My favorite is when he said "It's like a sauna in here". I laugh every time I think about it.
Jerry Weaver
Kramer's best line
Apr 20, 199838 posts by 32 posters
😂 Loved it
Fans share their favorite Kramer lines and moments, with particular enthusiasm for his delivery of comedic quips throughout the series.
38 posts
[email] wrote:
My favorite has got to be when Jerry forbids Kramer to get a message from his girlfriend. "But Jerry, I need my massage. Can't you see I'm all burned out?" Very funny.
Without a doubt, my favourite is when he's telling the story about carrying the pinky toe on the bus and George says he's batman... Know the story?
Jerry says, "You kept making all the stops?" Kramer says, "Well they were ringin' the bell!!""
Gotta laugh
ds
P. F. Wilson wrote in message ...
time I
his
out?"
Agree with David Smith! That was his best scene ever. I also like it when he converts his aparment ... "It looks like a ski lodge, Jerry!" Amy
submitted for your approval....Jerry discovers that Kramer has gone "beyond boxers" to raise hius sperm count..."I'm out there Jerry...and I'm lovin' every minute of it"
David Smith wrote in article ...
carrying
==-----
newsreading
from
LordFlesh wrote in article ...
"beyond
...quickly followed by..."I feel like a naked innocent boy roaming the countryside!"
In alt.tv.seinfeld Dixon Hayes wrote:
*FDL*!!!!!!
-Cygnus
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------I really bust my gut laughing at that
YOYOMA
On 20 Apr 1998 23:47:58 GMT, [email] (P. F. Wilson) wrote:
I almost forgot that one. That is a classic. How about in "The Contest" where Jerry wants to tell the naked woman to put on some clothes.
Kramer is spasming and yelling "Please Jerry, don't. Please!! GOD KNOWS I DON'T ASK YOU FOR MUCH!!"
I think that one of Kramer's best lines (or at least one that made me crack up) was in "The Glasses" episode where George loses his glasses at the gym and has to buy new glasses and gets some with ladie's frames. He's in Jerry's apartment eating some chips and Kramer comes up to him and says "May I have one of those, Madame?" The timing and delivery are perfect.
That is CLASSIC!!!! It cracks me up every time! 2 others: "Because I'm like ice buddy--when I don't like you - you got problems" The other is the bit when trying to crack George's ATM code--great lines in the whole bit. Don't recall every one off hand but some are " You're weak , spineless" " You're a porty fellow" and " Ohh you may stray but you'll always return to your dark master -- the coco bean"
"I guess I got confused!" The Fatigues
in the episode where newman traded kramer a helmet for a radar detector and when newman demanded to have the helmet back (because the radar detector was defective), "no way mujambo".
There was this line that Kramer said in one episode. It cracks me up everytime I think of it. Jerry and him are talking and I don't remember what about but Jerry says "you're crazy!" Kramer replies "am I crazy? Or did I just BLOW your mind!!" That is my fav line by Kramer!
And don't forget this one (where Jerry shaves his chest hair, and Kramer says something about him being a woman...so in rising falsetto he says "...So you can just SASHAY your pretty little self all around the town square!"
Killer Kramer!
Nansie wrote:
These are both good ones, but one that cracks me up every time is from the Kenny Rogers' Roasters episode...
Kramer is trying to convince Jerry to switch apartments with him to becuase of the bright-red chicken light, and Jerry says something like, "Why don't I just move out altogether? You could knock the walls down and have yourself an eight-room suite."
Kramer looks perplexed and then yells, "Jerry, these are LOAD-BEARING walls! They're not gonna come down!"
Kills me.
Here's the quote (one of my faves as well): "What kind of man are you? Well, you're weak, spineless... a man of temptations. But what tempts you?... You're a portly fellow, a bit looong in the waistband... So what's your pleasure? Is it the salty snacks- you crave? Nonononono..... Yours is a sweet tooth. Oh, you may stray, but you'll always return to your dark master -- The Cocoa Bean!!"
Also great is the "briefless" scene: JERRY: Looks like you've adjusted to the boxers. KRAMER: Oh, I wouldn't go that far! JERRY: What, you mean you're back to the briefs? KRAMER: Wrong again! JERRY: OH, no!! ELAINE: Wha... JERRY: Don't you see what's going on here? No boxers, no briefs.... ELAINE: Eeeeeuuuuwwwww! JERRY: The only thing separating him from us is a thin layer of Gabardine! Kramer, say it ain't so! KRAMER: Oh, it be so! I'm out there Jerry, and I'm llllllovin every minute of it! JERRY: But don't you need [packaging?]?? KRAMER: Surprisingly no! I'm free, I'm unfettered... I'm like a naked innocent boy, rrrrrrrrroamin the countryside!!!
Hoparama wrote:
YEAH !!! That was when there was great writing on the show. These are two examples of literaly hundreds of great scenes involving intelligent, humorous dialogue. - My Fav is still BOOKMAN. ===================================================================================
From: Andy MacAskill
Newsgroups: alt.tv.seinfeld
The A+ episode known as "The Library" included three scenes total with our favorite "library investigator" played to perfection by Philip Baker Hall. The marvelous material was written by Larry Charles; episode directed by Joshua White.
The first scene, in Jerry's apartment, begins with Jerry opening the door for the curmudgeonly "Lieutenant Bookman":
Oh, I'm glad you're here, so we can get this all straightened out. Would you like a cup of tea?
You got any coffee?
Coffee?
Yeah. Coffee.
No, I don't drink coffee.
Yeah, you don't drink coffee? How about instant coffee?
No, I don't have--
You don't have any instant coffee?
Well, I don't normally--
Who doesn't have instant coffee?
I don't.
You buy a jar of Folger's Crystals, you put it in the cupboard, you forget about it. Then later on when you need it, it's there. It lasts forever. It's freeze-dried. Freeze-dried Crystals.
Really? I'll have to remember that.
You took this book out in 1971.
Yes, and I returned it in 1971.
Yeah, '71. That was my first year on the job. Bad year for libraries. Bad year for America. Hippies burning library cards, Abby Hoffman telling everybody to steal books. I don't judge a man by the length of his hair or the kind of music he listens to. Rock was never my bag. But you put on a pair of shoes when you walk into the New York Public Library, fella.
Look, Mr. Bookman. I--I returned that book. I remember it very specifically.
You're a comedian, you make people laugh.
I try.
You think this is all a big joke, don't you?
No, I don't.
I saw you on T.V. once; I remembered your name--from my list. I looked it up. Sure enough, it checked out. You think because you're a celebrity that somehow the law doesn't apply to you, that you're above the law?
Certainly not.
Well, let me tell you something, funny boy. Y'know that little stamp, the one that says "New York Public Library"? Well that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole hell of a lot. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before: Flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. What's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Well, let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me. Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world, but what about that kid, sitting down, opening a book, right now, in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees on the Cat in the Hat and the Five Chinese Brothers? Doesn't HE deserve better? Look. If you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped! Or: maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld; maybe that's how y'get your kicks. You and your good-time buddies. Well I got a flash for ya, joy-boy: Party time is over. Y'got seven days, Seinfeld. That is one week!
The second "Bookman scene" includes Kramer and his "spinster" gal Marion the Librarian. The two, walking hand in hand in the library after hours, think they're alone:
KRAMER: You know, the library is kind of a cool place when it's closed.
MARIAN: Oh, yeah. You don't have to be quiet. Listen to the echo: Hello!
KRAMER: Hello!
MARIAN: Hello!
KRAMER: Hello!
MARIAN: Hello!
BOOKMAN (emerging): Hello!
MARIAN (turning, surprised): Mr. Bookman.
BOOKMAN: I remember when the librarian was a much older woman: Kindly, discreet, unattractive. We didn't know anything about her private life. We didn't want to know anything about her private life. She didn't have a private life. While you're thinking about that, think about this: The library closes at five o'clock, no exceptions. This is your final warning. Got that, kewpie-doll?
And herewith the third and final "Bookman scene," just with Jerry again, who, back in the library now, writes out a check for the never-returned TROPIC OF CANCER and hands it to Bookman:
Anyway, I hope there's no hard feelings.
Hard feelings? What do you know about hard feelings? Y'ever have a man die in your arms? Y'ever kill somebody?
What is your problem?
What's my problem? Punks like you, that's my problem. And you better not screw up again Seinfeld, because if you do, I'll be all over you like a pitbull on a poodle.
JERRY (after Bookman exits): That is one tough monkey!
====================================================================================
<snip>
Look closely at Jerry while Bookman is making this speech, you can see him struggling not to break up.
Dude, I have tears streaming down my face laughing at that dialogue. Phillip Baker Hall was the perfect guy to deliver them too. Thanks for the laugh...
In article , [email] (Hoparama) wrote:
[ snip ]
My personal favorite is the following Jerry/Kramer exchange from the Kenny Roger's Chicken episode (I may be paraphrasing Kramer's 1st line)
Kramer: Jerry, I cant stand that neon light any more. My rods and cones are all screwed up! I've got to move in here with you
Jerry (facetiously): Tell, you what, why dont you break down these walls and make it an 8-room suite - I'll go sleep in the park.
Kramer (anguishedly): Jerry, these are LOAD BEARING WALLS!!! - They aint coming down!
In article ,
coco
in
crave?
always
of
innocent
i love kramer's whole monologue about rescuing that woman's pinky toe and getting it to the hospital....{fighting off the mugger, etc} {you're batman!...yeah, i'm am batman!}
and kramer sez "finally i opened up the doors and kicked him off at the next stop!"
jerry: "you mean you kept making all the stops?"
kramer: "well people kept ringing the bell!"
love it!
- bdp
I can't remember the specific line, but Kramer was questioning Jerry's manliness for some reason, and he say, "Well why don't you get your self a parasol and sashay your pretty little self around the town square!!!"
Anyone have details or can elaborate on this?
Also, another favorite Kramer scene is when he's in Jerry's apartment and does the mock commercials for Hennessey's "no smell, no tell scotch".
On Mon, 20 Apr 1998 18:13:45 -0600, [email] wrote:
On Wed, 22 Apr 1998 18:22:24 GMT, [email] (Jack Doherty) wrote:
It was after Jerry accidently shaved his chest.
GP MVP wrote in message ...
does the mock commercials for Hennessey's "no smell, no tell scotch".
Your thinking of Hennigan's Scotch. Hennesey (sp?) is a Cognac.
On Mon, 20 Apr 1998 18:13:45 -0600, [email] wrote:
How about when he was breaking up with his girlfriend:
"Look at you. Why don't you do something with your life instead of sitting around here all day. You contribute nothing to society. How can someone like me be with someone like you? I couldn't respect myself."
"so what's the deal with politics? I don't get it. Am I right people?" The face after that is PRICLESS! (BTW: This line is from "the bookstore" and it's in his wackey "dream" sequence...)
I still don't think it was a dream. Kramer would do all that stuff. Otherwise, it wouldn't be funny that Jerry puts the glass on a coaster. That *is* funny because it's all that Jerry noticed.
jen
"Up here, I'm already gone."
[email] (GP MVP) writes: > On Wed, 22 Apr 1998 18:22:24 GMT, [email] (Jack Doherty)
"Ryan" writes: > GP MVP wrote in message ...
On Mon, 20 Apr 1998 18:13:45 -0600, [email] wrote:
Jerry is telling Kramer that he is insane. Kramer responds with:
"Maybe I'm so sane, I blew your mind !"
regards
Alasdair A Psion Software employee in a personal capacity
I've said it before and I'll say it again "Yo Yo Ma ! "
Alasdair Manson wrote:
The whole exchange is so good, I hadda record it as a wav:
Jerry: Ahhhh, you're crazy!
Kramer: Am I? Or am I SO SANE that you just BLEW YOUR MIND?!?!?
Jerry: It's impossible!
Kramer: IS IT??? Or is it SO POSSIBLE that your head is SPINNING LIKE A TOP?!??
Jerry: It can't be!
Kramer: CAN'T IT??? Or is your ENTIRE WORLD JUST CRASHING DOWN ALL AROUND YOU!?!?
Jerry: All right, that's enough...... Alasdair Manson wrote in message ...
time I
The whole exchange is so good, I hadda record it as a wav:
Jerry: Ahhhh, you're crazy!
Kramer: Am I? Or am I SO SANE that you just BLEW YOUR MIND?!?!?
Jerry: It's impossible!
Kramer: IS IT??? Or is it SO POSSIBLE that your head is SPINNING LIKE A TOP?!??
Jerry: It can't be!
Kramer: CAN'T IT??? Or is your ENTIRE WORLD JUST CRASHING DOWN ALL AROUND YOU!?!?
Jerry: All right, that's enough...... Alasdair Manson wrote in message ...
time I
I think your in love with him. <then after a denial> No,no you love him.
On Sat, 25 Apr 1998, greatdane wrote:
giddy-up
"Kenny? ... Kenny?"