[After a while, the lights come up again, to reveal Raven finishing off a beer. Startled to see the crowd, he drops the bottle.]
[Raven again turns to face the audience, smiling sweetly. Somewhere, a baby begins to cry, and refuses to be quiet no matter how loudly his mother tries to shush him.]
Raven: Well, I hope you're enjoying the show so far, my friends. Now we approach an award very close to my heart, and it gives me great pleasure to present it. [short pause as Raven clears his throat] There are those people on ATF who approve of spoilers; indeed, some would say people hungry for them. Then there are those who don't appreciate spoilers, who would prefer not to have the secrets of the episodes revealed. I, of course, fall into this latter category. My reasons for not wishing to be spoiled are legion...
[a small man darts out from backstage, and tugs on Raven's sleeve, whispering furiously into his ear. A few words are picked up by the microphones: "contract" ... "no ranting" ... "explicitly stated" ... "do you WANT to get paid?" Raven turns very white for a moment, and then looks back to the crowd. The small man runs off again, as quickly as he arrived, leaving an envelope on the podium, which Raven opens.]
Raven: So, without further ado, then, I present the award for Person Who Most Wants To Be Spoiled! The nominees are:
Tina Nellis Shaz (The One With Shaz) Shnocody
Raven: And the winner? Who else, but our very own... Tina!
[the crowd goes wild, all except for the other nominees]
* * *
[Speech please, Tina!]
* * *
[having accepted her award, Tina adds it to her growing collection and turns to the crowd]
Tina: Some posters are insightful. Some are well-read. Some are even intelligent.
Raven: Apparently.
[Tina hits Raven, who falls over and doesn't get back up]
Tina: He's just jealous. As I was saying, there are some who could win an argument with Leonardo Da Vinci. But we've already honoured the greats in those fields. Now we want to look at another group of posters - those who just make us laugh. Whether it's with an offbeat sense of humour, terrible puns, or just plain *strange* posts, this is the award for Funniest Poster. The nominees are:
Lee Green (Funny1) William Pora Jonathan Roberts
[Tina opens the envelope as the crowd goes crazy]
Tina: And the winner is... Lee Green!
[By now, at least some of the audience members *must* have actually physically exploded.]
Tina: One of the few things Raven's done right tonight was to say a few words about Lee. I'd just like to echo that, and give both Lee and Jenny our best wishes.
[Raven gets back up]
Raven: Now we've had a few characters on the group lately, and not all of them have been as polite as, say, me.
Tina: What are you talking about? You're one of the rudest people I've ever met!
Raven: Shut up, woman!
Tina: See?
Raven: Ah.
Tina: More than one person has said something on the group that could perhaps have been worded better, and we'd like to honour them with one of our booby prize awards.
Raven: The nominees for Most Tactless Poster are:
Ashley (EvilJungleCow) Betty Buffay Michael Curtis (MNL) Lee Green (Funny1) Helena
[Raven opens the envelope]
Raven: You know... [giggles] I hate to be doing this to someone who used to write for the very show we're here to honour... but somehow I can't resist. The winner is MNL!
[Raven reaches out and pulls a little gold lever that no one had noticed before]
[MNL looks up]
[hideous green goo falls from the ceiling, drenching the hapless MNL]
[the crowd applauds]
Raven: Thank you very much.
* * *
[Are we getting a speech, please, Mr Curtis?]
* * *
[cut to adverts]
[a pause while MNL cleans the goo off]