The following is a treatment, or summary, of an original Seinfeld episode I wrote for a contest. It may seem a bit preachy for a Seinfeld, but the object of the contest was to write a tv episode spreading awareness about population, so bear that in mind. Otherwise, enjoy. I would greatly appreciate any comments or criticism you have to offer.
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Seinfeld script treatment: �The Population� Written by: Kenny Byerly �Copyright 1998 by Kenny Byerly
Jerry and Elaine are at Monk�s, but they are eating at the counter instead of their usual booth. Jerry is telling Elaine about his date to meet his girlfriend Caitlin�s family that night. George joins them and asks why they�re at the counter, and it turns out that all the tables were taken already. George fumes about how the restaurant has become much too crowded lately. A man sitting nearby overhears him, and tells George that the whole world is getting crowded because of the rapidly growing population. He introduces himself as Adam, and explains that he is part of an activist group dedicated to educating the public about population problems, and attempts to recruit George since he apparently feels so strongly about the issue. Elaine, still fairly sure about her desire not to have children, and intrigued by Adam�s strong ideals, starts flirting with him.
As the gang returns to Jerry�s apartment, Elaine beams with pride over the potential relationship she�s initiated with Adam. Jerry expresses skepticism about Elaine�s future with an environmentalist. �All that talk about humans destroying the planet gets depressing after awhile.� George is upset because he�s learned from Adam that there will be six billion people on Earth by early next year. Kramer bursts in just as George is mentioning this. Jerry tells Kramer about Adam and the population problem, noting what a momentous event the birth of the six billionth child will be. Kramer is fascinated by this, and immediately decides that he wants to father the world�s six billionth child. He leaves to ponder how he will accomplish this.
George drives home to his apartment, and after failing to find a parking space near his building, tries to park his car in a garage. To his dismay, the garage is also full.
Jerry arrives with Caitlin at her parents� home, and is astonished to learn she has eight siblings. He tries to act casual, but is disturbed by the size of her family, especially after all he�s learned from Adam.
Elaine has dinner with Adam, and he�s still talking about the growing population. He tells Elaine that humans are ravaging nature and destroying animal habitats in order to fulfill their needs for natural resources, and the problem will only get worse as the population grows. Worrying that Jerry was right about Adam being depressing, Elaine tries repeatedly to change the subject. Finally, she gives up, but is surprised to find herself interested in what Adam is saying.
At a nightclub, Kramer unsuccessfully tries to pick up women by asking them if they would like to mother the six billionth child on Earth.
Jerry dines with Caitlin and her family and repeatedly calls her siblings by the wrong names, because there are so many of them he can�t keep them all straight.
The next day over breakfast at Monk�s, Jerry notes George�s tired look and asks why he looks so bad. George explains that he spent all night looking for a place to park. He finally found a spot across the city from his building, whereupon he was forced to stay in his car all night, without money for a cab, and afraid to ride the subway so late. Changing the subject to his date, Jerry expresses his disbelief at anyone wanting to have a family as large as Caitlin�s. George concurs: �My family�s nowhere near that size, and I can barely stand them as it is. They�ve got a lot of nerve having that many kids. Just a little more self-control on their part, and we could be sitting at a booth right now.�
As they return to Jerry�s, a woman is leaving Kramer�s apartment. Kramer explains that any woman he impregnates now will be having the child at about the time of the six billionth birth. �Well, Jerry, if I want to father the six billionth child, I�ve gotta get cracking now. Tip the odds in my favor, you know?� Kramer is confident about his chances of success, especially with his increased potency ever since a botched vasectomy a year ago. Jerry puts a damper on his plan by pointing out that even if he succeeds at finding a new woman each night, Kramer is liable to get slapped with multiple paternity suits. He also tries to get across to Kramer that trying to make another child is counterproductive, as it only contributes to population growth. Kramer remains stubborn on this point: �Jerry, this is going to be the story of the decade. Someone is going to have that baby; now why shouldn�t it be me?� Elaine arrives and announces her liking for her latest beau. She also enlightens them further on the population problem with facts she�s learned from Adam, telling Jerry how even though American population growth is slower than many developing countries around the world, the United States still contributes greatly to the problem by consuming lots of resources. Jerry finds her activism annoying, but Elaine now agrees with Adam, whom she declares is eminently spongeworthy. George swears to do his part to conserve resources by using only public transportation, but Jerry presses him and he admits he�s actually just sick of looking for parking.
Kramer goes to a sperm bank, hoping to �tip the odds� in his favor by making generous donations where they are needed. He asks if there is any limit to how much he can donate. They tell him there isn�t, but insist that he take a physical, as well as some other tests, before he can get started. Kramer enthusiastically agrees: �Giddyup!�
George heads for work on the subway, where he is jostled by the crowd and forced to stand when all the seats are taken. He complains about the conditions to a passenger standing next to him, who responds that it could be worse. Finally, the flow of the crowd forces George off the train at the wrong stop.
Jerry meets Caitlin for lunch. Elaine�s preaching has gotten to him, and her large family is weighing on his mind. He is about to say something about it when Caitlin expresses her own desire to have a large family when she gets married. She asks Jerry if he agrees, and he is speechless.
At his building, George must endure a crowded elevator ride to his office.
Kramer returns home, visibly exhausted.
At work, George is frustrated yet again when there aren�t enough chairs to go around at a meeting. They also run out of coffee before he gets any.
At the end of their second date, Elaine and Adam are making out in her apartment, but as they get more passionate, Adam stops to ask what kind of birth control she uses, as he doesn�t want to risk contributing to the population problem himself. When Elaine tells him that she uses the Today Sponge, which had been pulled from the market, Adam is doubtful about its reliability because of the product�s cancellation. Elaine swears by it and refuses to use anything else.
The next morning, Jerry complains to Kramer that he can�t enjoy Caitlin�s company any more because her desire for a large family bothers him so much. Yet he is reluctant to share the facts with her to set her straight because he refuses to get preachy like Elaine. Kramer sets off for the Sperm bank to get an early start, despite Jerry�s protests that the last thing the world needs is more kids, especially if they�re Kramer�s.
George is fed up with all the problems resulting from an overabundance of people in the city, and goes with Elaine to a meeting of Adam�s activist group, which is preparing to demonstrate and set up an informative table near a sperm bank to promote adoption as an alternative. Elaine, having decided there is no way she can work things out with Adam, tells him she wants to break up.
Caitlin notices Jerry�s odd behavior around her and confronts him about it. He explains all the problems with the population and his distaste for having a large number of kids. Caitlin understands Jerry�s point of view, but breaks up with him because she doesn�t want to be with someone who isn�t straightforward enough to share his opinions.
At the demonstration, Adam tries to stop Kramer from entering the sperm bank by telling him about population problems. Kramer ignores him and proceeds to go in anyway. Adam, emotionally distraught over his loss of Elaine, loses his temper and attempts to forcefully prevent Kramer from going inside. A fight breaks out between Kramer and the demonstrators.
George is arrested along with Adam and the other demonstrators and put into an overcrowded prison cell with nowhere to sit. He recognizes another guy in the cell as the passenger who was also crowded on the subway with him. The guy says, �I told ya.�