I never suspected that it would be both of them.
British/Anzac/Euro SPOILER SPACE for 921...
S P O I L E R
S P A C E S
S P O I L E R
S P A C E S
921 "TOW the Fertility Test"
The morning after Joey kissed Charlie, Ross seems quite philosophical about it; but Rachel is seething with jealousy - which is not helped by Joey sauntering into Central Perk, holding Charlie's hand.
Ross hides his attraction to Charlie, who apologises for going off with someone else at the party, yet she can't disguise that what she really likes about Joey is his sexual magnetism, not his intellect.
But for such an intelligent woman, Charlie has little idea of how to relate to Joey. Instead of discovering his world, or even opening his eyes to a higher culture, she lets him flounder out of his depth.
Joey turns to Ross, who demonstrates his good virtue by teaching his best friend exactly what to say to her. Joey is an apt pupil, soaking up the art of talking about famous painters, without having a clue of what it all means - but impressing Ross that he learns so quickly.
However, Charlie isn't fooled in the slightest, since Joey took a wrong turn at the museum, and he eloquently talked about the wrong paintings. She admits to Ross that Joey is not the man for her, and reveals that what she wants is someone she has more in common with.
Ross valiantly passes up this opportunity to swoop in, and instead he insists that she should give Joey another chance; since he's a really great guy, while she can always talk art with somebody else. Charlie thanks him, and happily steps out with her new boyfriend once more.
---o0o---
Rachel receives a gift certificate from a new spa, but Phoebe objects to corporate massage chains, then rips the certificate up. Undaunted, Rachel tapes it back together, to go to the spa for a free massage.
However, Phoebe is secretly working there, despite her principles, since they pay good money. Essaying an accent, she instructs Rachel to put her face in the hole of the table, then lets her assume that she's Swedish - but Rachel recognises Phoebe's new shoes.
Revealing she knows the truth, Rachel confronts her, prompting her to quit the spa for her principles. Phoebe agrees, but she's lying again, and returns to work the next day. Thus when she sees that her first client is Rachel Green, Phoebe pretends to be Scottish!
---o0o---
Chandler & Monica have been trying to have a baby for over a year, so it's time for a fertility test. At the clinic, he's very nervous about depositing a specimen in a cup, so she assures him there's nothing to be embarrassed about, since nobody there knows them. In walks Janice.
Janice has come to get her husband Sid checked out, but the Bings cannot believe their bad luck, especially when subjected to Janice's most braying laughs, and then she offers to give Chandler a hand!
But once Chandler has made his contribution, he relaxes, and finds Janice to be pleasant company. Though she warns him that getting the results is the hard part, she assures him that he & Monica will be just fine, since they were�meant to have children.
Yet the results show that both Bings are infertile - his sperm have low motility, while she has an inhospitable environment. Monica starts to cry, so Chandler holds her tight in his comforting embrace, and he solemnly promises her that they are going to figure this one out...
---o0o---
Don't you just love episodes with unresolved bleak endings? Those happily married Bings have been heading for something like this for a while now, and when the blow came, it came hard. However, the tale was invigorated by this season's appearance of Janice Littman, for Maggie Wheeler was on tremendous form. CnM fans must be hoping that Janice's prediction comes true - there are several possibilities.
Meanwhile, Rachel's story leapt to a promising start for JnR fans, then rather lost its way in a slight piece that deserved better.
However, Joey & Ross once again proved what a tremendous duo they can be, with both actors punching above their weight. Though Charlie is little more than a cute prop, she catalysed some marvellous scenes between the guys, giving Matt LeBlanc a chance to show what Joey can do, and enabling David Schwimmer to give us back the Ross we want.
---o0o---
Ooh, who's that sitting in Central Perk between Phoebe & Rachel? It's Emma's pushchair! This becomes obvious after Rachel talks about Ross being the father of her child, and she stretches her right arm out.
Who is Gizzy? The 12yo child of a crew member, or a lucky fan? This episode was aired on May first, and the Magnadoodle board on Joey's door reads "Happy Birthday Gizzy 5:1:91".
Joey's never been very good at telling his left from his right, has he? Could this be a sign of dyslexia?
You know, despite what Joey says about monster trucks, (and that was a funny line), he's a bloody fast study, isn't he? For someone who's being written off as a dumbass, he sure learnt all of that complex text quickly. And not understanding what all those words mean makes them harder to learn, not easier.
Why do Americans hang paintings in museums, and not art galleries?
Why didn't the boys set up a system with secret mobile phones so that Ross could play Cyrano to Joey's Christian? Because this would have made this episode even more similar to an episode of "Coupling"? As it stands, there are many other similarities to the Fertility Clinic episode of "Coupling", which was far funnier, though much ruder.
When Phoebe enters the apartment, look out for Rachel folding some baby clothes, another little hint about Emma's existence.
So now it's Phoebe turn to be the butt of dumb jokes? Wasting money on shoes belonging to a late Shania Twain? That doesn't sound to me like the wily girl who survived all those years on the streets.
And what's up with Monica? I guess she's worried about the coming fertility test, but why is she taking it out on Rachel? First she confronts Rachel in front of their friends for caring about the kiss, and then she tells Phoebe that Rachel wants to go hunting.
Meanwhile, Rachel's promises as a friend aren't worth much are they?
What's wrong with the receptionist's voice? She's nicely spoken, but so what? Or does she only sound weird to Americans?
Mind you, couldn't you just listen to Jennifer Aniston's honeyed tones saying "through the glass doors" all day?
On the other hand, why does Rachel have to go back through the glass doors, when that means going outside the reception area?
Is a large corporate massage spa less scrupulous than an independent massage parlour about hiring any masseuse whose licence is currently revoked? Okay, so that was only for two weeks, but Joey's soap opera party took place the day before, and Rachel's dream can't have been long before that. So, is this really why Phoebe went to work there?
Phoebe looks so good in her starched white uniform, doesn't she?
But with her hair up like that, does she remind you of a pineapple?
Is it like Phoebe to abandon her principles for money? Well, she abandoned her principles pretty quickly for love, didn't she?
What accent was Phoebe attempting before Rachel assumed the masseuse was Swedish? Could it possibly have been Norwegian?
Is it just me, or does Rachel look incredibly beautiful with her face in the hole? Is it because she looks like a medieval princess?
And now it's Rachel's turn to be dumbed down, not knowing the answers to the Swedish questions that she asks of Phoebe.
Phoebe says the spa gives her a four-oh-wonk, which is obviously her way of saying 401-K. So does this mean that Chandler eventually told her that it was a tax advantaged retirement plan, and not a robot?
When Phoebe goes back to work the next day, is she still wearing her Shania Twain shoes?
I don't know how good or bad Phoebe's Norwegian/Swedish accent was, but I can assure you that her Scottish accent was terrible!
In the evening, wearing the same clothes as that morning, Monica asks Chandler what they're doing tonight. Since sex is out of the equation, why didn't he tell his wife that he's taking her & Phoebe to see the one-woman play? This was all the day after the party, yet the previous episode ended with the trio at the theatre. Of course, that could've been on a further night, but they would have not been in the mood..
Chandler & Monica have been trying to have a baby for over a year, so that means Emma is over a year old. What happened to her birthday?
When Chandler says he has a weird feeling about the clinic, is that his stand-in sitting by the door?
Would I be right to suspect that a fertility test should be far more troubling for a woman than it is for a man? An invasive vaginal exam does not sound like a picnic in the park to me.
So, when did Ross tell Janice about Chandler masturbating in a Taco Bell car park? Was it during their brief liaison in Season Five?
And how come Monica masturbated on a class trip to the Hershey Bar factory? Did being surrounded by all that chocolate turn her on?
---o0o---
Wow, both Chandler & Monica turned out to be infertile. That was a shock, wasn't it? Of course, it does seem unlikely, but that's not to say that it cannot happen. More significant is what this means to the overall plot in a thematic sense, for this suggests that the writers are reluctant to undermine the strength of the Bing relationship, as surely would have happened if only one (Chandler) was at 'fault'.
So what now, IVF? Even if Monica "has an inhospitable environment" as it was so delicately put, that doesn't prevent an embryo or five being implanted, does it? So what of Chandler's sperm having a low motility?�Does this rule out fertilisation in a petri dish? And if that is so, whose sperm would be appropriate? Not her brother's...
There are stories (again) in the tabloid press that Courteney is pregnant at last. I hope for her sake that they're true, but what if they are not? Is it this on which the Season 10 arc depends?
Did you get the symbolism of the dead barcalounger? While she was alive, Chandler was more sessile than motile, ordering takeaways to be delivered across the hall, to meet a hostile environment in which Monica angrily ejected them to Chandler's apartment. And then when Chandler finally moved into Monica's hospitality, she was hostile to the poor barcalounger, and rejoiced when she finally died...
No spoilers PLEASE from anyone who has seen any future episodes.
Tennant Stuart