I just dug this up from my hard drive. I wrote it sometime around May or June ... it's mostly rushed and sometimes just plain stupid, but there's a few laughs in there for anyone who's interested. (It's the first act of a story about Leela's Blernsball career ... in which she's originally rejected because the coach is the son of the alien restaurant owner and she has to pose as a two-eyed being. I had sections of Acts 2 and 3, but they're even more incomplete.)
----------[begin]---------- Establishing Shot: Planet Express building in the evening. A truck labelled "PIZZA" hovers past. Inside, the crew are lounging around like vegetables, slumped on the couch and at the table. The clock ticks slowly.
Fry: So, where do you guys wanna go for dinner? Bender: Anyplace but Arby's. Leela: We could just order Neptunian. Fry: Nah, my doctor said I should cut down on my cheese intake. Dr. Zoidberg: You're damn right.
Professor Farnsworth enters from the next room.
Professor: Why don't you fellows just spend the night here and enjoy a home-cooked meal? I've just acquired a ton of microwavable popcorn as a gift from one of my graduate students.
He points into the kitchen, where piles are stacked from floor to ceiling of white popcorn boxes.
Professor.: The first batch should be just about ready.
The microwave dings and Farnsworth brings some over in a big bowl. Hermes takes a handful and stuffs it in his mouth. He swallows, but then slaps his hand over his mouth and looks nautious.
EXT., the boardwalk beside the East River. The city is still full of life, as many signs are lit up and people, aliens and robots enjoy a night on the town Fry, Bender, Leela, Dr. Zoidberg and Amy walk along the sidewalk, as Hermes lags behind them, clutching his stomach.
Leela: Well, this is the restaurant district. See anything you like?
They observe the restaurants around them. As they bicker with each other, Hermes is in the background, throwing up loudly over the balcony. We cut away, finally, and the camera pans around the block to display the places Leela mentions.
Leela: Okay, so it's a choice between the Sushi Barn, McDonalds, and T.G.I.T.C.B.H.O.P.
They try to go to a run-down place owned by a slovenly alien man, but the owner takes one look at Leela and shakes his head angrily.
Owner: We not serve your kind _here_! Fry: Wh-what kind? Owner: Widda one-eyed human!! I cont having people see we that kindo' business! Bender: Well, what if we just got rid of the one-eyed freak? Owner: Eaten widdout patience ... You comen here .. nevah' again!
They leave the restaurant.
Fry: Boy, some people sure have an attitude. Bender: Yeah, screw his ethnic crap! We'll find a more open-minded place to eat.
EXT. McDonalds ... Fry, Bender and Leela part ways with the others and go towards it. McDonalds has the traditional golden arches. Under their sign is a banner that says "One Hundred Trillion Served."
They get in line inside. The workers in the back all look like teenage aliens. At the counter ...
Fry: Um, I'll have the McNuggets. Leela: I'll have some McSlugs, a McFetus and a medium Slurm. Bender: Just a Diet Oil for me, thanks. I'm trying to watch my figure. Worker: Would you like fries with that? Fry: Naw, make mine seperate.
Fry laughs uncontrollably. Bender and Leela look at him as if expecting something to make sense ... then Leela rolls her eye.
Leela: Uh-huh. Right.
She shoves him in the back, and he walks towards the tables section. They follow. Bender starts guzzling down his oil right away. They sit at a booth, and everyone has a placemat in front of them with a set of 3D glasses. Fry picks up his set and looks at the placement in front of him. Cut to Fry's POV, and it's a picture of a monkey holding a banana.
Fry: Cool, it's in 3D! Leela, c'mere, check this out! Leela: Gee, I'd love to, Fry, but I'm really not in the right shape for that. Bender: [takes a break from drinking] If you worried about the subliminal advertisements in it, don't worry. It's only an ad for some tight-ass Anti-Drug Campaign. Leela: Nooo ... that's not what I mean.
Fry and Bender look at each other quizzically. Fry looks at his paper and back at Leela. Leela clears her throat and gestures at her face.
Fry: Oh ... oh. Sorry, Leela.
Fry then turns back to the placemat and starts laughing again. Bender slams his empty oil cup on the table.
Bender: Ahh, I needed a good drink. [his eyes widen suddenly] Oh, excuse me for a minute ... Fry, would you mind joining me in the Men's room? Fry: Uh, I guess so.
They leave.
Leela: [sighs] Robots, always going to the restroom in pairs ...
Leela looks at her placemat and sees an ad for a Blernsball game/tournament. She smiles and murmurs approvingly.
INT., the McDonalds Men's room. Fry and Bender walk in. On the wall is a row of sinks, which they walk past. Then there's a row of urinals, where Fry stops and turns towards the wall. Then, there's a row of little conical funnels coming out of the wall. Bender turns towards one, opens his chest compartment, and out comes a little tube. With the tube, he attaches himself to a cone, similar to R2D2 in Star Wars. (I really don't want to spoon-feed the reference like this, but that's the easiest way for me to describe the action.)
As the cone swirls around and Bender waits patiently, a big robot (like the Crushinator, only dark-grey, and not a female) wheels over to the cone next to him. He does the same as Bender, only the tube he uses is very thick and bulky. They both stand there with the cones whirring. Bender slowly turns his head to the side, towards the other robot, but the robot notices it. Bender quickly swivels his head around and starts whistling nervously.
[NOTE: Written on the bathroom wall is "For a good time, visit www.alienfetish.com"]
Outside the restroom, Leela is thumbing through some pamphelets on the wall. We hear a flush, and Fry walks out, fixing his pants. Bender follows Fry, and has a white strip of paper dangling out the side of his chest compartment.
Fry: Um, Bender ...
Fry points at it, and Bender rips it out nervously. His eyes dart around, embarrased. ----------[end]----------
This next joke was one of those that you think is pretty funny but you can't think of any place to insert it in the story ... anyone who saw the season premiere may recognize it. (Keep in mind I got the idea months ago.)
-----?----- They all approach the transport tube. Leela and Bender go inside and Leela says "wherever they want to go." They're lifted away. Fry then goes in, and repeats what he heard Leela say. He's lifted as well.
The first two land fine, but Fry plops onto the pavement awkwardly. Something he was holding in the tube then comes down and hits him in the head. -----?-----