I am starting a new conspiracy theory and you have an opportunity to get in on the ground floor. Ever wonder who first came up with the idea that the NSA, CIA, OSS etc were working with aliens? Sure you can start believing it now, but it's the people who got paranoid first who get all the profits and the bragging rights.
Well this is a new conspiracy and you can be one of the first to begin fearing major corporate intrusions into your life.
How major are these corporations? How about Fox, the NFL, Exxon, Microsoft, AOL, 21st Century Real Estate, DuPont and Mayflower Moving Company?
Intrigued? I didn't think so, but read on anyway.
Fox and the NFL regularly pre-empt Futurama episode on the east coast, but not in the west. Fans have only a few options. One, they can pack up and move west. And how will they move? They'll buy houses through 21st Century Real Estate, pack up there belongings in a Mayflower truck burning Exxon fuel. Once they've been out west for a summer or two, they'll realize it's too hot for humans to live and move back. Why is it too hot? Global warming caused in a large part by DuPont's Freon.
Other people will be content to download episodes which causes them to be online for long periods of time. During which AOL can use the connection to read your mail and look inside your refrigerator.
Meanwhile, while you're moving back and forth across the country, Fox is coming to your garage sales and buying up your old furniture at pennies on the dollar. When you get sick of living out west and move back, they'll be there to sell it back at inflated prices.
So get in the ground floor now. We have openings for the following:
1. Shadowy figures claiming to be ex-employees of any of the companies involved.
2. Shadowy figures who can find unrelated references in congressional records and make them sound important.
3. Generally paranoid individuals who are will to believe or pretend to.
- Phone sales.
When you sigh up a so called friend, you will get 10% of their total paranoia. Also, you'll get 10% of the paranoia they get from signing up their so called friends. Once a few tiers are added, you can just sit back and fear the government and business.
send you censored resume to:
XYZ company *** N. **th st Offshore island nation, The Bahamas
While you were reading this, the contents of your garbage can were forwarded to the Bush administration.
Thank you, Larry
Well, I've successfully killed 10 mins while waiting for a download to finish.