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HOT HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP!!!
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[Composite Sample Issue]HOT GOSSIP about Heather Locklear... Gillian Anderson... Princess Di... Seinfeld... George Clooney... Tiffany Amber-Thiessen... Jennie Garth... OJ Simpson... Madonna... Courteney Cox.... Pamela Anderson... Xena...
At one time, John F. Kennedy Jr. arrived home after a hard day of... whatever he does, to find MADONNA wrapped in NOTHING but plastic wrap.(Star) Thoughts: 1) If he put her in the fridge for later, would Madonna spoil? 2) Do you think JFK Jr has a kitchen cabinet where he keeps all his admiring women for later snacks?
COURTENEY COX has a psychic named SHOOSHAN, who told her her to break up with MICHAEL KEATON, and COURTENEY OBEYED!!! (Examiner). Thoughts: 1) What else could the psychic get Courteney to do? Rather than leave it to the imagination, we've compiled a purely hypothetical list: ********************************************* THINGS THAT SHOOSHAN CAN GET COURTENEY TO DO A) Dress up like a chicken "It will get you a part in the next Ace Venture movie."
B) Give all her money to SHOOSHAN "I will manage it well for you."
C) Have her send Michael Keaton to SHOOSHAN "The stars say he was meant for me; but not to worry, you will find someone as well."
D) Ask the producers of FRIENDS to replace her with SHOOSHAN. "You need a movie career right now, FRIENDS is just dragging you down."
TERI HATCHER says that she will show the world that she is in such good shape after the have seen her strip NUDE in a new movie.(Star) Thoughts: 1) Such good shape... do you think Teri will be in such good shape that they will show her new film to inmates at the Anorexia Institute?
PRINCESS DI regularly goes to a clinic where she gets a foot massage to relieve nervous tension.(Star) Thoughts: 1) Her feet are nervous?
2) Is Di nervous about working hard at her job, or whether she'll have enough millions to support her family? Or does her nerves center around more important questions, such as "What shall I have for lunch?" and "Should I take these two designer dresses, or all of them?"
SEINFELD uses MEDICINE to GROW his HAIR.(Globe) Thoughts: 1) Just one. How does he explain it to his YOUNG girlfriend SHOSHANNA?
Sho: "Jerry, what is that smelly pink goo you've got in your hair?" Seinfeld: "It's a new sort of shampoo. It, uh, gets rids of dandruff."
2) Do you suppose if there were a machine that could ELECTRICALLY stimulate hair that Seinfeld would stick his head into it? How would he explain it to Shoshanna?
Sho: "Jerry, why do you stick your head into that machine? It looks like a huge electrical socket!" Jerry: "Yes, it sends an electrical current through which... stimulates my mind. It helps me think of jokes for the show, actually."
HEATHER LOCKLEAR caused two cars to collide when their drivers turned their heads to stare at her body.(Star)
Thoughts: 1) Do you think male drivers who live in Heather's neighborhood have to pay higher auto insurance premiums?
2) Don't you think it would be wise for Heather to stay away from busy intersections?
YOUNG WOMEN camp out on OJ SIMPSON's lawn until they get invited inside.(Enquirer ) Thoughts: 1) I express no astonishment that young women everywhere want to flock to OJ's house to make out with the superstar. Instead, I wonder about the mechanics: Do they just go up to his house, ring the doorbell, and say, "We're available?"
2) Do you suppose that OJ's house is like a foreign embassy, with a long line of women snaking around the block, all waiting for entry visas?
3) Do you suppose that OJ has a hunchback deaf-mute butler answer the door while OJ views the visitor from the window, giving a thumbs up or thumbs down?
X-Files Gillian Anderson, whose first boyfriend was a Neo-Nazi, said, "I felt if somebody liked me, I was supposed to sleep with them."(Globe) Thoughts: [Gillian sitting around piles of fan mail, two weeks after this is published] "Dear Gillian, I really like you." [opens next letter] "Dear Gillian, I really like you." [opens next letter] "Dear Gillian, I really like you." Gillian looks around. "Jill? I can't weed out all these letters! Listen, can you go through them and just save the Nazi ones?"
XENA, star of XENA, is a "pinup queen" in women's prisons.(Globe) Thoughts: 1) You know how advertisers like to know the demographics of a show so they will know what to sell? What kinds of products do you think are advertised on XENA? PRODUCTS THAT MAY BE ADVERTISED DURING COMMERCIALS WHEN "XENA" IS AIRED: a) razors b) weight lifting equipment c) do-it-yourself tattoos d) steroids and... "This episode of Xena is sponsored by Havana, the #1 maker of women's cigars!"
GEORGE CLOONEY was HYPNOTIZED to prepare himself to wear a mask in the next Batman movie.(Globe) Thoughts: 1) Is that REALLY why they hypnotized him? I think they hypnotized him to BELIEVE he REALLY IS Batman. FIVE TOP SIGNS THAT GEORGE CLOONEY HAS BEEN HYPNOTIZED TO REALLY BELIEVE THAT HE IS, IN FACT, BATMAN: 1) He refers to the male nurse on ER as"Robin". 2) He propells down clotheslines. 3) He refers to his movie trailer as "The Bat Cave." 4) He hangs upside down on a coat rack. 5) He goes to a pet store to buy food for Cat Woman.
Beverly Hills 90210's Tiffani-Amber Thiessen, who used to go out with Brian Austin Green, was seen SMOOCHING with Jennie Garth.(Star) Thoughts: 1) For those of you who don't watch the show, Brian plays a wimpy sensitive guy who shaves most of his head and wears large hoop earrings. Do you think Brian turned Tiffani off to men?
2) If Tiffani gets hot for women, will Tori Spelling be safe? Or Brandon's mom?
3) Do you think Shannen Dougherty left the show because Jennie Garth was coming on to her?
When PAMELA ANDERSON filmed her movie BARB WIRE, the shooting schedule was frequently interrupted by "Tommy's frequent visits to the set for sex with his wife [Pam]."(Star) Thoughts: 1) Doesn't the screen actors guild have rules on this sort of thing? How many non-work related sex breaks per day is an actress allowed to take in Hollywood?
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