[Exterior shot of a large assembly hall. Searchlights on top of the building cut through the sky, waving from left to right, crossing and separating again. Overhead, a helicopter is flying.]
[Mix to aerial shot from the helicopter. A huge crowd is gathered outside the building, watching the proceedings on a large video wall.]
Commentator: [voice-over] Well, the anticipation is mounting now. Tonight is the night of the annual alt.tv.friends Awards ceremony. This year's ceremony has been delayed quite seriously, but finally all the scripts are written, most of the guests are here, and we're ready to begin.]
[Interior shot. It's a large theatre, a lot like the Royal Albert Hall. The audience is absolutely packed. A few prominent figures are noticeable in amongst the mass of lurkers, departed posters, and the occasional passing troll being thrown out by security.]
[Pan to: The audience, who have been waiting for three hours, as the show has been an hour late starting. They gradually hush down as the stage lights dim. The orchestra start up a lively version of 'I'll Be There For You'... before the sound person stomps in and they stop.]
Sound Person: [barely audible] No, no, NO!!! [everyone comes to a complete standstill] You are working completely against the sound dynamics I set up especially! I cannot *work* under these conditions!
[Mr. Sound Person stomps off, and the orchestra start up again. After finishing 'I'll Be There For You' (finally), the audience applauds.]
Announcer: [voice-over] Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the alt.tv.friends Awards, with your hostess, Ms. Tina Nellis!
[The audience applauds very loudly and happily, as the curtain raises to reveal a mock-up of the Central Perk set, with Tina, in a very, *very* expensive Gucci dress (not anything with slits down the front - *please*, I have *some* taste), sitting on the sofa. She gets up, curtseys modestly, and makes her way over to the podium.]
Tina: Helloooooooooo! I'm going to be your host this evening, at this, the ATF Awards for the year 1999... being hosted in the year 2000, I know, but go with it. <Phoebe> Wow, we're actually there - if nothing else, that's just a *really* cool number change... </Phoebe>
[Tina notices everyone, including the audience, technical crew, orchestra and Raven staring at her]
Tina: Oh! Okay, anyway, on with the show! First off, I'd like to introduce my co-host, the official welcomer of ATF (well, at least he *was*), Raven!
[Raven walks down onto the stage from the sidelines, and joins Tina. He turns to smile benevolently at the crowd. Several members of the audience shudder.]
Raven: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, mutants and monsters. It gives me great pleasure to be here tonight, to assist with such an important ceremony. It's been a while since I've posted to the group regularly. In fact, you might even say I'm on a break.
[pause for laughter]
[no one laughs]
[Raven looks at Tina]
Raven: ...I'll shut up now.
Tina: Second of all, I would just like to say something: We're not mean people, we're not going to be going immediately to those nominees who have lost immediately after the winner is announced, so no need to prepare your 'I'm happy even though I lost!' faces - you don't even have to smile as the winner walks past. We will, however, expect small thank-you speeches from the winners, as with past years.
Raven: I think now would be a good time to get on with the awards.
Tina: [quietly] I'm *getting* there! [aloud] The first award is that of Best Newcomer. This is given to someone who has joined the group over the past year, who has got that little something extra which has gotten them noticed and made the place better, in its own little way. [quietly] But let's just ignore the fact that most of the past 'Best Newcomer' awards have ended up on 'Where Are They Now?' specials - oh no wait, that's the Grammys, isn't it? [aloud] The nominees for this award are:
Alyssa (Joya Preciosa) Ashley (EvilJungleCow) Shaz (The One With Shaz)
[Applause ensues, as the envelope containing the winner is handed to Raven by a man looking suspiciously like the sound guy from earlier. Raven opens the envelope, and reads.]
Raven: And the winner is... Alyssa!
[Alyssa comes up to collect her award. Conveniently, as this is going on the TV company decide that this is the perfect time to take a break, and cut to the adverts just as Alyssa is about to make her speech.]
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[Alyssa, speech please!]
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