Favorite Standup Routine

You know everyone has their personal favorites as far as Jerry's stand up routine goes. People love the old "Washing Machine Night Club" bit, but my personal favorite goes back a few years. It involves things like world records and dare devils. Jerry talks about a guy he saw on tv who could catch a bullet in his teeth. He says "How do you practice that? Do they toss you a bullet a few times, then say 'This one will be coming a bit faster this time'?" Forgive me if its not exactly quoted right (I know how some of you are 8) ).

The second part of that bit is my favorite, the "Fattest Man in the World". I just love the line "You're the fattest man in the world, couldnt you just get the small cone for once? Forget the sprinkles, your the fattest man in the world!"

Well, thats something for you guys to chew on besides what Kramers real name is. That has gotten old. By the way, you guys forgot Madonna and Moses.*grin* Give me your favorite Stand-up bits!!!

Dave

...so I called the number and said, "I'd like to order the Ginsu knife" and the lady on the other end said, "Really?". Even the Ginsu people have given up on it.

...if you need a knife that can cut through a can, maybe you're not buying the highest grade of meat available. Maybe you should be getting something other than the hoof cut.

...Attention passengers, this is the Captain speaking. There will be a slight delay baecause....God this is so embarassing....I left the keys to the plane in my apartment.

[email] (David C Valenzuela) writes:

That reminds me of his bit about the Olympics, when he talks about the "platforms of humiliation" that they stand on when they give out the medals: "What if the guy who finished second is a whole lot taller than the winner? Do they ask 'Hey, can you crouch down a little?' And why do they even have silver medals anyway? It's like saying to the guy, 'Of all the people who lost, you're the best!'"

"And what if he loses two hundred pounds -- what do his friends say to him then? 'Hey, you're looking good! What are you down to, about a thousand? You're a rail!'"

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