The year is gone, the night is upon us and the stars are out for the alt.tv.friends awards 2000! From the extravagant splendour of the shed at the bottom of the garden comes the award ceremony to end all award ceremonies (at least on this group this year, terms and conditions apply)!
[Spotlights twirl around the confines of the shed as everybody tries to take their seats however the foldout deckchairs are in high demand and a brawl soon breaks out. The spotlights centre on the stage made from a collection of wooden boards supported by plant pots. The backdrop of the stage is provided by a mishmash of old curtains and sheets that normally serve to protect furniture during decorating. As the spotlights centre on the stage and the din from the lawnmower dies down the crowd wait in quiet expectation. Those members of the audience who lost the scuffle for the deckchairs are making do with the white plastic lawn patio furniture. Zoep who arrived late has to make do with a bag of peat.]
Big-Booming-Voice:> Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, lawn ornaments and spiders we are pleased to announce this years alt.tv.friends awards. Here to run the show a special someone from the past, they might have been gone for a very long time but they certainly haven't been forgotten, please give it up for your host!
[Crowd burst into wild applause, all eyes are drawn to the centre of the stage but nothing happens.]
BBV:> Please give it up for your host!
[Crowd applaud again though this time not as loud, still nothing emerges.]
BBV:> Your host?
[A general murmuring and rustling of paper comes from the audience.]
BBV (becoming less big and certainly not booming):> What do you mean? . . .Hey! Get off me! St-. . .
[Their seems to be a scuffle going on behind the curtains. CC suddenly appears in the middle of the stage though from his movements and looks it probably wasn't under his own power. CC apprehensively moves towards the podium (a microphone on top of a workbench).]
CC (Meekly):> Hi, feeling well? Ahem . .okay. . look the person that's supposed to be here doing this isn't. Your host decided at the last moment that it probably wasn't the best idea and that their presence might hamper their career. Since they haven't even arrived due to the excuse of traffic they've left me to do the show. To be honest I'm probably not gonna be as funny or as liked as who should be doing this, they were always more popular and thus the reason why they were supposed to be hosting. I also would like to apologise for the location, it seems unless you've booked five years in advance that you just can't get anywhere for a ceremony these days, the nimble thimble awards are in my house tonight. So you've got me and the shed, if you don't like it then you can always leave, it would make my job a lot easier . . . . . but you're not going to leave are you? Frell.
[Muffled cry from somewhere at the back more politely translated to 'hurry up'.]
CC:> There is a certain tradition with these awards that we don't embarrass the losers my shoving a camera in their face and ask them to smile and clap. Instead of doing that we embarrass the winners by asking them to deliver a short and preferably humorous speech. Without further ado lets kick it off right about. . . .
The nominations for the Best Friends Poster were.. Randy Hinds Tennant Stuart Adeline
... and the winner is . . . .
[CC glances off-stage and motions] Can I get a drum roll, dramatic music, an intake of breath or something out here. Give me something to work with!
[A backstage worker comes out with a triangle and hits it once giving a short 'ping' sound.]
CC (sighs): The winner is . . .
<*ping*>
Mr. Tennant Stuart!
[Tennant makes his way to the stage to give his speech and the awards cut to a commercial break.]