Inside The Actor's Studio: Joey Tribbiani

[4-in-the-morning kind of idea: What if the Friends characters -- not the actors, but the characters -- were interviewed by James Lipton?]

James Lipton: ...And now we come to the portion of the evening's program where our guest answers the questionnaire invented by Bernard Pivot for his excellent program, "Bouillon du Culture."

Joey Tribbiani: Huh?!

JL: What is your favorite word?

JT: (Looks completely broadsided) ...I'll tell you what my *least* favorite word is, is whatever you just said just now, 'cause I have *no* idea.

JL: Well, what is your *favorite* word?

JT: Um... "Residuals."

JL: And what is your least favorite word?

(JT stares, bewildered.)

JL: ...Okay, I guess we answered that... What sound or noise do you love?

JT: Popcorn.

JL: I said sound.

JT: Yeah, the sound of popcorn. You know, when it's popping.

JL: And what sound or noise do you hate?

JT: ...A whistle. You know, like a police whistle.

JL: What turns you on?

JT: Sandwiches. -- No, wait -- Two sandwiches.

JL: Any particular kind of sandwich?

JT: All of 'em. Make it three sandwiches.

JL: What turns you off?

JT: Hmm... Getting hit in the face with a glass of water. I get that a lot, for some reason.

JL: What profession, other than yours, would you like to attempt?

JT: Male model.

JL: ...Haven't you done that?

JT: *Okay...* Astronaut. (shrugs)

JL: What profession, other than yours, would you not --

JT: -- Tailor.

JL: What is your favorite curse word?

JT: "Va fa Napoli!!" (makes a gesture with his hand under his chin)

JL: ...Good one.

JT: Yeah.

JL: If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say to you when you arrive at the pearly gates?

JT: Oh, wow... Um... "That was good, Mr. Tribbiani. Now if we could do one more take, and *this* time..."

Nobody has responded to these, so I will

Emil, these were terrific. Very funny in spots, downright poignant in others and insightful in moments. And you really understand the characters. Just beautifully done. Thanks for one of the best pieces of writing on this board all year.

In article , "abrahammy" wrote:

What about Gunther?

Favorite word: Rachel Least favorite word: Paleontologist Favorite curse word: (Bangs his fists together twice)

Thanks. I was half asleep when I wrote it, but I'll take the credit anyway. If I'd waited a couple of hours, I would've thought, "Naaah," and deleted it.

Here's my attempt at Ross Geller:

JL: What is your favorite word? RG: Mesozoic. JL: What is your least favorite word? RG: Divorce. JL: If you had to choose another profession, what would it be? RG: Uh, like there is another profession? JL: What profession would you least like to choose? RG: Probably whatever it is that Chandler does. JL: What is your favorite curse word? RG: Gosh. JL: What do you want to hear at the pearly gates? RG: That's enough with the marriages already.