On August 6, Hank Hill answered questions posed by users of TV Guide's bulletin board (http://bbs2.iguide.com:8086/television/hankhill/) There was no immediate indication if Mike Judge was answering as Hank, or one of the KOTH writers (possibly the great Johnny Hardwick). Also, I'm not a TV Guide readers, so I dunno if this already ran in the magazine:
Q: Is Luanne ever gonna leave your house? Doesn't she bug you? She is the smartest one there though.
A: Luanne did move out once, but she only got as far as Boomhauer's couch, so I'm not sure if that counts. We're happy to have her back. I just wish she wouldn't run around the house half-dressed. This is a respectable house, not a nudist colony.
Q: In your show you seen to be really disappointed with your family. Are you? Did you have an ideal family in mind and now you're upset because you got stuck with that one?
A: I think you are mistaking exasperation for disappointment. I may get irritated by things the family does, but I'm really quite proud of them. And why shouldn't I be? I'm married to the handsomest girl in three counties (and remember, counties come big out here), and we have a fine young son who might grow up some day to be a judge, a senator or even the president of a major propane company.
Q: As Dale's best friend, don't you think you should help Dale get his life more organized? He thinks he knows about every government conspiracy, yet he doesn't know what's been going on with his wife all these years!
A: I would thank you, sir, not to go around spreading any wild rumors about Dale's wife. I can say in all honesty that Nancy has never been unfaithful to the father of her child. Let's just leave it at that.
Q: How's that lawn of yours coming along?
A: I appreciate your asking. She's making a good recovery after that unpleasantness with Dale and the fire ants, but -- like all lawns -- she still requires constant care and attention. I've been giving her lots of water lately -- watering is the key to a successful sod transplant -- so I think her roots will penetrate the dirt before the summer's over.
Q: Can I reuse my propane drums with other types of gas?
A: I guess that depends. How much do you value your life?
Q: Hank, what do women want?
A: Well, what have you got?
Q: Just wanted to know if we'll ever meet Luanne's parents.
A: That's a question that only the Texas State Parole Board can answer for the next one to seven years. You see, Luanne's mother was incarcerated for stabbing Luanne's father with a fork in a fight over a quart of beer, and Luanne's father has been working on an oil rig since the incident, and he swears that he won't set foot on land again until Luanne's mother is either dead or out of the country. I'd like to point out that these people are all on Peggy's side of the family, not mine.
Q: Do you have a motto you live life by -- and if so, what is it?
A: The motto I live by is "Propane is people." It reminds me that my real job is not selling gas, but making people happy. And I think you'll find that's true in any line of work -- well, unless you're an animal trainer. Or a prison guard. Or a collection agent. Or you work for the government.
Q: Is that mower of yours a Gravely? You know real men have Gravelys. Better at least be made in the good ole U. S. of A.
A: Of course my machine is American made. It's a 50-inch Sears Craftsman. What'd you think I'd have? A Karl Marx-O-Mulcher 6000 made in Red China? I also own a King O' Valley lawn edger, made in California, which is almost America.
Dang ol', -N!
------------------------------------------------------ "Proclaiming the beauty and majesty of Boomhauer's words across the land." http://www.cyberramp.net/~noel