Man has asked this question for a lifetime. We search and research and yet we are no closer to an answer than we were when Vologas first posted his age-old question.
It is hard to imagine that mankind has the ability to place people on the moon, monkeys into orbit, and shrink waffles into tasty cereal treats, yet we can not collectively resolve one of the most fundamental of issues of human existence. My study of cartoon sexual stimulation started in the late 1940s with the infamous Betty vs. Veronica debate that divided the country and ultimately decided the presidential race of 1948. While it was later proven by Dr. Emil Hanover Shekels that Betty was, in fact, the most attractive, the great debate over cartoon figures had begun.
Wilma Vs Betty. Sailor Moon vs. Trixie (of Speed Racer). Kitty Pride Vs Jean Gray (Phoenix). And of course cartoon Marsha Brady vs. cartoon Wynonia Ryder (of the Betelgeuse cartoon series). We laugh at these so-called debates now because science has settled them all in such a convincing fashion that the issues are no longer even up for debate. The issue is settled even in the Kansas City public schools (which still teach something called "scientific creationism" for god's sake).
Yet despite science's solution to 99 percent of our inappropriate cartoon-related masturbation debates, the greatest challenge still lies ahead of us. Amy vs. Leela.
With the republicans cutting our funding it seems highly unlikely that we will find the tough answers we need to resolve this issue within our lifetime. As depressing as that sounds, all is not lost. For, does lotion not come in a bottle that the average teenage boy can purchase at the local 5 and dime? Do we no longer have tube socks that are long enough to cover the male portions of our anatomy? My friends, we have both. Lotion and socks. And as god almighty as my witness, as long as we have that, do we really need an answer to the Amy vs. Leela question?
Can't we simply get along, alone in our own rooms? Preferably with the lights out and the volume up just loud enough to mask any shouts of cartoonish pleasure!
What I see today is a divide growing among us. The Leela's on the one end and the Amy's on the other. Sure, its not de facto segregation--there are no laws that keep us apart (except in some parts of Tennessee)--what we face and what we are witnessing as a growing phenomena is what I call de jure segregation. Its just simply there. Ask an Amy about a Leela and see what happens. Its sad. And what I see happening is....
Sorry got to go, Mommy is calling, good bye! Bourbon time!