CLOWNS OF 1999

CLOWNS OF 1999

The putrid clutch of 1999�s most annoying celebrities makes us wish that Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold had been publishers of "People" magazine�where their influence could have been put to a welcome good effect.

At least one of the following celebrities (John F. Kennedy, Jr., boy pilot) gave us some measure of relief. For he had the good sense to deposit himself in a place where hermit crabs could crawl through the inner recesses of his scrotum with the gleeful abandon of supermarket tabloid editors. Courtney Love, please take note.

To whit, we speak for everyone in alt.tv.seinfeld when we name: The Biggest Clowns of 1999:

Charles M. Schulz: Addled with inoperable cancer of the brain�the part responsible forcreativity, it seems--the scribbler of "Peanuts" will mercifully die in 2000. Instead of "Good Grief," we say "Good Riddance."

Cher: When Prozac-chomping Sonny hugged his final tree, at least half the 60s singing due was erased from our view. A slut for life, his widow holds a tune for about as long as she holds a man.

Jessica Sklar: Jerry Seinfeld�s fianc�e has tits half the size of the comedian�s previous pouty leg-spreader. But each of Sklar�s modest jugs will be worth $5 mil each if Jerry doesn�t pen an adequate pre-nup.

Bill Buckley: "Firing Line" host quits. At least now "Wrestlemania" has a shot at being picked up by PBS.

Gail Sheehy: Psyco-babble author pens bio of Hillary Clinton that includes made-up quotes and is filled with more errors that a Mets double-header.

Jesse Jackson: In the year of Columbine, this Professional Negro actually defends the rights of thug teen gang-bangers to beat the crap out of their fellow high school students. We�d give him a fat lip�but he already has one thanks to his pygmy roots.

Chelsea Clinton: Gets first boyfriend. Drops first boyfriend. Now we know who�s pleasuring "Buddy."

Ricky Martin: Homosexual Puerto Rican crooner makes us wish that the guys that turned Matthew Shepherd into a human Post-It note had backstage passes to Martin's New Year�s concert.

John F. Kennedy, Jr.: You really made an ash of yourself.

JonBenet Ramsey (Junior Division & Still-Dead Division): Alas you died too soon. Or at least before you were of age to pose in "Hustler" where you would graduate from underage tartlette to Labium of the Month.

I'm going to assume the rest of this is as insipid and tasteless, so I won't bother reading the rest.

If it has anything to do with Seinfeld, would someone kindly remove the hate and post the facts?

Thanks.

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Charles M. Schulz: Addled with inoperable cancer of the brain—the part responsible forcreativity, it seems--the scribbler of "Peanuts" will mercifully die in 2000. Instead of "Good Grief," we say "Good Riddance.">>

What an asshole this poster is.

Robb "I once had a close shave with a chainsaw."

waste time here: http://members.aol.com/rposch4628/robb.html

i don't know, but let's all get together and drop the Great Pumpkin on his head.

jane

On 24 Dec 1999 20:01:03 GMT, [email] (Fun Lovin Criminal) wrote:

I don't know what this has to do with Seinfeld, but damn that's funny.
    cattlovrr wrote in message ...
    CLOWNS OF 1999
    The  putrid clutch of  1999’s most annoying celebrities makes us wish that Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold had been publishers of "People" magazine—where their influence could have been put to a welcome good effect.

    At least one of the following celebrities (John F. Kennedy, Jr., boy pilot) gave us some measure
    of relief. For he had the good sense to deposit himself in a place where hermit crabs could crawl through the inner recesses of  his scrotum with the gleeful abandon of supermarket tabloid editors.  Courtney Love, please take note.

    To whit, we speak for everyone in alt.tv.seinfeld when we name: The Biggest Clowns of
    1999:

Charles M. Schulz: Addled with inoperable cancer of the brain—the part responsible forcreativity, it seems--the scribbler of "Peanuts" will mercifully die in 2000. Instead of "Good Grief," we say "Good Riddance."

Cher: When Prozac-chomping Sonny hugged his final tree, at least half the 60s singing due was erased from our view. A slut for life, his widow holds a tune for about as long as she holds a man.

Jessica Sklar: Jerry Seinfeld’s fiancée has tits half the size of the comedian’s previous pouty leg-spreader. But each of Sklar’s modest jugs will be worth $5 mil each if Jerry doesn’t pen an adequate pre-nup.

Bill Buckley: "Firing Line" host quits. At least now "Wrestlemania" has a shot at being picked up by PBS.

Gail Sheehy: Psyco-babble author pens bio of Hillary Clinton that includes made-up quotes and is filled with more errors that a Mets double-header.

Jesse Jackson: In the year of Columbine, this Professional Negro actually defends the rights of thug teen gang-bangers to beat the crap out of their fellow high school students. We’d give him a fat lip—but he already has one thanks to his pygmy roots.

Chelsea Clinton: Gets first boyfriend. Drops first boyfriend. Now we know who’s pleasuring "Buddy."

Ricky Martin: Homosexual Puerto Rican crooner makes us wish that the guys that turned Matthew Shepherd into a human Post-It note had backstage passes to Martin's New Year’s concert.

John F. Kennedy, Jr.: You really made an ash of yourself.

JonBenet Ramsey (Junior Division & Still-Dead Division): Alas you died too soon. Or at least before you were of age to pose in "Hustler" where you would graduate from underage tartlette to Labium of the Month.