Subject: Lee Green (2/5/00) From: Funny1 & filly [email] Date: 2/6/00 2:54 AM Mountain Standard Time Message-id:
I don't know how to begin this post, so I just will. Things are not going well at all for Lee. He has still not *awakened* yet, as he should have a few weeks ago. Apparently the antibiotics and the tumor have destroyed whatever was left. He is now just going through reflexes of movement of his arm and leg. We had to give him adavan just to get him to sleep tonight. Today was a living hell again. It began with him throwing PVC's all day (a possible indication of a heart attack) and then his breathing began to have problems as well. He began to have apnea for 20-30 seconds at a time and they decided to put Lee back on the ventilator. He had just made it to *room air* and totally off the oxygen today. They DR said that his blood gas levels were ok, but he was a little nervous and felt it best to leave Lee on all day and over night. Tomorrow we are going to see if he is still having the problem. We thought it might be due to a morphine inj. that he received earlier today. The nurse felt he might be in pain and gave him morphine. From there it just seemed to go downhill. The heart thing had been there before the morphine, but the breathing pattern wasn't. The pulmonary dr said that it was probably due to the tumor as well. We are not sure how much it has grown or where exactly it has spread into yet, nor will we ever. It doubles on a daily rate so I am sure that a lot of it is back. The family, Dr.'s and social worker are meeting along with a hospice on monday to discuss what our next step is. If Lee is worse tomorrow, I think we will opt for just pulling the drain, skipping the shunt and bringing him home where he can be more comfortable. Chemo and radiation are out of the question as they don't shrink the tumor but only slow down the growth, which seems to already have done its damage and yet to come.... I can't tell you how much this breaks my heart, but it breaks even more when I see him so agitated. He pushes me away and kicks. He is just so much like a little baby except he is a hell of a lot stronger than one! I am pretty sure though, that the *Lee* that you and I all knew isn't coming back. I keep hoping for a miracle and won't give up until the day he passes away. I just want that to be with me in our house with his cat on the bed and me in his arms where he will be comfortable. I only hope he can hold out that long... I guess that there are several things I need to say to you guys... Thanks for all the support you have given me...it has carried me through this eternity of hell ... I am blessed to have ever been so deeply in love and had it returned 20 fold, even though it was cut so short..... I am blessed to know that Lee isn't in any pain as many cancer patients are and that he will probably go peacefully. I am blessed that the tumor is where it is, in that it appears that his breathing will be what will go first and I won't have to suffer through this any more.... I am blessed to have so many supportive friends and family, both his, mine and ASC.... I thank God every day for all my wonderful memories and the life we had together. Lee has had a shitty life for the most part and I am glad that I could make his last few years worth it and that he finally found the love of his life. I am just sorry I couldn't have found him sooner and given him what he deserved. After all, he waited for me for almost 50 years. I also want to thank Gellman and Kent for visiting me during the morning hours, the most difficult time of day for me and most heart wrenching.... Thanks to all for the mickey cover. Sorry if I don't seem appreciative now, but I will later after all this is over.... Thanks for having faith in us and also for making Lee so happy. He loved posting to you and ATF. He got such joy out of those two newsgroups, I cannot describe it. I can't go on .....
Love Jen
Lee Green aka Funny1 (Well not ALWAYS!)
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