Party on a planet science has always said you could never possibly set foot on. Meet creatures both strange and seductive. Will Leela become a trophy wife? Can Fry handle the perfect women? See why you want to be careful who you enjoy oysters with. Bender and Fry get smashed, and discover a few really demented things about Professor Farnsworth.
For anyone who read my first draft, you deserve a reward for getting past the intro. But instead what I got you is a rewrite that adds some jokes, a few new parts that bring in Amy, Hermes and Zoidberg, corrects the mistakes and makes it consistent with the show so far.
Fantasy Futurama
Filmed in living gray matter
Fry's Days Off
---------------Setting: the loading bay of the space ship.
Fry is struggling to push a crate covered with labels reading: "To Jupiter", "From Earthling Entertainment", "Party Supplies."
Fry: "grunt, uhgh, move ... wretched ... cube ... shaped ... object."
Fry, out of breath, stops to consider the box for a second.
Fry: "What I really need is a heavy-duty winch."
Along strolls Bender, wearing a jump suit, carrying high in one hand a much larger box labeled "Inflatable Party Supplies."
Bender: "You can put me down for some of that. Nothing like some female
companionship after a hard days work. wink wink, nudge nudge."
Fry: "I didn't say wench, Bender. I said winch. You know, a machine
for lifting and pulling heavy things."Bender: somewhat cross, "I heard you right the first time."
Fry: "Ours is in the shop again. Someone keeps burning out the drive
motor by rapidly forwarding and reversing it."
Bender: quickly adds "I'd blame Leela. you know how women are,
'Should I bring it up. Should I bring it down. No it was better up. Oh
look, I broke a nail.' The sissies.
By the way, how do you like my new outfit? It's a Donna Karan-Valvoline
original. The professor has all kinds of good stuff in the back storage
closet. I found a different color for every day of the week."Bender sashays back and forth and does a turn, showing off his new garb.
Fry: "So that's where you've been loafing, and now you grab the light
box."
Bender: "Light? We're carrying practically the same thing. I have the
heavy metal slush balls,"Bender puts his crate down with a thud. He pulls out a flat circle that he inflates with his antenna into a silvery beach ball sized sphere.
Bender: " and you're, ha, carrying the lead balloons." He pulls the 'To Jupiter' sticker off Fry's box to reveal the word 'Inflatable' above 'Party Supplies.'
Fry, leaning against the box, pulls out a long deflated balloon.
Fry: "These are party balloons? That's a relief. I can't begin to tell you what I thought these were used for."
He drops it, producing a big clang. Professor Farnsworth walks in.
Prof: "Careful with those you two, and hurry. We need to make this delivery to Jupiter before the start of the rainy season. I'll help."
The professor picks up Fry's box and carries it into the ship.
Fry: "Hay, that weighed a ton. Did he take some kind of super strength
pill or something?"
Bender: "Not unless he wants hair growing on his palms, Yeash. If you
humans want to carry something heavy, there are two ways. There's the
Exoskeleton Heavy Lifter."Bender points to a decrepit machine standing in the corner that looks like the loader from the Aliens movie. It gives a spontaneous shudder like a washer off balance.
Bender: "Or just use an anti-gravity ray."
Bender tosses the ball into the ship. He pulls out a ray gun, points it at Fry, who cringes, and fires. A beam of light hits Fry, surrounds him and he is lifted into the air. Fry uncovers his eyes and looks at the ground, smiles and begins flapping his arms.
Fry: "This is Great! If I only had this in gym class when we had to climb that rope."
Bender: "OK flesh boy, lets get this junk loaded. I've got places to go and robots to meet."
He lowers Fry to the ground and hands him the ray gun.
Fry: " No problemo."
Fry zaps the biggest box and picks it up with one hand then lifts it over his head. Music: a triumphant "dat da da DAA!" Fry puts the gun in his belt and starts up the ramp to the space ship.
Bender picks up the crate he was carrying.
Bender: "Just remember, keep the beam pointed at the load at all times. The effect wears off after 3 seconds."
Fry stops. Eyes grow wide. He puts both hands up to hold the crate. Struggles for a second. His legs buckle and the crate smashes him, breaking open its load of shiny, fist sized balls.
Bender: "AHk! Flesh Boy!"
Bender drops his crate and rushes to uncover the battered and bleeding Fry.
Bender: "Hang on buddy, Bender's here to take care of you."
Bender pulls at his jump suit, and with great difficulty tares off a strip to make a bandage for Fry's arm. In the process Benders shoulder comes half off. Prof comes running down the ramp.
Prof: "Bender, what happened? Your shoulder, let me fix you up. I'll make a sling."
The professor starts tarring at his lab coat. Failing, he stands on it, trying to rip the arm off with his teeth.
Bender: "Well, the one thing you didn't skimp on is the quality of our work clothes."
Scene 2 --------
Fry is laying on a bed, he is covered in bandages made from ripped clothing. Of interest to cartoon men is that the lower half of Leela's shirt is torn off. He begins to open his eyes, one lid is swollen shut.
Fry: "Wha, What happened. Things look flat. World 2 dimensional. Leela
looking particularly hot."
Leela: "Told ya you can see fine with one eye." Prof: "You were buried under a gross of jovian ping pong balls. We dug
you out and brought you to a hospital."
Fry: "Hospital? What did the doctor say? Am I going to make it?"
Leela: laughing, "Doctor? Don't be silly. Doctors are far too
specialized and
expensive to see patients. Hospitals are run by The Auto Mat Corporation.
They
will diagnose your problem and prescribe an individualized treatment among
the
many services and hot meals they provide.Prof: "I just hope we brought enough change."
The view widens to take in the large room they are in. The walls are lined with coin operated cubby holes with labels saying things like, "Lungs", "Coronary Bypass", "livers", "beef stew", "livers, NOT an organ replacement." One man in the internal organ section is contemplating his choice. A couple with steaming trays are sitting down at a table. Another man blindfolded with a bandage fumbles to put a coin in a slot labeled "Eyeballs."
Bender is in the limb section. He is getting his arm screwed on. Leela hands Fry a drink with a bendy straw. A large ray tube hangs above him reads "Woundalizer." The professor is counting out change.
Fry: "Why isn't Dr. Zoidberg here? He's a doctor."
Leela: "This is serious Fry. You were really hurt. Besides, the last
time
Dr. Zoidberg treated a trauma victim was at an all you can eat shrimp
buffet.
Prof: "That was his finest hour. He was able to save over a dozen of
the golden prong.
Those are just the skills needed for the delivery he, Amy and Hermes were
sent on."Leela: "Lets see what the Woundalizer has to say."
She drops a coin into a slot in the wall. A whining sound builds. The woundalizer glows. Electric sparks fly through it. The Prof and Leela jump back.
Fry: weekly "Mummy."
Fry's skeleton begins to visibly glow green.
Compassionate Female Voice From Above (cfvfa): "Analyzing.... Broken bones detected... please deposit 5 quarters.."
Leela starts pumping in coins. Bender comes over. He's all-a-sparkle.
Bender: "I'm a whole robot man again, and thanks to the Professors
Entertainment 3000 coupon book, they threw in a free wax job. Did I miss
anything good?"
Prof: "No, it just started. I'm sure it will prove quite educational.
Oh, and Bender, did you forget my turkey club?"Bender opens his chest and pulls out a sandwich that he hands to the grateful Professor.
Arms emerge from under Fry's bed. Two hands straiten out his limbs, setting the broken bones while another zaps the break. Giving a few extra zaps to the head and chest, they disappear beneath the bed.
Cfvfa: ".... Internal Bleeding and ruptured organs... Please deposit 8 more quarters..."
Leela pumps in more coins.
Prof: "Bender, see if you can get change for this"
He hands the robot a crinkly bill.
Bender: "Oh! The machine wont take this. Ok, I'll try it. But I'm a bender, not a damn flattener."
He folds the bill and heads off.
Charges build up in the over head tube and strikes Fry several times with lightning like bolts.
Cfvfa: "..... Various contusions and open wounds..... Please deposit 3 quarters..."
Leela: "Well, that doesn't sound so life threatening."
She looks over to see a battered, drooling Fry.
Leela: "All right, but I wont be borrowing you any money for the video arcade for a while."
Bender arrives with more change and a super sized coffee, which he adds a bottle of whisky to. Out of the wall above Fry comes an arm with a ray gun at the end. It emits a golden beam that hits each bruise, healing the wound. Then, to Fry's grate relief, it zaps his groin area. It retreats back into the wall.
Cfvfa: "... an excess of metabolized fat.... Please deposit 2
quarters."
Professor: "I'll not have an unfit crew."Another zap, larger and longer then the last issues from the overhead tube. Smoke rises from the stunned Fry.
Cfvfa: "... rank musty odor ... faint burning smell.... Please deposit
1 quarter."
Bender: "I've been waiting for this one for some time."Bender drops in a quarter. Two hoses come out of the wall, spraying him first with soapy water, then a rinse. Fry makes burbling sounds in protest. Hoses go back into the wall. We hear a fan and Fry's bandages of torn clothing flutter in the breeze.
Cfvfa: ".... Recommend 3 days complete bed rest.... Patient may go
home... The salad bar and freshly prepared entrees are available 24 hours a
day.... Todays soup is reduced taste gumbo."
Prof: "Unacceptable, we must leave for Jupiter tonight or forfeit our
contract completely."
Bender: "And I'm not missing the Grate Storm Parade to be on adult
diaper duty."
Leela: "He's in no condition to be by himself, what are we going to
do?"
Cfvfa: ".... Analyzing..."Electrodes from out of the bed strap themselves to Fry's forehead.
Cfvfa: "..... Creating the optimal companion and health care provider for patient.... Please insert 3 quarters..."
Leela: "At least they don't nickel and dime you here like some places."
We follow the electric discharges and flashing lights leading from the electrodes to a raised platform on which various robot parts are being assembled. A final spray coating, and when the fog clears a vary beautiful, slightly artificial woman in a nurse uniform stands before them. Bender's eyes bulge. His grinning head starts to spin and is raised on a screw shaft, until he is almost at eye level with the nurse. It has gone too far and teeters for a second. Bender suavely raises his dark recessed eyebrows twice and his head falls off.
Scene 3 -----------
Hermes Conrad is piloting a bubble sub through the deep ocean. To his right is Dr. Zoidberg, and in the back seat is Amy.
Amy: "It's bad enough that I'm missing the Jupiter storm celebration to go to cousin Wendy's wedding in dull Hawaii, but did we really have to go there under water?"
Hermes: "Absolutely mon. By making this delivery, the whole trip is completely tax deductible."
Dr. Zoidberg: "And the Mutoid Pearl Farm will pay us with their largest pearl. Such a large shiny object should draw any number of strong healthy mates."
Hermes: "Heads up everyone. I am picking up the oysters on my sonar, and they are big boys. Dr. Zoidberg mon, man the remote manipulator arm. Amy, be ready to eject an irritant when he tells you. We are going in."
They all become engrossed in their task as the approach an oyster several times the size of their craft.
Dr. : "Now I just insert the injector, careful not to touch the mollusk inside.
An arm at the front of the sub pushes a needle between the oysters shells.
Dr. : "Wonderful, now eject the irritant."
Hermes: "That wasn't so bad, was it? Just 99 more to go."
Dr. : "Oh, oh!"
Amy: in a panic "Don't say oh, oh. Do not say oh, oh. Now is not the time to be saying oh, oh."
Dr. : "I think this oyster may be aroused. I have high readings of pheromones in the area."
Amy: "Pheromones? No! Cousin Wendy is promised to an 80 year old man. I got her aphrodisiac powder for a wedding present. It could of gotten on the irritant pellets."
Dr. : "An aphrodisiac released in the cabin could also explain why I find myself so attracted to this oyster. I really am more of a soft shell man myself."
Hermes: "Every one hang loose. We just back away slowly, and get to the surface for some fresh air."
The oyster opens its giant maw. Hermes turns the ship around, but it's too late. The powerful back wash drags the tiny sub inside. The oyster closes its shell.
Hermes: "This could not possibly be as bad as it looks. Hmmm . Dr. Zoidberg,, is that a new cologne you're wearing?"
Amy grabs an air tank. She puts the breather to her face and crouches in the back seat. Her fearful eyes dart back and forth from Hermes to Zoidberg.
Scene 4 --------
Fry sitting in bed, looking sad. Leela is at his side. Nurse-Bot is near by.
Leela: "Your marshmallow fluff is in the freezer. Bender left a pint of
gin and
some cyber porn in your top dresser drawer. Is there any thing else I can
get you before we go?"
Fry: "No. That's everything I need."
Leela: "The nurse-bot will be here for you. And we'll be just a short
half billion miles away."Bender and Farnsworth walk past the door.
Bender: "Can we go yet?"
Prof: "I do wish you well boy. That's why I'm letting you stay here,
where you'll have air 24 hours a day. But time is of the utmost importance
and we have a deadline to keep. Besides, I have unrefundable Slush Ball
tickets."Professor Farnsworth holds up 4 tickets. Leela and Bender perk up and head for the tickets.
Both talking at the same time.
Leela: "Wow, championship slush ball. See you when we get back Fry.
These seats are great."
Bender: "I didn't know about tickets. Yha, see ya Fry."They walk out of the room. The sound of their excited talking slowly disappears.
Fry: "Suckers"
Turning to the other side of the room where the nurse-bot is waiting. Fry slicks back his hair and smiles.
Fry: "So, nurse, since we're going to be spending so much time
together, we should get to know each other better. I don't even know your
name."
Nurse: "I am a bata series medical Companbot of the nurse variety.
My programming includes the total humanoid medical database as well as the
complete 1000 year works of Martha Steward's Living Well. And I already know
everything about you." Fry: "What, with that mind thinggy probe?"
Nurse: "Yes, and to be a better companion , all 20th century trivia
and the complete contents of your favorite periodical,
Play Dude, was also downloaded into my memory.
I was created specifically to meet all your physical and emotional needs." Fry: "Super, although I"
Both together: "only buy it for the articles."
They both laugh. Fry: "So that explains why you look so familiar too."
Nurse: "My form was composed to solicit your maximum compliance. My
face
is that of your first sweet hart and I have the body of Pamela Anderson Lee
Clinton
Gingrich. Now, why don't you sit back and relax while I read to you."Fry: "Umm, ok."
Fry's smile becomes frozen as his eyes fall on the giant volume she picks up labeled "A Millennium of observations by Andy Rooney"
Scene 5 --------
Our favorite rocket ship races past the colorful moons and off to the even more colorful planet Jupiter. It makes its way to the giant red spot where it spirals around and is siphoned down to the inner atmosphere where we find an expansive cloud planet with skyscrapers growing out of the wispy surface. All is lit by millions of lightning bolts striking every second hundreds of miles above. La dee da dee da da.
Setting down in a landing bay, the ship is met by a group of huge aliens. They have 5 eyes, one on top of their head, and one each on their front, back, left and right side. They scurry up to the ship in a triangular formation. Clicking on a remote, the leader extrudes a shimmering corridor to the ships docking door. Leela, Bender and Professor Farnsworth come down the ramp.
Head alien: in his thundering voice, "Greetings, I am Titanius, Minister of all Recreation, Amusement and Internment on Jupiter. And you no doubt have our delivery from Earth. I must warn you not to step outside the force barrier or our atmosphere will instantly crush your carbon based bodies into diamonds."
Prof: "I'm quite aware of the affect of your dangerous atmosphere, that's why I was sure to wear my special support underwear and stockings. I am Professor Farnsworth, and this is my pilot Leela and our slave, umm ah, I mean robot Bender. Now, if you'll sign this bill of delivery, you may take possession of the cargo."
The professor thrusts a computerized clipboard through the force barrier. The clipboard immediately disintegrates, leaving the professor holding a fragment.
Prof: "Or I could just fax it to you. Come this way."
The Professor and Bender start moving up the ramp followed by Titaniuses underlings, each in their separate atmospheres.
Titanius and Leela are alone. She is about to start up the ramp when he speaks.
Titanius: "So.. Tell me, will you be staying for our Storm Days
Festival?"
Leela: "Yes, at least until tomorrow. We don't want to get stuck once
the metallic hydrogen starts raining down."Titanius: "Do not worry. It will be another week until the storm hits. This is a time for celebration. A time to enjoy all the dryness and the hospitality Jupiter has to offer.