Incomplete Transcript of 2ACV17 - War is the H-Word

Hi, I'm currently making a German translation of this episode. But I've got a little problem, I just can't understand some parts. So it would be nice if someone helped me to fill out the gaps in the following transcript. And it would also be nice if someone corrected my spelling errors. :) A [???]-sign means a gap where I did't understand some words and a [?]-sign means that I'm not sure if this is right.

Well, let's go:

Fry: "Mmh, Spider, Hubble, Liquid....Ooh, Big Pink! It's the only gum with the breathfreshening power of ham."

Bender: "And it pinkens your teeth while you chew."

Clerk: "Alright Sergeant, a hundred dollars with the [???] sticks and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to 95 dollars." "That'll be forty cents."

Fry: "I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount."

Clerk: "That's only for people in the military."

Bender: "What? This is the worst kind of discrimination. The kind against me!"

Clerk: "Alright, look: Our policy is: If for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you."

Bender: "Okay, now I'm mad."

Fry: "Full price for gum? That dog won't hunt [???]."

Bender: "Hello. We're here because we....love our planet."

Officer: "Sign here on the dotted line, patriots. Then I'll give you your discount cards."

Fry: "Just out of curiosity: We can use the cards to buy gum, the immediately quit the army, right?"

Bender:
"You know, [???]."

Officer: "Correct. There's no obligation. Unless, of course, war were declared."

Fry: "What's that?"

Officer: "War were declared."

Farnsworth: "Now, be careful, Fry. And if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage. Their rich tasty courage."

Hermes: "I don't want you to worry about your jobs while you're away. That's why I'm firing you now."

Leela: "I want to enlist. My friends always die if I'm not there to save them."

Zapp: "Sorry. But the army's instituted a men-only policy."

Leela: "What?"

Zapp: "It's shameful, I agree. In the olden days I proudly fought a long side female troups. [?] Shoulder to, er, shoulder. Alas, after a series of deadly bunders [?] caused by distracting low [???] and lots of harmless pinching, the army decided women weren't fit for service. Not when I'm in charge."

Leela: "You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson."

Zapp: "If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kif?"

Kif: "Sexlexia."

Zapp: "Men! You're lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine mesh screen [?] for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all."

Bender: "Great, we're gonna die."

Fry: "And this ham gum is all bones."

Zapp: "Now to present the logistics of our mission, the Commander and Chief, please welcome the original [???] baby, earth president Richard M. Nixon!"

Nixon: "This is the brass ring, fellas. Planet Spheron One."

Fry: "Cool effect!"

Zapp: "It's a deserted ugly little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions?"

Soldier: "Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for?"

Zapp: "Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying."

Fry: "Er, just [???], who's the enemy?"

Zapp: "A valid question! We know nothing about their language, their history or what they look like. But we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also they told me you guys look like dorks."

Bender: "They look like dorks!" "Die sehen wie Idioten aus!"

Zapp: "What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue? Kif, write that down and send it to 'Humor in Uniform'."

Fry: "Whoah. Check out that guy. He makes Speedy Gonzales look like Regular Gonzales."

Kif: "That new recruit is phenomenal, Sir."

Zapp: "Yeah! He edged out my old mark by two seconds. And sixteen minutes....and twelve hours. I do plan to finish someday, Kif. Good hustle [?], soldier."

Leela: "Er...sorry, Sir. I was still in attack mode. You know, how the testosterone is."

Zapp: "As a bubbling crackpot of male hormones I sure do. What's your name, private?"

Leela: "Lee...laaa....man. La man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, Sir."

Zapp: "Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man. And more importantly you're hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child. What lotion do you use?"

Leela: "Pert'n'Popular [?], Sir."

Zapp: "Roger that. Kif, get me ten cases of Pert'n'Popular."

Kif: "What shall I do with your Jergin's [?] Sir?"

Zapp: "Squirt it on some homeless man with dry elbows. Private Lemon may well be the finest recruit I've seen in all my years of service. That young man fills me with hope. And some other emotions that weird and deeply confusing me."

Zapp: "Hello."

Nixon: "Mmh, now that's a nice Ros�. So anyway, we open up the [What the heck is he talking about?!]. True story."

Zapp: "Aha. That's whatever you were talking about for ya."

Fry: "Mind if we sit with you?"

Leela: "Er....hey. Why the hell would I? We're all guys here. Sweaty, hairy, gassy guys."

Fry: "Good point....I guess."

Bender: "You're my kind of soldier, Lemon. A foul-mouthed barrel-chested beer-belly pile of ugly muscles."

Soldier: "So, and do you fellas got a special lady back home?"

Fry: "Well, I sort of have a thing for this girl I work with."

Leela: "Really? What type is she? You know, blond or Chinese or cyclops?"

Fry: "Cyclops."

Leela: "Ooh. She sounds sweet."

Bender: "But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard fighting hard fighting ugly ugly son of a..."

Leela: "Stop! Stop flattering me."

Zapp: "Attention. Well, well, well. If it isn't Lee Lemon, the flaming star of Brannigan's rough rangers. Say, Lemon, do you like to read? I just got a great book on tape, it's about life in ancient Greece and..."

Leela: "Sir, the alarm. I think I better..."

Zapp: "Sh. Don't talk, just go."

Nixon: "We're now in position above Spheron One. This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon."

Zapp: "And now for the battle plan. As you all know, the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!"

Fry: "It's creepy here."

Soldier: "This is the worst part. The calm before the battle."

Fry: "And then the battle's not so bad?"

Soldier: "Alright. I forgot about the battle."

Fry: "What's happening?"

Soldier: "Holy shoe [?]. Looky!"

Fry: "The enemy. They're balls!"

Leela: "Charge your gun, Fry."

Fry: "Oh, right." "Oh, stimmt."

Zapp: "Watch where you're shooting, private. You spooked Felicity. There, there, boy."

Soldier: "Give this to my son."

Bender: "You got it."

Soldier: "Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives."

Bender: "Hey, I think your son might also like those boots."

Soldier: "Cover us, buddy. You got the only wielded up positron shooter. Fry, you [???] coward."

Fry: "Bender, no!"

Bender: "If they put me on a stamp, tell them to use the young Bender."

Loudspeaker: "Incoming wounded. All personnel report operating tent four. Repeat, four. Er, I mean five. Repeat, four."

Nurse: "Are you ready to operate, doctor?"

Zoidberg: "I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. Hahaha, I kid, I kid. Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient."

Doc-Bot: "Geesh, Zoidberg. Leave some for the enemy to kill."

Nurse: "Leave Doctor Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do."

Doc-Bot: "Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher."

Zoidberg: "I see, this is how it starts, first the jokes, then comes the heavy stuff."

Switch: "Irreverent - Maudlin"

Doc-Bot: "When will the killing end?"

Zapp: "Look at this sissy, Kif. While others were fighting and dying pointlessly, he was hiding in a hole wallowing in a pool of his own cowardice."

Fry: "That wasn't cowardice."

Zapp: "I'm depromoting you, soldier. Kif, what's the most humiliating job there is?"

Kif: "Being your assistant."

Zapp: "Wrong. Being your assistant. Private Fry, you shall henceforth serve as Kif's assistant."

Fry: "That doesn't sound too bad."

Kif: "You speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm."

Zoidberg: "I'm afraid he's gone."

Soldier: "Whew, Doc, I ain't dead."

Zoidberg: "Excuse me, I believe I'm the doctor."

Doc-Bot: "Believe it all you want, that won't make it true. This is no war, it's a murder. This is no war, it's a voider [?]."

Soldier: "Bender, old buddy. Hang in there."

Zapp: "Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it. I hear by order that in Bender's honor he'll be melted down and made into a statue of himself."

Nixon: "Slow down there, Starsky. I'm up to something here. I want this robot fixed, fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election. Damn [???] war hero."

Nurse: "Are you ready to operate, doctor?"

Doc-Bot: "I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery."

Zoidberg: "That's my joke. I'll kill you!"

Zapp: "Aah, pre-war Scotch. Welcome, Lieutenant Bender. You're looking sharp."

Bender: "I got wheels. With clickety clackers."

Zapp: "Damned Kif, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a Scotch on the rocks."

Kif: "Actually, Sir...ooh."

Zapp: "Make me a new one."

Kif: "Use a brush, you dunderhead. And mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching."

Nixon: "Now listen here, Bender. This war is in danger of going all quagmire on me. So I'm sending you on one last mission."

Bender: "Hot [???] daffodil."

Nixon: "A mission of peace."

Zapp: "You'll be negotiating with the alien's mysterious leaders, the Brainballs. They got a lot of brains and they got a lot of chutzpa."

Nixon: "Accompanying you will be our top peace negotiator, Henry Kissinger."

Kissinger: "How are you?"

Bender: "Is he any good?"

Nixon: "Looking like that, he talked his way into Jill St. John's bed. 'Nuff said."

Zapp: "A little lower. Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower."

Zapp: "Private Lemon! No need to leave. My stall just became free."

Leela: "Maybe you should put on a towel, Sir."

Zapp: "Right, right. I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands, perhaps I could...rub it on to you."

Nixon: "Brannigan! My god, cover yourself. I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo."

Zapp: "Er, sorry, Mr. President, I didn't realize. Kif, raise him up about nipple high."

Nixon: "Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform. We gotta go off this planet before the bomb goes off."

Leela: "Bomb? What bomb?"

Zapp: "The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot."

Nixon: "Zapp. Zapp! Inspect the troops later. It's time to activate the bomb."

Kissinger: "As for economical operation..."

Bender: "Ooh, excuse me."

Loudspeaker: "Attention. All personnel evacuate the planet immediately. And that just because it's meat loaf night."

Zapp: "Come along, Lemon, before this whole dump blows up."

Leela: "Er, Commander, could you tell me when the bomb is exploding?"

Zapp: "Of course, my significant soldier. The bomb is voice-activated. It will detonate the instant the robot unwittingly speaks a certain word."

Fry: "What's the word? Sir?"

Zapp: "It's the one word the robot uses more that any other. We got it from this convenient database of his ten most frequently used words. Number ten: Chump. 9: Chumpette 8: Yours 7: Up 6: Pimpmobile 5: Bite 4: My 3: Shiny 2: Daffodil and Bender's number one most frequently uttered word, the word which, if uttered, will blow up this entire planet: Ass!"

Fry: "We don't have long."

Brainball: "We demand bouncing, followed by rolling, followed by rolling of the third type."

Kissinger: "Say what?"

Bender: "My chair's too hard. It's a real pain in the...duh, what do you call it? Lower back! Yeah, that hold reason [?]."

Fry: "Okay, I gotta break down that gate, beat up those three guards, steal that chopper and rescue Bender. Hey, I did it! Wait, that's not me..."

Leela: "Come on, we gotta save Bender."

Fry: "You wanna save him, too, Lemon? You barely know him."

Leela: "Fry, don't you recognize me?"

Fry: "Hermes?"

Zapp: "Lee, when will I see you again? The two of you are...good friends? But I thought we would be...good friends. Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell."

Leela: "Hey Zapp!"

Zapp: "Leela!"

Fry: "Leela!"

Zapp: "So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh god, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman."

Leela: "Let's do it again some time."

Brainball: "The elders tell of a young ball much like you. He bounced three metres in the air. Then he bounced 1.8 metres in the air. Then he bounced four metres in the air. Do I make myself clear?"

Kissinger: "Mister Embassador, our people tell the same story. Ui..."

Bender: "These balls are making me testy. If they don't stop bouncing and jiggling I swear I'm gonna shove this treaty up their...wait a second. Where do you shove things up a ball?"

Kissinger: "This isn't a productive area of discussion."

Leela: "We're here. I followed the bouncing balls. I'll keep the chopper in a safe altitude while you parachute down."

Fry: "Okay, my best friend's life is in stake. I can finally prove that I'm not a coward. Will you push me?"

Leela: "I already did."

Fry: "Thank you. At last, war has made me into a man. Woohoo!"

Kissinger: "Please, gentlemen. We must put an end to the bloodshed. We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks."

Brainball: "We can not condone bouncing of the 7th variety."

Bender: "Enough of this crap. I'm catching the next pimpmobile outta here. But before I go, I have one thing to say: Bite my shiny metal..."

Fry: "Stop! You can't say the next word."

Bender: "Up yours, chump, I said it 906 times before lunch."

Fry: "Bender, if you say the A-word, you're you blow this whole planet straight to the H-word."

Kissinger: "Young man, you have the bravery of a hero. And breath as fresh as a summer ham. What, what is funny?"

Bender: "Bender's got the upper hand now. That name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet. I rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute listen these idiots talk about bouncing."

Brainball: "Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle."

Bender: "That's it, I'm saying it. A is for a..."

Brainball: "Wait, stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours."

Fry: "Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens?"

Brainball: "Correct."

Bender: "Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson: Don't mess with earth!"

Brainball: "May you bounce in peace."

Bender: "Get the hell off my planet!"

NNYC Post: "WAR OVER! Balls Thoroughly Licked."

Farnsworth: "Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him. Wake up!"

Bender: "Ey, chumps and chumpettes. Did you get the bomb out? Can I go back to saying the word I love to say?"

Zoidberg: "I'm sorry, but we couldn't remove it."

Farnsworth: "It's stuck in there with glue or something, I don't know."

Bender: "Well this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up. Ass ass ass ass ass. Alright, I'm back in the saddle."

Leela: "We couldn't disarm the bomb, so we reset the word that triggers it."

Amy: "It's been on a list of words you almost never say."

Bender: "That's using your ass. [?] So what's the word?"

Hermes: "We think it's better if you don't know."

Bender: "Ough, come on. I'm not gonna say it. Please! Ooh, is it 'please'?"

Fry: "Nope."

Bender: "Mmh. Words I never say...oh, I know: Thanks!"

Leela: "Bender, stop trying to destroy the world."

Bender: "Wait wait wait wait. Is it 'sorry'? No. Wonderful? Non-alcoholic?"

Amy: "Finish!"

Hermes: "Stupid mon [?]."

Zoidberg: "Enough already."

Bender: "Compassion. Shrimp toast. Antiquing?"

KABOOM!

Bender: "I'm alright."

Johannes

"Johannes Lempp" wrote in message news:[email]...

"Pixie" Stix, straw sized packs of sugar.

"Monsigneuer". French word.

"Play you all for chumps?"

The first two are fine. [???] is "cut fatigues".

That one's ok too.

"Gerber", as in baby food.

[???] is "so we'll know".

Hustle is the word.

A brand of lotion, maybe fictional. At least I've never heard of it.

Jergen's. Another brand of skin lotion, this one's real.

"Panda crate, and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo". I don't know if this a reference to an actual event or not, but Pandas are from China, and Nixon was the first president to travel there.

Sounds like "Holy Shoot" to me. People sometimes say "shoot" instead of "shit".

This one is tough. The first word sounds like "E-bow", maybe "evil". "Evil bellied coward"?

That should really be "Hawk-bot".

"Murder" again, pronounced with an accent making it sound like "moy-der".

"Bean eating".

"Diggity". Nonsense word.

Insert "whole region" for "hold reason".

That's the line. "Using your ass".

They say that in Jamaica. Have a nice day mon. It's used like "hey man", and is probably the same word with an accent.

"LooseChanj" wrote in message news:CC467.33779$[email]...

D'oh! It's "blunders" not "bunders".

Are there transcripts from all ep's somewhere on the web?

"LooseChanj" wrote in message news:XF467.33810$[email]...

side

harmless

"luther" wrote in message news:VV467.4549$[email]...

I'm sure there, but that was a fun 5 minutes or so for me, so I don't really care.

Okay, but what does Fry want to say with these words? Why is there a dog and a French word involved? You know, since I'm German and I've never ever been in an English speaking country in all my life, I have some problems with such expressions.

cf. above

And another time. What's a "mesh screen"?

Anyway, a few weeks ago I made a translation for "Amazon Women in the Mood", and there was also a sentence I didn't understand. It's the one the Amazonian with the blue hair says, after Leela asked why the Amazonians made the Femputer their leader. (after about 13 minutes of the episode, without commercials)

Thanks for all your help. Johannes

"Monsignor" is just used as a joke term of honor here. "That dog won't hunt" is a saying meaning something like "that doesn't make any sense".

It means "take advantage of you like you're dumb"

Metal wire knitted together in a square pattern. Different kinds of it are used for things like tea strainers or window guards (metal screens used for when you open the window so fresh air can come in, but bugs and debris are kept outside).

What is the sentence, Johannes? Maybe I can help. Write me directly!

On 21 Jul 2001 14:25:06 GMT, [email] (Janet F Caires-Lesgold) wrote:

My understanding it that Fry was trying to present himself as being more sophisticated. If someone is unhappy with the service at your store, you might care more if the person is wealthy, famous, or has friends who are.

<Insert dog and French joke here>

Well, your English is certainly much better than my German. Of course, I'm an American and I've never been to an English speaking country either :-).

Assuming from the context, that he is referring to a hunting dog, the dog is failing to serve it's purpose. It's similar to the more common phrase "That won't fly" . More literally, he might have said "That is not acceptable, sir".

For a translation, I would use a common phrase meaning "That won't do" or "I don't find that acceptable".

--Larry

In article ,

It's spelled "Monsignor"

As in "low-cut fatigues". The first two are misspelled, however (see my e-mail to you, Johannes)...

Oh, yeah! That was a rumor--that his baby picture was used as the baby on the label of Gerber baby foods.

Oh, yeah! The Chinese sent the U.S. a pair of pandas as a gift of friendship. There was some trouble getting them here, as I recall.

"Johannes Lempp" wrote in message news:[email]...

worth of Pixi Stix

Paper straws filled with colored sugar. It's a brand name so i'd just leave it as Pixi Stix

Monsignior It's French. Your closer to them then we are.

play you for chumps.

Chumps, Suckers: people who are easy to trick.

Deadly blunders low cut fatigues. Fatiuges are U.S. military speak for field uniforms. Your basic Camouflage shirt and pants uniform or the Army O.D. #48 green t-shirt and cammo pants.

Spot on again.

Gerber baby. Gerber is a baby food company. The painting of a baby they use in their logo is supposedly a very very young Humphrey Bogart.

I'm not watching the episode right now but I would guess either; Just a Second, Or Just A Minute.

hustle is the correct word.

you were correct again.

Again right but i think Jurgens has an accent mark somewhere. It's a name brand.

He's talking about a Panda. If you recall your world history Nixon ventured into china to hammer out the double standard for communist countries that the western world currently has. I don't know if that anticdote ever really happened but basically it would be: The US received a Panda from china but it died of choking on it's own vomit during shipment.

"Oh, right. I forgot about the battle."

You ofcourse know what it should have been but most likely this character said: "Holy Shoot". as opposed to Holy Shit which he should have said if US TV didn't shield their audience like a bunch of Puritan 5 year olds.

"You got the only winded up positron shooter"

Winded: To have been wound.

It was either "Yellow Bellied" or "Lilly Livered" either way its a hillbilly kinda way of saying coward.

"This isn't a war, it's a murder" Said sadly then said up beat in a Groucho Marx voice. Phoneticaly spelled it would be Moider.

"Damn bean eating war hero."

Kennedy was from Boston. People from Boston are bean eaters. It's a psudo derogative term.

"Hot Digity dafodil" A play on of the very old unusual phrase Hot Digity Dog. Where it came from I just don't know. It's that old.

"Yea, that whole reason"

As opposed to "That's using your head." The writers just wanted to get one more Ass into the show.

Steriotype Jamaicans talk that way.

Believe it or not, my English is much better than my French. :)

I'm afraid I forgot to point out a phrase I did't understand either: Nixon: "Now listen here, Bender. This war is in danger of going all quagmire [?] on me. So I'm sending you on one last mission."

Is this true? If it is, what does it mean when a war is in danger of going all quagmire on somebody?

Thanks for the help. Johannes

The American involvement in Vietnam was called a 'quagmire' at the time. Quagmire means muddy, sticky ground or swamp that traps anyone who walks into it -- much as Vietnam trapped American and other armed forces.

Bill

"Johannes Lempp" wrote in message news:[email]...

I think it may be a literary reference to something that I never read. But you can obviously tell from context that Fry is not happy with the idea of paying full price for gum.

It's I assume an adaptation of the British term "Pear Shaped" which means going bad. Quagmire is simply a nonsense futuristic word. At least to my knowledge it's nonsense.

In article ,

Uh, a quagmire is a huge soggy mud puddle in which large things can get stuck. I think it's just an invented turn of phrase in this instance.

"Janet F Caires-Lesgold" wrote in message news:9jd3r2$9ni$[email]...

it's

Yes we have all read Willie's post thank you. Oh and extra thanks for adding the "uh" so that I sound like an idiot instead of simply somebody who has never heard of the term.

In article , [email] (Janet F Caires-Lesgold) writes:

The war in Vietnam is, and was, frequently referred to as being a "quagmire" for the US Army and US foreign policy. Journalist David Halberstam's 1964 book about the origins of the conflict was titled "The Making Of A Quagmire." Nixon became President of the US in January of 1969, partly on grounds of having a "secret plan" to end the war. It raged on through his entire first term and into the 2nd. It was the defining issue of his Presidency, pre-Watergate. So he's naturally filled with trepidation at the possibility of this war going all "quagmire" on him...

A Quagmire is a muddy bog.

<snip>

... a hundred dollars worth of Pixy sticks and porno mags...

Pixy sticks = straws filled with sugar

<snip>

That dog won't hunt, Monseignor. = That idea won't work.

Monseignor = mocking (French) term for someone in authority

<snip>

fine mesh screen = large number of fine wires woven together

<snip>

in the American military, the ultimate Commander-in-Chief (CinC) is the President

<snip>

good hustle = good enthusiasm and effort

<snip>

Pert'n'Popular = brand of hand lotion

<snip>

Jergin's = another brand of hand lotion

<snip>

Holy Shoot = Holy shit (for American television)

<snip>

Yeah, that whole region.

<snip>

Bill

Johannes Lempp wrote in message news:...

Back in the seventies, when Bubble Yum first came on the market, an urban legend sprang up that it contained spider eggs, or was made from spiders webs.

Check out the urban legends page at:- http://www.snopes2.com/horrors/food/bubblyum.htm

So it's nice to see the 31st century sells Spider Yum.