yes... it's been 8 days since I've had anyone... other than my wife." LeBlanc: "One woman in 8 days! I've had 8!" Sheen: "Really? Do you still have their phone numbers?"

2) When people are addicted to smoking they give them a substitute to chew on to wean them off smoking. In this case, do you think they give the addicts women substitutes--Corporal Klinger and RuPaul--to chew on?

3) Now, David said that "staying monogamous requires constant viligence." Do you think if he gets distracted for 10 minutes, he can suddenly focus to find himself in bed with a pretty woman? David: "Oh no, not again!"

TORI SPELLING had a problem; she bought a hot dog, but didn't know how to use the microwave to heat it up.(Globe) Thoughts: 1) What else is Tori unfamiliar with? We're just hypothesizing, but we've made a list: **************************************** THINGS TORI MAY BE UNFAMILIAR WITH 1) A hard day's work 2) the front seat of a car 3) a kitchen 4) a vacuum 5) her natural hair color 6) a standard 9th grade curriculum 8) supermarkets ("Daddy, where does all the food come from that the servants cook with?")

GEORGE CLOONEY paid for NUDE LAP DANCERS at a strip club.(Star) Thoughts: 1) I'm confused. A famous star has to pay for nude women?

2) Do you think it would help if Clooney walked around Rodeo Drive in Hollywood wearing a sandwich board which read, "I'm George Clooney. I'm playing Batman in the next Batman movie. Please, someone, go out with me!"

3) Do you think the lap dancers wore high heels? If so, do you think it could, ahem, hurt when they danced in George's lap?

YOUNG WOMEN camp out on OJ SIMPSON's lawn until they get invited inside.(Enquirer ) Thoughts: 1) I express no astonishment that young women everywhere want to flock to OJ's house to make out with the superstar. Instead, I wonder about the mechanics: Do they just go up to his house, ring the doorbell, and say, "We're available?"

2) Do you suppose that OJ's house is like a foreign embassy, with a long line of women snaking around the block, all waiting for entry visas?

3) Do you suppose that OJ has a hunchback deaf-mute butler answer the door while OJ views the visitor from the window, giving a thumbs up or thumbs down?

LEONARD NIMOY, the actor who played Mr. Spock, says that he TALKS TO SPOCK EVERY DAY!!!(Examiner) Thoughts: 1) What could they be saying to each other? Do you think Nimoy gets self-serving responses?

Nimoy: "Mr. Spock, I want to buy a new car."

Spock: "A Mercedes would be most logical."

Nimoy: "Mr. Spock, I wonder if I should cheapen your image by cashing in on all this Mr. Spock merchandising."

Spock: "The money of the many outweighs the money of the few."

Nimoy: "Mr. Spock, they want to pay me $2 million dollars to appear as Spock, wearing my Vulcan ears and wig, in a porno flick with a donkey and a cow. I really want the money, but in order to possess it...."

Spock: "You will find that wanting and possessing to be different things. Possessing is better."

Nimoy: "Mr. Spock, Bill Shatner has invited himself over for lunch. I feel like hitting him over the head with a wrench while his back is turned. What should I do?"

Spock [raised eyebrow]: "Make sure his back is completely turned."

Gay fans of the show XENA are pressuring execs for XENA to have a LOVE AFFAIR with her sidekick, GABRIELLE!(Globe) Thoughts: 1) Do you think Gabrielle ever asks, "Xena, why do you always invite me to ride on your horse with you and why do you always sit so close in the saddle?"

2) We know that XENA is very protective of Gabrielle, and we also know that XENA has a killer metal frisbee called a "shockram" that she can use to cut off very specific parts of her opponent's body. If a guy came on to Gabrielle and XENA got jealous, do you think she would use her shockram to cut off his-

3) Girl on Girl themes on Xena? I can just see my TV Guide now: 9 PM XENA E. DeGeneres guest stars as a shape changing monster, "Ellenicus", who gets rid of Gabrielle and then impersonates her, seducing Xena so that guys won't follow her anymore.

MADONNA's fathering instrument, CARLOS LEON, has been spotted with at least two other women.(Examiner) Thoughts: 1) Do you think he's free-lancing?

2) If he's going into the fathering business, what sort of a reference do you think he gets from his past employer? Madonna: "He grunts a lot in bed but is very professional, gets the job done quickly."

Prince Charle's mistress CAMILLA PARKER-BOWLES is dressing up in almost the exact same clothes as Princess Di so she will LOOK LIKE DI!!! (Enquirer) Thoughts:

Camilla: "William, Harry, it's me, your mother, Diana."

Prince William: "Check her legs, Harry!"

Prince Harry, grabbing Camilla's legs: "Cellulite! This isn't Mum!"

************************************************ Would you like to see more HOT HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP? Do as over 7,800 people in 49 countries do and subscribe! ************************************************ REAL Comments from REAL Subscribers: [email] said, "Your last issue was one of best. Cracked me up!"

[email] says: "I want, no, I NEED Hot Hollywood Gossip!"

[email] (90.5 Tahu FM) says: "Hey there! We're a small Radio Station in little 'ole Christchurch, New Zealand, and we LOVE!!!!!!! what we've been reading! ************************************************* HHG has received THREE STARS from Internet Underground magazine and rated in the TOP 5% of the POINT SURVEY. ******************************************* Subscribe now! 1) IT'S FREE! You will NOT be asked for money 2) You can cancel at any time! 3) Your e-mail address will be kept private. 4) What have you got to lose? Do as 7,800 people have done and Sign up now!

Write to [email] and write the following: