HANK VS. HOMER

If Hank Hill got into a fight with Homer Simpson, who do you think would win?

Matt Lupo

I would believe Homer would win, he has had more experience fighting. You never see Hank Hill get into a fight, but all of the time, you see Homer in a fight. I think that is funny.

G. M. Lupo wrote in article ...

Homer because he could withstand getting hit with a board and won in that boxing episode.

In article , [email] wrote:

        Depends on what they are fighting with?  If we are to take Homer of
        the prize fighter, then Homer would win.  If we are talking about a
        fight that uses more than 2 brain cell, then Hank would win.  If we
        are talking about football, or for that matter any physical activity,
        Hank.  If we are talking about actually working for a living, Hank.

Homer would win. After all the bumps and bruises Homer took in his lifetime (especially Springfield Gorge), there's no way Hammerin' Hank could get the nod. LOL!!!

G. M. Lupo wrote in message ...

Homer, Hands down. Thad

G. M. Lupo wrote in message ...

People,

Forget this Hank v. Homer stuff.

Here's the real battle:

Cotton Hill v. Homer Simpson!!!

Predictions?

• Don

Bonus Sock wrote:

Homer, definately. He still has his shins.

Matt Lupo

On Sun, 8 Feb 1998, G. M. Lupo wrote:

How about Cotton Hill vs. Abraham Simpson? They're both old fogies, and war veterans to boot.

In article , Richard K Kim wrote:

Well, this is such an easy call it's not worth discussing. Obviously Cotton would kick Abe's butt.

What about Marge vs. Peggy?

• Don

Bonus Sock wrote:

Peggy definately. She'd stomp Marge with those mamoth feet.

Matt Lupo

On Mon, 09 Feb 1998 21:20:47 -0800, the one known as G. M. Lupo wrote thusly:

Peggy seems to be in pretty good shape, but I'd like to see her escape from the Movementarians' plantation.

I think the common denominator we're all forgetting about here, the virtual Rosetta Stone for factoring this complex equation, is...doughnuts. Seems to me, uh...the perhaps...one time I've watched MWChildren that Peg has a definite "thing" for donuts. Now, who on TSimpsons also has an affinity for doughnuts. Hmm.

Satmar Hassidim wrote:

And what does "Married With Children" have to do with anything?

In article ,

The poor man has his Peggys confused . . .

ShadZ ^Q^

In "Re: Marge vs. Peggy (Was Abe vs. Cotton (Was:Re: Cotton v. Homer))," (whew!) G. M. Lupo wrote:

Wait a minute. Marge has pretty big feet herself, if this scene from "Jaques to be Wild (7G11)" (*) is any indication:

   Attendant: [hands her a scoresheet]  Here you go... you keep score on
               this.
               What sized shoes you wear?
   Marge:     Never you mind!
   Attendant: [pointing to another sign]  Can't wear street shows on the
               lane.
               You gotta wear bowling shoes.  What size please?
   Marge:     [grudgingly]  Hmhmm... Thirteen double A.
   Attendant: Thirteen double A!!!  [whistles in amazement]  The closest
               I've got is a nine and a fifteen.

(*) This episode is sometimes called, "Life on the Fast Lane."

On Mon, 9 Feb 1998, Bonus Sock wrote:

agreed. Cotton would win this one faster than Abe can get an onion onto his belt.

I'd have to say Marge. Even though Peggy showed a mean streak last night by pounding the beejeezus out of that rack of meat, I think she is too calm to take on Marge. Marge has outrun cops, packed a gun, and shown she can handle herself.

                                              __o
                                            _`\<,_     --- Dave
Thangyuh.  Thangyuh vurry mudge.  .  .  .  (*)/ (*)
Bermuda likes my sig!!!   Bermuda likes my sig!!!   Bermuda likes my sig!!!

Marge, hands down. That lady's got spunk!

Dani Dorresteyn wrote in message ... |

| |Marge, hands down. That lady's got spunk!

I think Peggy has more spunk, actually. But Marge would still win. She has the gun.

Jim Krieger

Have a Day :-|

In article , [email] (Bonus Sock) wrote:

For shame, Bonus. Encouraging people in these petty contests. Hank versus Homer. Cotton versus Abe. Peggy versus Marge.

Come on, people: use your imaginations! How about some really challenging bouts...

Bobby v. Bart -- Bobby would be hung out to dry Luanne v. Lisa -- Luanne would be cleaned, pressed, folded, and wrapped in cellophane Bill Dauterive v. Barney Gumble Dale Gribble v. Ned Flanders Boomhauer v. Lenny Joseph (Redcorn) Gribble v. Milhouse Mr. Strickland v. Mr. Burns Junie Harper v. Rev. Lovejoy Peggy v. Mrs. Krabapple -- the teaching battle of the century Manger Babies v. Itchy and Scratchy Ladybird v. Santa's Little Helper Bobby's Plastic White Female v. Malibu Stacy -- okay, now I'm just being silly

Poor little Kahn Souphanousinphone, Jr. and her parents are still looking for sparring partners foolish enough to tangle with them. Chief Wiggum and his son Ralph are still looking for doughnuts.

Just remember: at least we don't have to argue about what state Arlen is in, like those Simpsons fans always do.

RAB
_______________________________________

"Nothing exists except atoms and empty space; everything else is opinion." -- Democritus of Abdera

In article , [email] (Richard Bensam) wrote:

I thought you said challenging, RB!

I&S would take the Manger Babies and turn them into confetti the same way Duckman shreds his secretaries, Fluffy and Uranus.

<snip>

• Don

How about Santa's Little Helper vs. Hank's dog (I forget the name)

"Early to rise, early to bed makes a man healthy but socially dead." ---Yakko Warner

Lady Byrd... (LBJ's wife)

Single White Male wrote in message ...

Here's one:

How about Dooley vs Nelson Muntz?

Joya Nappo [email]

Cool Kids Never Had The Time! -Billy Corgan! (Lead singer of the Smashing Pumpkins!)

I believe his dog's name is "Ladybird".

In article , [email] (Richard Bensam) wrote:

ANYONE can beat Milhouse.

And what's this "(Redcorn)" stuff?

<snip>

• Don

And we thought Dale was the only one who didn't know.

In article , "Bill Baldwin" wrote:

Regardless of who the sperm donor was, Dale is Joseph's father and he treats him like a son--blood, adopted or whatever. Given the quite obvious similarity of appearance of Joseph and John Redcorn, I'd say that Dale's a pretty cool guy to get past that an raise Joseph as his 100% son.

• Don

That's one way of looking at it. Then there's the right way. Dale is so egocentric he's clueless. He hasn't gotten past the obvious because it's never occurred to him.

In article , "Bill Baldwin" wrote:

Right, Bill...and you probably believe that Hillary really thinks Slick Willie doesn't cheat on her.

Dale's just trying to save face. He wants to keep his family together, and the only way he can do that without and retain even a shred of dignity is to pretend nothing is out of place.

You'll note that Joseph considers Dale, NOT John, to be his dad. He's still a little young and might not have figured out the ins and outs of biology...even though Bobby seems to have figured it out. Dale wants to postpone Joseph's Day of Reckoning on the issue. You gotta respect that.

• Don

On Fri, 13 Feb 1998 00:28:12 -0800, [email] (Bonus Sock) wrote:

Dale has no clue. In the episode where Hank, Khan and the kids are trapped in the cave, Peggy, John Redcorn, Dale and his wife are above ground trying to get them out. When Dale's wife asks "Beer Hon?", both Dale and John Redcorn reply "yes". To which Dale replies, "How did he(John Redcorn)know I wanted a beer?"

[email] (Rat Pack) wrote:

I agree, to the fact that he has no clue. If he did, he would NOT let his wife run around all the time with John Redcorn. Think about it. In almost every episode she gets picked up by Redcorn, and nothing Dale just kinda acts like it is no biggie, since he IS clueless.

In article , [email] (Bonus Sock) wrote:

Ah, but that's just it. Dale hasn't "gotten past it" -- he doesn't even know there's an "it" to get past.

This is not a comment on adoption. People who adopt children and give them a good home have my highest admiration. Dale just doesn't happen to be one of those people.

What this is, is a joke on the fact that a deeply suspicious and paranoid man -- who is quick to see secret plots and conspiracies around every corner, like the fact that Bob Dole has been faking that dead hand all these years -- has actually been cuckolded by his wife and doesn't have the slightest suspicion that it's happening. Dale doesn't know (in spite of ludicrous excuses and pretexts flying right and left) that his wife has been sleeping with John Redcorn for all these years; Dale doesn't recognize (in spite of the preponderance of evidence) that Joseph is John's biological son. The joke is that the big conspiracy theorist doesn't see the actual secret in his own home...when it seems like everyone else in town (including Bobby) knows the score.

Is Dale blocking out the obvious because on some unconscious level he actually suspects it? Or is he really completely clueless? I suspect the latter, but there is room for other interpretations...and KOTH is the only television show in which I would never try to second-guess the writers, because they invariably come up with stories that defy all my expectations. Perhaps someday they'll see fit to do an episode in which Dale comes face to face with his own ignorance, and we'll see how he copes with the idea that Joseph isn't his biological offspring. Frankly, I'd rather they didn't. It would spoil the humor of the situation.

Understand, the joke is not based on mocking Dale for his obtuseness in a mean-spirited way. Don't we all miss important things in our own lives, while clinging to our pretentions of being clued-in? Don't we all at some time fail to see what's right under our own noses? Aren't we all a little bit like Dale, when you get right down to it? Well, maybe you aren't...but I am. Ich bin ein Gribble!

RAG
_______________________________________

"Nothing exists except atoms and empty space; everything else is opinion." -- Democritus of Abdera

In article , [email] (Richard Bensam) wrote:

Give this one to Bill. At least he's around some brain thumping military types...even if he is just shaving their heads. Barney would pass out and wouldn't even need a single poke.

<snip>

• Don

In article , [email] (Bonus Sock) wrote:

No way. Persistent alcohol abuse renders one insensitive to physical pain. Barney may not be in Homer's league when it comes to taking punishment, and Bill may be in considerably better condition, but Barney would just keep coming...never realizing when to quit...and wear Bill down with his persistence. Bill would eventually run away.

That is, unless Bill floored Barney with a lucky punch and Barney found a peanut on the barroom floor. At which point he would forget about the fight altogether.

RAB
_______________________________________

"Nothing exists except atoms and empty space; everything else is opinion." -- Democritus of Abdera

On Tue, 10 Feb 1998 00:41:04 -0800, the one known as Bonus Sock wrote thusly:

and

That depends on how drunk Barney is, of course. A sober Barney might actually stand a chance, from what we saw of him in "Deep Space Homer."

In article , [email] (Richard Bensam) wrote:

Dale may be a puss, but Ned Flanders is an even BIGGER puss.

<snip>

• Don

Bonus Sock wrote:

Agreed, Dale would beat the snot out of Flanders

In article , [email] (Richard Bensam) wrote:

Boomhauer's a lover not a fighter. Lenny seems like a nice guy, too. I'll bet they'd both refuse to fight.

<snip>

• Don

On Tue, 10 Feb 1998 00:43:00 -0800, [email] (Bonus Sock) wrote:

Yeah, Boomhauer's probably a Stonecutter, too. Well, a No-Homers now...

"Who keeps the metric system down? We do! We do!"

In article , [email] (Richard Bensam) wrote:

All Strickland would have to do is blow on Burns and Montgomery will keel over. Give this one to Stickland.

<snip>

• Don

In article , [email] (Bonus Sock) wrote:

Only if you measure it in sheer brute force. But Monty would buy the ref, Strickland Propane, and half of Arlen before he even stepped into the ring. The bout would be cancelled and Burns declared the winner by default.

RAB
_______________________________________

"Nothing exists except atoms and empty space; everything else is opinion." -- Democritus of Abdera

In article , [email] (Richard Bensam) wrote:

Junie's a psycho. She'll kill Lovejoy for the glory of Jesus Christ, her Savior!

<snip>

• Don

In article , [email] (Richard Bensam) wrote:

This one depends on what Skinner taught Krabapple from his time in Nam. If Skinner didn't instruct Krabapple on the finer points of hand-to-hand combat, I'll give it to Big Foot Peggy.

Also, please note that Peggy is a better TEACHER! <snip>

• Don

In article , [email] (Richard Bensam) wrote:

No, no, this may be the most interesting one.

I'd go with Malibu Stacy, because PWF doesn't have any real way of defending herself...except with her mouth, perhaps.

And, shouldn't that be LUANNE's PWF, not Bobby's?

<snip>

• Don

In article , [email] (Richard Bensam) wrote:

<snip>

Shouldn't they have been matched with Ned Flanders and one of his kids?

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, donuts!

Why do the Simpson fans argue about what state Arlen is in?

• Don

Well, if you ask me.

I think Bobby would win in a fight with Bart because Bobby was on a westling team and Bobby's heavier.

How about Luanne vs Lisa? :)

Joya Nappo [email]

If You're Under 18, You Won't Be Doing Any Time! -The Offspring!

In article , [email] (Bonus Sock) wrote:

Sure, I can see how that would work thematically, what with them both being the next door neighbors and archrivals in each series. But I wanted to reserve Ned for the privilege of getting his lights punched out by Dale.

That would be a Homer response. A Chief Wiggum response would be, "Remember, son, a beautiful woman is a lot like a doughnut." That before trying to shoot open a box of doughnuts with his revolver. Disturbing...!

Now I know why you pull down the big bucks as a book editor, and I just write silly posts to newsgroups. Though not usually eleven of them in one sitting...

RAB
_______________________________________

"Nothing exists except atoms and empty space; everything else is opinion." -- Democritus of Abdera

In article ,

But there is no Arlen in Texas!

Paul

Richard Bensam wrote:

Depends on which Ned Flanders. The average Ned or the overly aggitated Ned who's losing it after repressing his negative emotions for years? If it's the latter, I'd give the edge to Flanders.

Bummer. You've missed the best one. Boomhauer vs. Moe.

Strickland.

Itchy and Scratchy would bring weapons. They get the edge.

They may not fight. Santa's Little Helper may try to play "leap frog" with her.

Matt Lupo

Without shins how could Cotton reach Abe's Butt?

Grampa Grampa Grampa!!!

Still Homer. Cotton's brain, no matter how twisted and sadistic, is still connected to his pain receptors and thus he will eventually tired and feel the onslaught Homer would unleash once Cotton blocked Homer's path to the donuts!

On Sat, 07 Feb 1998 02:53:43 -0800, [email] (Bonus Sock) wrote:

Homer would definitely win because he can take a cannonball to the gut, a board to the head and is not smart enough to know when the fight is over. Plus he would NEVER fight fair!

Poor Hank is no match for a lunatic like Homer.

On Fri, 06 Feb 1998 00:30:41 -0800, "G. M. Lupo" wrote:

Well, if you ask me, I guess Hank would win.

Because you got to admit that Hank is a successful propane salesman, and he never slacks off at work like Homer does. I think Hank has more wits than Homer does, that's why I think Hank would win.

I hope I didn't offend any Simpsons fans.

Joya Nappo [email]

I'm Very Ape, and Very Nice! -Kurt Cobain! (1967-1994) (Lead singer of Nirvana!)

I think Homer is a little bit of all of us.Hank is to up tight. hank always has to be perfect. Homer is more like a human and makes mistakes.homer wins this one for me.

tmr. tye5095

G. M. Lupo wrote:

Hank is the thinking man's fighter, and would nick and cut Homer with jabs and quick combinations, but in the end Homer would prevail based on his neanderthal psyche and impenetrable wall of lard.

Same question, but Bobby and Bart -- who's left standing?

Bart without question. Bobby wouldn't even know the fight started before Bart had his pants flying on the flagpole, picture in the newpaper and Bobby standing in the auditorium naked running for homecoming queen, and liking it!

On Sun, 08 Feb 1998 09:45:52 -0500, john & michelle wrote:

G. M. Lupo wrote:

Good question, but Homer would kick his ass. Homer has knocked out many people in the series. Hank Hill is old compaired to Homer. He was afraid to use a gun!

Pj

Solis wrote:

Plus, on tonight's episode, Homer endured repeated blows to the head from Marge, Willy, and Rev. Lovejoy without losing consciousness.

Matt Lupo

On a day other than Fri, 06 Feb 1998 00:30:41 -0800, someone who wasnt "G. M. Lupo" didnt write:

well the simpsons hardly have continuity about anything, let alone his physical strength. In terms of him being strong, he beat the cr*p out of barts big brother, has "homer simpsons syndrome" in which he can absorb nearly any blow to the head and homer took out a few government agents with no trouble in the episode where he worked for the terrorist. But in terms of him being a wimp, running 10 feet winded him, and several minutes later he was still gasping for air in the episode marge became a cop in. Also, he was unable to kill a fly with a head on punch.

Depending on which version of homer you use, the results would vary. An amalgram of homers, that is the average homer, would probably lose to hank from what we've seen of him...

On Fri, 06 Feb 1998 00:30:41 -0800, "G. M. Lupo" wrote:

Hank would of course, he's powered by propane!

homer would win because he fights dirty.

Geaux Tigers!

Who in the hell cares about who would win? What does this have to do with the Simpsons and what does it have to do with anything?

Gary Hayes wrote in article ...

WWA Man wrote:

Hey, man, it has EVERYTHING to do with everything. Hank Hill is coming to Springfield and he's planning on kicking butt and taking names. And the first name on his list is Homer Simpson!

Matt Lupo