Since I'm still waiting on some replies to my questions on the Family Guy forum I'm posting this off-topic here too in the hope that some of you Futurama fans like me also love Family Guy. BTW, anyone know when the anivcd forum will be online again?
Well, I've been working on subtitling some of my favourite Family Guy and Futurama episodes to watch em with some friends of mine who don't speak english well enough. Unfortunately it's sometimes really difficult to understand what people are saying and I also could not find a lot of transcripts of Family Guy eps on the net.
Thus it would be cool if anyone here could help me out by correcting my errors and giving the words I did not understand.
Words that I'm not sure about are enclosed in [?]question mark tags[?] and places where I missed some words are marked by a [...]. So if you don't wanna bother to read the whole thing over again you can search the text for these. As well you can simply quote those lines you corrected and delete the rest of the text so your answers don't get too long. Thanks a lot in advance!
Family Guy - Death Is A Bitch Transcript put together by [email] -- THIS TRANSCRIPT IS FOR EDUCATIONAL USE ONLY! --
I'm [?]Willy Safer[?] I'm Mike Wallace I'm [?]Bill Bradley[?] I'm Leslie Stall And one of you is hung like an [?]elf[?]!
Lois: I feel so naughty.
Peter: Lois, what are you doing? Neither of us is drunk.
Hey, knock it off!
Lois: Oh my God, I found a lump, a breast lump!Lois: The important thing is to stay calm, it's probably nothing,
honey!
Peter: That's easy for you to say, you gotta keep both your cans.
Lois: Peter, don't talk like that! You'll see a doctor tomorrow
and...
Peter: Oh, no, no, no, no, I'm not gonna see a doctor, Lois. The
healthiest thing we can do is ignore this and pretend it
doesn't exist... just like we do with the squid!
Lois: Ahem, Earthquake!
Peter: No, truck going by.Peter: I gotta be fine, I gotta be fine. Nothing to worry about. Guy: Morning!
Peter: Give it to me straight doc, how long do I have to live?
Doc: Mr. Griffin, I'd say, you have about a month to live.
Hey, what the hell do I know? I'v ebeen sued by every patient
I ever had. Look at the size of this file, this is... phew
wow!
Let's just wait for the test results.Lois: Finish up, honey, then I'll put you down for a nice nap.
Stewie: No, no I should put you down for a nap, mother. Blast!
Lois: I'm so worried about your father.
Chris: You mean cause he's a borderline alcoholic?
Lois: No, mommy's made peace with that.
Chris: Oh, cause he's got a lump on his boobies!
Lois: Chris, that's a terrible word, booby!
Meg: Mom, Debbie Miller's dad had a lump on his breast and he
turned out ok.
Lois: Really? Who is Debbie Miller?
Meg: A girl I just made up.Peter: Oh, look, here they are, my family. You know guys, I don't
say this often enough but... I'm gonna die!
Lois: Oh, my God!
Stewie: High Five! Anyone? Anyone?
Chris: You can't die! Who's gonna take me to the [?]father-son-
dance[?]
Peter: Listen up, I had a good life, and you can always be proud of
your father and all of his accomplishments.
Meg: What accomplisments?
Peter: Go to your room.
Lois: Peter, there's no way you could die! You're the most
important character in this family.Peter: I take this one but I won't pay a cent over 60 bucks. Salesp: Sir, this casket costs a thousand dollars. Peter: Ok, 70 bucks. Salesp: What? Peter: 2000 bucks. Salesp: That's twice what it costs. Peter: 40 bucks. Salesp: What? Brian: He... he doesn't know how to haggle.
Lois: Peter, what's going on?
Peter: I'm selling all my [...] goods so you have some cash when I'm
dead.
Ah, yeah, lot of memories here. Look, my first bike. Boy, I
had so much fun playing with that.
More tea, Mr. bike?
Lois: Peter, this is ridiculous, you're going to be fine.
Meg: Dad, the doctor called, your test results are in.Doc: This doesn't look very good. This doesn't look very good at
all.
Lois: Oh...
Doc: My nephew drew my portrait, it doesn't look a thing like me.
Look at the nose, it's all...
Lois: Will you just tell us about Peter's tests?
Doc: Ok, ok, Mr. Griffin all your test came back negative. As it
turns out the lump on your chest was just a fatty [...]
Peter: Fatty [...]? Wait a minute, how the hell can a dead comedian
from the silent movie era be launched to my left bosom?
Doc: Mr. Griffin, I'm saying, you're fine!
Peter: I'm fine? What are you coming on to me now?
Lois: Peter, he's not coming on to you. He's trying to tell you
that you're healthy.
Doc: Can it be both?Lois: Oh, my sweetie is ok.
Peter: Oh better than ok, Lois. From now on I gotta appreciate all
the little things in life, like you and the kids.
Woh, woh, woh, is this the price of my bill or my phone
number?
Clerk: Er, your phone number.
Peter: Oh... well, it's still pretty pricey.
Lois: Peter, who cares how much the bill is? you just had the most
important bill of all, a clean bill of of health.
Peter: Oh [?]geez[?], Lois. How long you been waiting to crack out
that [?]jam[?]?
Er, this sucks, Brian! Why should I have to pay this? I mean,
there's nothing wrong with me.
Brian: Yeah, it's a shame you're not dying.
Peter: Wait a second, that's it! They can't make a dead guy pay his
bill. All I gotta do is write 'deceased' right here where it
says 'name'. And where it says 'sex' I'll write "no thanks,
I'm dead!". Bulletproof!Stewie: But you promised the fat one would perish?! Lois: I know, isn't it wonderful, honey? Your father is alive and well and we can be a family for a good long...
Peter: Who, who are you?
Death: I'm Calista Flockhart! Who the hell do you think I am? I'm
DEATH!
Which one here is Peter Griffin?
Peter: Er... he is!
Death: Come on now, which one is Peter Griffin?
Peter: Er, this is Peter Griffin.
Death: Hehe! Hey, that's a good one. Hehehe..
Lois: Why are you...
Death: No wait, I'm not finished holding my [?]thighs[?]!
Lois: Why are you here? The doctor said, Peter was ok.
Death: Oh, the doctor. Well, I guess he must know, right?
I mean, he's a doctor and everything and I'm just
DEATH!
Stewie: Excuse me. Hello, I'm Stewie, big fan!
Peter: Look death, you made a mistake, I'm not really supposed to be
dead.
Death: I made a mistake, hu? Now what do you call this?
Lois: Peter, is that you handwriting?
Peter: Heheh, how did you get that?
Death: It was e-mailed to me by your [?]HMO[?].
Peter: Look, I know my doctor was [?]hitting[?] on me but you're
not to call him names.
Lois: I don't care what that says, you can't take my husband.
Stewie: Mother! [...] your manners! Don't argue with our guest. Won't
you join us for dinner, death?
Death: No, no, I don't wanna be a bother... is that turkey?
Lois: Yes, Death. We were in the middle of a turkey dinner to
celebrate Peter's good health.
Death: Oh, do you mind?
Stewie: Mind? Of course she wouldn't mind! It would be an honor, no
a privilege. Oh, [...] must be prattling on like a
schoolgirl. Come, come! You, [?]heat up[?] some gravy for
our guest. My last [...] of white [...] was drier than Oscar
Wild.
Meg: Uoh,how did you do that?
Death: Oh, well, let's just say, when I was younger I did some films
I'm not particularly proud of... well, that does it for me.
Let's go, Peter.
Lois: Wait, you can't go. After dinner we usually go into the
living room and live for another 40 or 50 years.
Death: 40.., heheh, let's go.Peter: I guess this is good-bye. Meg, you're the man of the family
now. Be strong.
Meg: Oh, daddy.
Peter: I guess, I'm not gonna be here to see you become a man.
Stewie: Yes, I think we all know wht that's going to be like.
A 20-minute call to Largemont? Who do we know in Largemont?
Wife: My sister in law.
Stewie: Oh yes, right, Carol. How is Carol?
Peter: Brian.
Brian: no [...]
Chris: Daddy, can I come with you?
Peter: Ask your mother.
Lois: No! You can't go with him! Oh, Peter!
Peter: Lois!
Death: O.k., o.k., that's good. Come on now.
Peter: Heya Death, you got a file on me?
Death: Yes, somewhere, it's in the car I think.
Peter: Does it mention that I ran two weeks at university [...]?
Death: Oh no, let's not do this. Hey, look, I can't blow [...],
you don't think I can't catch you?
Argh! My ankle! Yeah listen, don't help or anything, I'm
totally fine. Damn Irish!Death: Yeah, that felt good, drop me hard into the couch like that.
Lois: Here's a couple of [...].
Death: Oh great, [...]. Yeah, yes [...], it's good.
Meg: I've had a D+ in Health. Is there anything I can do?
Death: Yeah, why do you boil some water and rip off some sheets
there, Einstein? It's a sprained ankle, I just have to stay
[?]out[?] for a few days.
Peter: No wait, you can't stay here.
Death: Why not?
Peter: You tried to kill me! Besides, how are we supposed to explain
you to Mr. [?]Roper[?]?
Lois: Oh, it's o.k., Death. You just worry about feeling better.
Peter: Lois, what the hell are you doing?
Lois: Peter, don't you see it? As long as he is here, you can't
die!
Peter: Go on?!
Lois: That's it!
Peter: Wait a minute, so no matter what I do, I won't die?
Heya make yourself at home, Death, I'm um, I'm going out for
a little while.
Death: Hey wait! You can't tell anyone I'm here. For if humanity
discovers I'm not longer lurking in the shadows the
consequences would be [?]dire[?]!
Peter: Go on?!
Death: That's it! What the hell do you see in him?Lois: Peter, where a are you going?
Peter: Lois, ten minutes ago I was staring death in the face. But
now that I've been given another chance I'm gonna do the one
thing I've always [?]dreamed[?] of doing.Peter: I'm gonna jump of that building.
Cleve: Could you repeat that please, Peter. I believe I had
something crazy in my ear!
Quag: [...], hold the [...]. You took me away from a swedish [...]
girl and her paralyzed but [?]trusted[?] cousin for this?
Peter: 1000 bugs [?]as[?] I live.
Quag: 1000 [...], hey?
Cleve: What the hell.
Quag: O.k.
Peter: Hey, look at that, I beat my [?]looty[?]
Quag: Damn living guy.Lois: It's your turn death.
Death: Yeah, you know I should find this ironic but really, I'm just
bored as hell. Hey, how old is this TV? You can probably get
the [...] network in this thing.
Lois: You know, Peter is a good man and a wonderful father.
Death: Here it comes.
Lois: Could.. could you please find it in your heart to spare him?
After all it isn't really his time.
Death: What you made this [...] of? Crap?
Lois: If you want me to make it again...
Death: Sorry Lois, it's my fault. I used to [...] you're gonna make
it with milk, not crap!
Lois: I'll be right back.
Meg: I brought you something to read.
Death: Oh glamour, great! I could earn how to please my man. Go get
me an Entertainment Weekly. I hear it's got a great picture
of me sneaking up on Tom Snyder.Stewie: Victory is mine!
Lois: Wow, I should really watch where I'm going.
Stewie: What the [?]duce[?]? Of course! It seems with death
incapacitated my [...] efforts are futile. I must do all I
can to accelerate his convalescence. Nick nack [...].Cleve: I can't believe you drank 300 bottles of beer without
succumbing to alcohol poisoning. Peter, are you a witch?
Peter: Yeah, but don't tell anyone, the consequences could be
[?]dire[?]. Hey you guys, I bet I can go up to each of those
scary looking bikers and say: "Hey, aren't you Richard
Simmons?".
Quag: Peter, no!
Cleve: Peter, now you're just being brainless.
Peter: Hey, aren't you Richard Simmons?
Biker1: Hey!
Peter: Hey, aren't you Richard Simmons' best friend: Richard
Simmons?
Biker1: Shut up!
Cleve: Hey!Death: Ah, that feels good. You know actually kid, I just kinda fell
into this [?]gig[?]? You know, I really wanted to be a
[...]. But [...]. "I have no son, I have no son".
And mom, mom just stood there.
Stewie: Yes, mothers can be quite the botheration, can't they? That's
why we got to get you well.
Death: What was that?
Stewie: Nothing!
Lois: Stewie, leave Death alone.
Death: He's okay. [?]You know[?] he reminds me a lot of me at that
age. I just hope his teen year go better than mine. Boy, talk
about awkward.Death: Oh Sandy, Oh Sandy, Oh... Sandy? Oh, not again, I'm gonna be a virgin forever. Or am I...
Lois: Can we please talk about Peter? He has so much to live for,
Death. He loves his children, me...
Death: Ok, ok. I'll spare his wife. But, uh, you owe me if you get
my drift. Wgat the hell are you doing? Was talking bout
another fruit [?]cup[?]! Not bad though.
Lois: Peter, Death just agreed to let you live!
Peter: Oh man, this really is my night. I gotta live and I'm on TV.Tom: Our top news story tonight: the rules of Death no longer
apply?
Diane: That's right, Tom. Our [?]own[?] asian reporter Tricia
Takanawa filed this report... all by herself!Tricia: I'm here with Peter griffin, the man who claims he withstood
a barrage of bullets and did not die. Peter, are saying that
if I shoot you in the head with this Channel 5-pistol you'll
be completely unharmed?
Peter: Why don't you uhm, give it a shot?
Tricia: Ok, here it goes!
Peter: Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!
Tricia: Ah, what have I done? Oho, you're awful!Tom: Our top news story tonight: the rules of Death no longer
apply?
Diane: Fascinating story, Tom.
Tom: It sure is, Diane. And since the laws of death no longer
apply I can do this.
Diane: That's right, Tom.
Tom: Haha, and now it's time for sports.Death: Great, the whole world is laughing at me. This is highschool
all over again, well I'll show them. I'll show all of them!
Oh my God, that hurts!
Lois: Oh no, you're not killing anyone tonight, Mr. Not on that
ankle.
Death: This is all your fault, there's only one solution: you have
to go out there and do my job. You have to be... DEATH!Peter: Why this uhm, doesn't leave much to the imagination, does it?
Lois: Death, there is no way Peter can do your job, he could never
kill anyone.
Peter: Yeah, I mean, you know I thought about it, you know like in
church and stuff but I don't think I could ever do what you
do?
Death: Why, you think you're better than me? I'm tired of always
being the bad guy. What I do has to be done!
Brian: He's right, Peter, you disturbed the natural order of things.
People need to be able to die.Rose: Noo!
Jack: You know, actually I think I'm gonna be ok.
Rose: Oh Jack, now we can get married and everything you promised.
Jack: Yeah, about that... Uhm, I was pretty sure I was gonna die.
Uh, cause acually there's this girl in New York and it's
getting kinda serious. But thanks for let me draw you naked.
I still can't believe you let me do that.Peter: So, waht, you [...] the only way to make the world right is
for me to kill someone?
Stewie: I know, why don't you kill Lois?
Death: No, one death isn't gonna do it. We gonna have to do
something that will get everyone's attention. Something huge!
Chris: How about if you blow up the earth?
Death: Too huge. But you're thinking, I like that.
Meg: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death: Well, that would just leave England. Wait, wait I have it.
Ha, ha, ha, I'm a genius. You kill the kids from Dawson's
Creek.
Peter: I knew it, I knew it, as soon as that show came on the air
I said: I'm gonna be the one who has to kill these kids.
Lois: It's true, he did say this.
Death: A bunch of high, young celebrities is perfect, haha. The kids
are on their way to LA to renegotiate their contract. But,
ha ha ha, but their plane is gonna be making a little stop
over in Rhode Island. If you go right now you can catch the
flight.
Peter: Forget it Death, I'm not gonna do your dirty work. There's no
way I'm getting on that plane. Absolutely no way and that's
final. See, I'm still here and there's nothing you can say
that'll change my mind.
Death: Either you kill them or I'll kill you.Peter: Oh crap! Hey, nice plant. [?]Not to self[?]: do not go to the bathroom!
Fan: Look James, your last movie was killer at the box office,
your Q-Rating is through the roof, it's time we ditch the WB
and concentrate on features.
James: Sir, I don't know who you are but just because you are
sitting across from me doesn't mean you can give me career
advice.
Fan: Oh, [?]you'd[?] sign my ass?
James: You have a pen?Peter: Hello, hello Death, guess where I am calling from, a plane! Death: Yeah, that's good. Listen, those kids on board? Peter: Yeah, uhm, about that. I don't think I can go through it. Death: Peter listen, without Death the world would be a terrible place. Imagine a world where Hitler was still alive.
Hitler: Today on Hitler we've been talking with Hollywood [...] Christian slater.
Hitler: Now, they tell me in your next movie we get to see your but! Slater: Yes, yes you do. Hitler: Can, can we see it right now? Slater: Well uhm, alright Hitler. Hitler: Oh, oh, he's going to do it.
Hitler: If you're going to be in the Los Angeles Area und would like
tickets to Hitler just call 213-DU WERDEST EINE KRANKEN-
SCHWESTER BRAUCHEN! [actually you gotta say 'wirst' instead of 'werdest', even a
lot of germans don't know how to form the imperative
correctly. It means: 'you gonna need a nurse!]Death: All you gotta do is sit there. The plane is gonna crash in LA
pilot error, big mess, everybody dies.
Peter: [?]sheesh[?] everybody?
Death: Except you! Hold on, I'm getting another call. Brenda?
Peter: Still me!
Death: Oh, Brenda?
Peter: Yes? Hehehe, just kidding, it's still me!
Pilot: We now begin our final approach into LA International. If you
look out the window to your right you'll see the San Fernando
Valley where my brother Gary makes a very nice living
directing porn. We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes.Peter: Oh [?]geez[?] Girls: We like being alive. Peter: I guess it's their time...
Casey: [...] for a teacher. You sure make love good. Teach: Actually it's 'well', Casey. You mean to say 'I make love well'. You're good to go again, right? Casey: Hum? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Death: Peter, hello Peter. Peter are you there? I can hear you
breathing.
Peter: Yeah, I'm here and you can forget it. I cahnged my mind. I
don't care if you do kill me, I'm not gonna kill those kids.
If they die I'll have nothing to watch on Wednesdays...
other than the fine programs on Fox!Peter: Hey, open up in there!
Pilot: Hey, what are you doing? You're not a pilot, I know every
pilot in the world.
Peter: I'm here to keep you from making an error, a pilot error.
[?]Geez[?] I [?]prolly[?] should have worn mittens.James: Nice going, fat!
Peter: Hey, hey, I was just trying to save your lives. But now
you're all gonna die. There's noone who can land this plane.
Karen: I can!
Peter: Huh, thank God, it's Karen Black!
She landed a busted plane in 'Airport 75'?!
Was a movie in the 70's.
Ah, you damn kids with your music!Tom: All of the pilots were killed but fortunately for the other
passengers actress Karen Black, star of such films as
'Nashville' and 'Five easy pieces', was on board.
Diane: Our heads are [?]up[?] to Ms. Black for proving ones again
that given the opportunity actresses over 50 can land large
aircraft.
Tom: Karen Black, what an obscure reference.Death: Hey what the hell, I told you to waste those kids from
Dawson's Creek.
Lois: You're missing the most important thing here. You said you
wanted everyone to know the rules of Death apply and now the
whole world does.
Death: Yeah, I guess so. Even my ankle is starting to feel better. I
should probably get out of here now.
Stewie: No but you just got here. We can stay in touch, can't we? Oh,
what's your e-mail? Mine is 'LoisMustDie' - all one word -
'@Yahoo.com'.
Peter: Wait a second, Death. I used to fear you but now I'm glad we
met cause you've given me a great gift... the complete
'Bozz Scaggs', how did you know?
Death: I just had a feeling.
Lois: We're gonna miss you, Death.
Death: Hey, don't worry. I'll be back, really really soon. Haha!
Is he joking? OK, see you later.--------------------------------- (C) 07/01 by [email]
-< Moon >-