Let's Settle this Pizza Crap Right Now

It has come to my attention that a young Mr. T. C. Dallas of Catersville, Georgia has once again raised the "pizza--Robot 3000" question. To resolve this issue for Mr. Dallas and the thousands of young Robot 3000 fans out there, I have recently formed an exploratory commission chaired by yours truly and staffed by a team of slim Hooters girls (this includes Tiffany, Josey, Amber, Kristin, Page, and Crystal but not Jodie, Nikki and Heather).

After several days of research and chicken wings, I pulled a groin muscle and was forced to hand over control of the committee to Amber. Under Amber's guidance, the committee resolved several of the "shampoo-conditioner" questions and purchased a Ricky Martin CD.

Upon my return to the helm, we jumped headfirst into hairy dilemma. I once again pulled a groin muscle. Following a brief rehab session, I returned to discover that the girls had abandoned the committee in favor of the Ricky Martin NG. Nonetheless, I continued my research. The results were shocking....

Teenage star Dana Plato passed away within 48 hours following the filming of the last scene of the pizza commercial. According to her agent and viewers of the commercial, Dana played no part in the filming. Why did she have to die, you ask? Well, hang on, it gets deep.

On the day the pizza commercial debuted, Kid Rock's video Bawdidibaw hit number three on the MTV total recall live broadcast. Bawdidibaw translates from its original Gaelic meaning into "Pizza Bells." Need I say more about that?

At the same time... oh hell, Real World is about to come on, sorry, gotta go.

It disappoints me that no one has acknowledged the research that my exploratory committee performed. We are working for you, people! I know my fate is to toil away in anonymity for years and to earn postmortem recognition in a movie by Oliver Stone or perhaps John Waters (depending on, of course, which aspects of my complicated life are examined). For god's sake, Amber is crying now. Are you happy with yourselves? Shame.

Love, don't hate.

By the way, I'm sponsoring a boycott of all the other pizza "joints" until they begin playing the dramatic theme to Robot 3000. Part of my research (pg. 457) shows that pizza parlors (that's what the kids are calling them these days) use television themes all the time. Pizza Hut plays The PJ's theme. Papa John's plays Chico & The Man (ahhh.. Freddie Prince, I wish you were still here with us to share a laugh). Little Caesar's plays Amos n' Andy. Chuck E. Cheese plays the soundtrack to Harold & Maude--how freaky! Yikes.

Where's the spell check on this thing?

Y'know, the same thing happened to me in alt.music.sloan when I said the b-sides album should be called _Sloanthology_. That was my best idea of the week. No one replied. But they were just jealous. You're a genius.

Ben Mann / [email]

FlipScrip hO hO wrote:

You just made it on the committee, pal. Tiffany, send this fella the T-shirt and aviator's hat! Pronto, woman!!

Ben Mann wrote in article ...

the

the

A button on the top of your screen with an ABC and a checkmark, helpfully labeled 'spelling'. As to your research, while I appreciate and understand the need for the research you've already performed on this topic, I'm afraid the commitee can see no reason to renew your grant at this time. Frankly, serveral dubious 'research expenses' have come to my attention, including a CD player, four chrome hubcaps, a trip to Beunos Aires, a piano autographed by Bruce Lee and Buster Keaton and $400,000 for an 'interociter'.

In article , [email] wrote:

Apparently, the committee needs a CIO / CTO / Tech Consultant. "button... with an ABC and a checkmark, helpfully labeled 'spelling.'"

Geez! Get a real newsreader! [1]

I'd hate to see the tech budget. Better relinquish control of it all to me.

I'll make sure it is properly appropriated, between installations, upgrades, replacement of bloatware "newsreaders," liquor, blackjack and hookers.

Jim

[1] Which, of course, would necessitate learning to spell. And type. [2]

[2] I see your point.

Better just forget the installations and newsreaders...

In article , [email] wrote:

I'd be tempted to forget the blackjack, too...

David Ziebart wrote in message news:[email]...

and a crate full of socks!!!!!!!