916: Don't talk about it, Do it

Feb 24, 2003, 3:05 PM ET14 posts by 8 posters
14 posts
Bryan

As Dan Ginsburg has reported, the ratings for episode 916, TOW Boob Job, were down significantly. I tend to think part of the reason had to be how lame the opening few minutes, the 'teaser', was. The problem was the scene was too static, too lifeless, and some marginal viewers likely decided to check out the competition. Basic screenwriting technique teaches that characters are not supposed to tell the story, they are supposed to act it out. That problem is called expositional or "on the nose" dialogue. If the writers wanted to introduce the idea of Monica and Chandler needing money, they should NOT have them sitting at a table saying to each other "We need money." There have to be more imaginative ways to introduce their borrowing-from-Joey imperative. Along these lines, I have taken the liberty of writing a replacement teaser for the episode introducing Monica and Chandler's financial difficulties. The original teaser had 261 words of dialogue and mine has about 240 so I think it would fit in the time allowed, allowing that this one has more movement within the scene.

FADE IN:

MONICA & CHANDLER'S PLACE Chandler is by himself, watching TV. He is wearing the typical slacker uniform, baggy shorts that go down to his knees, a baggy t-shirt with some idiotic phrase printed on the front, a baseball cap turned backwards and he is barefoot. Monica enters. She is wearing a black leather jacket, black slacks and sweater, and black leather boots. She looks intimidating and is evidently upset. She holds her purse over her shoulder like a cowboy holds a gun in a holster and marches directly towards Chandler.

                            CHANDLER
              Hey hon, how's it going?

She doesn't respond until she is very close to him.

                            MONICA
                         (angry)
              How's it going? How's it going? Something
              like this.

She punches him in the stomach. He falls like a sack of potatoes.

                            MONICA (CONT'D)
              Guess where I just came from?
                            CHANDLER
              Boxing class?
                            MONICA
              No, the supermarket.  When I tried to pay for
              our groceries, they rejected my credit card,
              said we're over the limit.  I didn't have
              enough cash on me so I had to walk out with
              nothing.  I've never been so humiliated in my
              life, Chandler.  Have you been using my card?
                            CHANDLER
              Well, I bought a few things.

Monica notices something connected to the TV.

                            MONICA
              What is this?
                            CHANDLER
              A new DVD player.  This one can handle five
              discs at a time.  The old one only took one.
              It was such a hassle.
                            MONICA
                        (sarcastic)
              Oh, I know.  It's terrible to get off your
              butt and change the disc once every TWO
              HOURS!
                            CHANDLER
              No, I needed it for the this.  Check it out:
              Baywatch, The Complete Third Season. We're
              talking Pamela Anderson and Yasmine Bleeth.
                       (pleading now)
              Pamela and Yasmine, Pamela and Yasmine. I
              had to have it, I had to, I had to, I had to!
                            MONICA
              Say goodbye to to your girlfriends, because
              this is going back to the store.
                            CHANDLER
              No, please don't!

Chandler falls to his knees and begs, grabbing her ankle momentarily as she walks away. He falls to the floor, dejected.

Tomislav GrabicBryan

replacement

[...]

I like it, quite inventive :-)

Inc71Bryan

Hey Man, that would be far more hilarious... I realy like it...even brought a big smile when i read it..i could totally picture it...

"Bryan" schreef in bericht news:[email]...

TradeInc71

It was funny but I could have done better. You writing your own episode Bryan? You should. I am writing one for next season.

"Inc71" wrote in message news:3e5c7d8f$0$134$[email]...

brought

lrleeTrade

ok---that just absolutely ROCKED!

Ian GoodaBryan

Sorry for my Simon Cowell Impression, but I hated it, far too jumpy. However would've been funnier if it was Joey and Rachel walking in, with Rachel doing the "I did" line

p r i y aIan Gooda

On Sun, 16 Mar 2003 21:14:50 -0500, "Ian Gooda" wrote:

Finally. I thought I was the only one who hated it. You got Monica all wrong.

Priya

Bryanp r i y a

p r i y a wrote in message news:...

You people are so articulate. How will I ever cope in the face of these searing criticisms? "Too jumpy?" I suppose that means he couldn't follow what was happening. Not my fault. I think the dialogue flows pretty clearly. "Monica all wrong?" Anybody's guess what that means. After all, we all know she's never tried to boss Chandler around or dominate him in any way. She wouldn't be the least bit offended by Chandler equating her with one of the Baywatch girls. Monica the wallflower.

p r i y aBryan

On 17 Mar 2003 18:19:14 -0800, [email] (Bryan) wrote:

Oh, I think you should be able to take it since you dish out freely. If it will make you happy, next time I'll think of 61 reasons why I hated it. ;)

The story lost its appeal to me, the minute Monica punches Chandler. Name one incident where she has hit him in all the time that she has bossed over him or gotten mad at him? I can't remember any.

She may be offended by Baywatch remark but her reaction was way over the top. They may do weird stuff during sex but I don't buy that she would get physical with him because she's angry.

Way back, when you got here, I remember your remark that Friends has resorted to cheap, bawdy humor to pull in the viewers. What you have done here isn't very different.

BTW, I did like your Gunther story. That was pretty good. It could be an actual Friends episode.

Priya

Bryanp r i y a

p r i y a wrote in message news:...

I'm willing to concede she hasn't punched him (yet) but the point I was trying to make with my introduction and the scene itself was there should be more action in the scene to allow the story to play out. I really believe the funniest moments on the show have always involved some sort of physicality. Rachel falling off Joey's couch in 616, Monica falling off her chair in 807, and Joey punching Ross - twice - in 902 were absolutely hilarious. I don't think it's a stretch to think Monica would express herself with some play-violence after being humiliated by Chandler.

Her reaction has to be over-the-top to be funny. The definition of comedy involves over-reactions and extreme behavior that bring out the absurdity of situations. Comedy is not about solving problems but getting laughs.

Thanks.

p r i y aBryan

I agree about the physical comedy but in this case, I think it would only make us cringe to watch her hit him. Monica as portrayed on the show would come home and scream her lungs off in that situation. She's been dubbed here as Screechy Monica by some because of that. I hate it but that is what she does when she gets mad, she shrieks. That's why I said that, you got Monica all wrong.

It would be believable if she hit him with a magazine (That was all Rachel did when Ross cheated on her) but then your jokes wouldn't work.

Sure, but it has to be in character, right? I read that and my first thoughts were that she wouldn't react like that; Phoebe would but not Monica. At least, that's how I see it. Anyway, it's very hard to make physical comedy work on text form. Good effort though.

Priya

Bryanp r i y a

p r i y a wrote in message news:...

I'm not trying to beat this point into the ground but I recall in 717 where she wrestled a woman to the ground for her wedding dress. She also wrestled Rachel way back in 213 and clearly got the better of her so it appears she's not a shrinking violet or shreiking violet when it comes to fisticuffs, especially when provoked. When I wrote the scene I hoped most would see it as cartoon violence, equivalent to her leading him around by the ear or kicking him in the shins, and not a descent into spousal abuse. That's why Chandler doesn't get mad.

p r i y aBryan

On 18 Mar 2003 16:10:33 -0800, [email] (Bryan) wrote:

Yes but she hasn't fought with Chandler that way. Even in your examples, she didn't just start throwing punches without warning.

He was probably too terrified to get mad. After all, you had him fall like a sack of potatoes after one punch from her. :D

Priya

Paul Hyettp r i y a

In alt.tv.friends on Mon, 17 Mar 2003 at 20:32:57, p r i y a wrote :

It didn't really work for me, either.

Paul 'US Sitcom Fan' Hyett Website at http://www.activist.demon.co.uk/USsitcoms/