The One Where Rosita Dies - Today's tasks: kill self "It is unreasonable for a child to wait for a lightbulb to cook brownies!"
Synopsis:
Rachel breaks Joey's favorite chair. While Rachel and Joey are out replacing it, Chandler mistakenly thinking he has broken the chair replaces it with his twin version. Joey is thrilled at the chair "miracle" until he begins to become jealous of Rachel's new super chair. Joey then breaks Chandler's chair so he can have Rachel's. Unfortunately, Chandler tells Rachel about the switch. Chandler thinks the super chair should be his, but Joey and Rachel threaten him with bodily harm and he wisely retreats.
Monica and Ross' parents are selling their house. All of Monica's childhood mementoes turn out to have been destroyed when their father used them to keep flood water off his Porsche. As penance, dad gives Monica the Porsche. Ross is not pleased.
Phoebe gets a job as a telemarketer. She talks to a suicidal guy. Nothing happens. Millions shrug in confusion.
My thoughts:
Welcome to The Battle of the Network Stars. The Beatles vs the Rolling Stones. Where is Howard Cosell? Million Dollar Talent on display everywhere! Did Frazier vs Ali get this much pub? "Oh no Honey, we're going to have to learn to use the VCR." Writers vs. reality. Stars vs. annoying people off the street. Suicidal NBC execs nervously remembering how they lost the Cosby Show vs Mark Burnett fast becoming the most self satisfied egomaniac the world has seen since David Lee Roth lost his hair. A forty minute sitcom? How does that work? What happens to these show when they get syndicated? Are they really going to be forty minute shows or are we going to have to deal with ten minutes of independent goofiness such as that last seen when Robin Williams and Billy Crystal wasted our time and patience trying to promote Father's Day. You remember that interminable few minutes where the two aging comics sat around and pretended to be as weird as the everyday nightmare that is Roberto Benigni. In the end of course, everybody watching the sit-com is likely be switching channels at 8:41 to watch the great unscrubbed toss another poor slob off the island/continent/outback and onto the CBS early morning news. Saturday Night Live skits? Yeah, right.
Just so your not confused. I see two main differences between the big shows.
1) On Survivor the winner gets a million dollars. On Friends everybody but Gunther gets a million dollars a episode now that the network needs that extra ten minutes. 2) On Friends you just hear about the fat ugly naked guy. On Survivor, you see nothing but the fat ugly naked guy and then he gets a million dollars and a book deal.
Let's say you are like me and you only have one television set. "Isn't there anyway we could have both?", you ask. Three guys, three girls as castaways minus all that hair Tom Hanks grew. Suddenly I perked up and realized that I could truly have it all. So I switched over to Nick at Night and watched the episode where the Japanese guy captured everybody but Gilligan, who shrewdly uses the guy's submarine to free everyone from the grenade lined bamboo prison. Admit it, you loved that episode.
Here is how I think our six favorite people would perform on Survivor.
Monica: She would take charge. She would clean the Island. She would cook. She would fish. She would get kicked off first because she'd drive everyone crazy. Chandler: Helpless. He couldn't even urinate on Monica that time she got bit by the jellyfish. After three minutes he would be crying for his parents and a cigarette. Joey: Remember how Ringo left India and the promise of eternal awareness because he didn't like the food? No sandwiches, no Baywatch, no beer unless you win the kayak contest? Joey is so out of there, but he takes one of those cute Koalas with him to hang with the duck and the chick. Ross: Scientist Ross? Right, Ross will spend six days building some massive shelter, which will collapse thirty seconds after he first tries to use it. Rachel: Luxury item - hair spray. Phoebe: Reminds everybody why that old bat with the ukelele got tossed off the island so fast.
Thoughts on the first forty minute epsiode.
Who had any doubt that Joey had named his television and lazy boy?
Who had any doubt that Phoebe had once done some phone sex work?
Who had any doubt Ross had a doll?
In real life training takes three weeks and you get fired in two. On television, training takes five minutes or so.
Telemarketers around the world are desperately hurrying to add a section to their manuals on how to sell to a suicidal customer.
Wouldn't you think Phoebe would have a philosophical problem with being a telemarketer. I know I do.
That's not a character that was really Jason Alexander remembering when he had a paycheck coming in. Jerry has a football stadium full of cars. Jason was in Love! Velour! Compassion! and Dunston Checks In.
Jason should be thrilled Phoebe used to get 4.99 a minute for this.
"She's healed" - saw it coming but it was still funny. If Phoebe had been there, she would probably have theorized a reincarnation or at least a fairy princess.
It's official. I hope Ross and Phoebe start getting attracted to each other because Joey and Rachel are perfect together. She's almost more Joey than Joey at times.
With this being a huge show for NBC you think that with Phoebe selling toner they could have worked in an appearance by Rob Schneider as the copy guy.
The only suicidal guy I've ever heard of who had a chick was Kurt Cobain, but then again she was sort of nuts and there was heroin involved.
If I was married to Monica I would be continuously in terror at what you know has to be the biggest temper television has seen since Jackie Gleason died.
Friends has continuously had a good time with cigarettes had Ross' old T-shirts - "Frankie say Relax"
Now that we like Rachel and Joey together so much maybe Phoebe could date Jason Alexander for a while. Hell, even Gilligan's Island or Mr. Ed could use a George Costanza around to spice things up. After all Ed had a television in the barn and I'm sure that if he could get along with Clint Eastwood and Leo Durocher that he could buddy up to George for a while. I bet George would point out the fact that Gilligan for some reason does all the work and that they could easily overpower the Howell's and take most of their money.
Wait until Joey finds out he has access to a Porsche again!
Am I missing something or did the Phoebe and George Costanza plot never end. They had ten extra minutes and they leave me and a suicidal guy hanging. Is he back next week? Is he dead? Did he take Phoebe with him? I'm either really enticed or really ticked off. Most of all I really want to hang with Joey and Rachel. I'll buy them another chair. We'll call her Josie!