% Things haven't changed much in the past minute, except that the % Titanic is now closer than ever to the black hole, and on the brink of % being sucked in. In the Captain's quarters ...
Zapp: [to Kif] Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the
start! Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with
his ship.
Kif: Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir.
Zapp: No. It's noble of _you_, Kif! As of now, you're in command.
Congratulations, Captain.% Zapp removes his badge and slaps it onto Kif's uniform. He leaves and % slams the door behind him, and, as Kif stares helplessly at the floor, % we see Zapp scoot away past the windshield in his own personal escape % pod. In the passengers' quarters, panic is ensuing. Alarms buzz, % people and robots scatter in all directions, and the Planet Express % crew is by one wall reading the Titanic Directory. Leela takes % charge. "Okay, we just have to get from _here_ to the escape pods." % But after another violent shake of the room, a crack forms down the % center of the sign (on which the directory is printed), and the entire % right portion of the sign, including the area on the ship with escape % pods, is torn off. Touche.
Farnsworth: I'm too young to die!
Leela: Come on, before it's too late!
[they run off]
Bender: You all go without me. I'm gonna take one last look
around. You know, for ... uh ... stuff to steal!
Fry: [softly] You're going back for the Countess, aren't you?
Bender: Alright, I am, but I don't want the others to know. If I
don't come back, just say I died robbing some old man.
Fry: I'll tell 'em you went out prying the wedding ring off his
cold, dead finger.
Bender: [teary] I love you, buddy!% Fry catches up with the others, leaving Bender behind. Bender rushes % off and finds himself inside the flaming ruins of the ship's casino, % yelling for the Countess. A reply comes from within a hole in the % ground, and Bender spots her crouched into a corner in the room % beneath them, surrounded by flames.
Countess: I fell through the deck!
Bender: Are you hurt, my sweet?
Countess: No. Luckily a family broke my fall.
Bender: Just hang on. _I'll_ take care of that fire!% He grabs the end of hose from the far wall, runs back, leaps into the % pit and extinguishes all the fire in the room with it. He then drops % the running hose to the floor and walks over to help her up.
Countess: Bender ... you risked your life to save me!
Bender: And I've do it again. And perhaps a third time. ... but
that would be it.
[they kiss, and then Bender speaks his feelings]
Bender: When we kiss, I feel like I'm standing waist-deep in a pool
of cold, rising water.% That's probably because he left the hose running this whole time. The % room is now nearly flooded, and the two scream for help. Rejoining % the rest of the crew, we see them scrambling through a set of dank % hallways with the "PANIC!" alarms still screaming. Leela tells them % the escape pods should be just ahead, but then an sign lights up % announcing an Emergency Airlock, and a steel door lowers, about to % seal off the hall directly in front of them. Dr. Zoidberg is able to % cut it off at the last second by wedging his claw under it. Leela % tries to lift it.
Leela: It won't move. And the door release is on the other side!
Fry: Then we're dead meat. _No one_ can squeeze under there.
Hermes: No one ... except a legendary limbo champion!
[he rips off his suit, revealing his old limbo uniform]
LaBarabara: [delighted] Oh, Hermes!
[Hermes bends back, but his spine cracks]
Hermes: Oof, it's been a while.
[his knees slam against the bottom of the door]
Hermes: This one's for that little kid who's limboin' up in heaven
right now!% LaBarbara finds a discarded food-cart in the hallway and starts a % rhumba-beat in an overturned silver platter. Hermes is able to % contort his body, squatting his knees outward and squeezing his % stomach inward, until he's finally all the way through. (The crew % cheers.) He doesn't stop there, though ... he takes the oppurtunity % to do a few tricks, sliding back and forth under the door.
Hermes: I still got the moves! Zoidberg, lower the door another
inch.
LaBarbara: Just go on through and hit the release, ya hot dog.
Hermes: Yes, dear.% A moment later, the door slides up again, and the crew rush on % through. We don't abandon our view of the empty corridor just yet, % though ... because Hermes' exhasperated voice soon comes from on the % floor: "Uh ... can somebody help me up?" Over in the casino, Bender % and the Countess are now screaming, up to their heads in water, and % finally become immersed in it. They stand on the floor of the flooded % room, unaffected.
Countess: Well, now what do we do? Bender: Wait a second, aren't you a member of the yacht club? Countess: By God, you're right! I'm a Class Three yacht!
% A propellor juts out of the lady's rear end. Bender climbs onto her % back, and the propellor kicks into gear, sending them spiraling up % towards the ceiling. The ship is now almost completely torn in half, % and the escape pod area is a mess. The crew reserve themselves a pod % and wait outside it. The Professor is relieved that there is no % shortage of them, and that they don't have to dress up like women and % children. (He removes a colorful beanie hat and a big lollipop from % his outfit.)
Leela: We can't leave yet. We've got to wait for Bender. The high
gravity must be slowing down his looting.
[Amy's parents rush in]
Inez: [yells] Amy!
Amy: Mom, Dad! You're alive!
Leo: Yeah, but so what? The important thing is we found you a new
man.
Inez: A captain.% Amy begins to tell them that she isn't interested, but then Kif walks % into the scene at her mother's request. Amy says "hi" to Kif, % pleased, and they hit it off instantly. Kif picks her up in his arms, % and they kiss as he carries her into the escape pod with the rest of % the crew. By this time, two-thirds of the Titanic have been % completely torn off and sucked into the black hole. Everyone in the % escape pod experiences a twisting, psychedellic sensation that makes % them and the walls seem to leak and wrap around each other. Fry and % Leela are still on the deck, when Fry points to the sky.
Fry: Look, it's our nebula! Whenever I see it, I'll think back to
that moment when we almost ...
[the nebula is eaten by the black hole]
Fry: ... whoop, never mind.
Hermes: Everyone else is off the ship. Where in Babylon is Bender?
Leela: I don't know. But we can't wait any longer!% Fry, Hermes, LaBarbara, Professor Farnsworth, Dr. Zoidberg, Leela, % Kif, Amy, Leo and Inez are now all safely inside the only remaining % pod. Fry looks out at the empty ship deck one more time, sadly says % "Goodbye" to Bender, wherever he is, and seals the door shut. The pod % floats off into space just as Bender and the Countess scramble into % the room. Bender yells at them to wait, but the circular hatch closes % a second too soon. Not hesitating, he leaps, crashes through the % glass, and clamps his free hand onto the outer rim of their pod. % (With his other hand, he pulls the Countess with him.) The pod % shakes, and Leela examines the controls.
Leela: Something's wrong. We're two metric tons overweight.
Amy: Well, it's not _me_.
Fry: Look!% Through the small window in the pod's front door, we can see Bender, % followed by the Countess, holding on for dear life. Outside, Bender's % grip on her hand loosens and they are now hanging on to opposite ends % of her fragile diamond bracelet. The pod starts to pull backwards % from her weight ... behind them the remaining pieces of the Titanic % fall away.
Countess: I'm slipping, Bender! The pull is too strong!
Bender: I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go.
Countess: No! You have too much to live for. It may hurt for a
while, but one day you'll share your love again. After all,
it's _shareware_.
Bender: Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy
ending.% The bracelet breaks. She falls into the depths of the black hole, % yelling "Fareweeeeeeell!" and finally implodes. The escape pod moves % forward once again, and Bender sobs a big, mournful, disappointed % "noooooo!" With the remaining half of her bracelet in his hand, he % makes his way inside the escape pod and rests his head against the % door to cry.
Bender: She's gone.
Leela: But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light
enough to get away.
[silence]
Fry: Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a
black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another
dimension somewhere. Right, Professor?
Farnsworth: Oh, yes, absolutely! [whispers to Zoidberg] Not a
chance.
[he makes some cut-throat and choking motions]
Bender: [still crying] At least I'll always have her bracelet.
[he shows the diamond to Hermes]
Bender: What do you think it's worth?% Hermes looks at it for a fraction of a second and tells Bender "It's % fake, mon." As the escape pod cuts away into the depths of space, % Bender lets out a fresh outpour of tears, to the closing music ...
% End of Act Four (6:26)
======================================================================== = Contributers =
{ak} Adam King {jc} Jacob Churosh
{da} David Antonoff {jk} Joe Klemm
{ddg} Don Del Grande {mg} Maureen Goldman
{dj3} Doug Jacobson {ms3} Mike Smith
{ds} Dave Sweatt {sam} Steven Aaron Monroe
{gg} Gerry Garrelts {trl} Team Rocket Leela
{hl} Haynes Lee {woh} Will O'Hargan
{jb} Jason Barrera {zz} Zachary Zulkowski======================================================================== Futurama and its characters belong to the == First posted : 10-Oct-1999 Fox lawyers ... icebergs of the internet. == Revision A : 10-Oct-1999 This capsule was christened by Jordan "my == E-mail me: hard drive will go on and on" Eisenberg. ==============================