Alt Tv Rewind

JRMNov 22, 2002, 3:45 AM ET

Seeing as how other fans are producing transcripts to complete Eric Aasen's great work, I thought I'd chip in with this. It's the original Chandler/Monica scenes from 803 that had to be dropped for obvious reasons. For my money, they're much better that the 'We're always second' storyline.

I've left it in .htm format - 'cos I'm lazy.

<title>The One Where They Deleted Scenes</title> </head> <body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000"> <h1 align="center">The One Where They Deleted Scenes</h1> <hr> Transcribed by: John Masson</a>

This material is from the UK DVD of Series 8. <hr> CAPTION: The following scenes were deleted from the episode "The One Where Rachel Tells Ross" and are being presented here for the first time. The story involved Chandler joking with security at an airport and was to air two weeks after the events of September 11, 2001. In light of this, we decided to replace the original story. As part of the history of the show, we hope that the scenes can now be viewed in the spirit which they were originally intended.

[Scene 1: Airport Check-in. Monica and Chandler are next in line.]

Chandler: No problem getting a cab. No traffic. My way totally works.

Monica: Yeah. I feel totally relaxed. totally calm. (A space opens up at the desk) Go, go go go!!

(She pushes Chandler towards the desk. He hands over the tickets)

Attendant: Let's see, you're on the flight to Nassau.. Mr Bing, you'll be in 25J, and Mrs Bing, You'll be in 25K.

Monica: (laughing to herself) Hoohoo, Mrs Bing.

Attendant: It *is* a funny name.

Chandler: She's not laughing at the name. We just got married, we're going on our honeymoon.

Attendant: Oh. Really? Congratulations. You know what, let me see what I can do. (She checks her computer) There was a cancelation, I can bump you into first class.

Chandler: Wow, thank you. (to Monica) See, if we had gotten here earlier, those seats might not have been available. Compromise works.

Monica: My name is Mrs Bing. Haven't I compromised enough?

[Scene 2: Airport security. Monica is about to go through the metal detector. She is busy removing her bracelets, belt etc.. A guy behind her is getting impatient]

Guy1: Could you hurry up?

Monica: Hey, I've never set one of these off before, and I'm not about to start now. (she moves to go through, but stops) Oops, one more sec. (she removes her ankle bracelet) My anklet. That was a close one. (finally she walks through the machine. There is a sudden absence of alarms. Monica raises her arms in exhaltation) Yes!! (she collects her stuff and puts them back on)

(Chandler passes though and notices a sign on the wall)

Chandler: Hey, look at that. (reading) "Federal law prohibits any joking regarding aircraft highjacking or bombing". (to the woman operating the detector) You don't worry about me ma'am, I take my bombs *very* seriously.

(He is immediately grabbed by a security guard)

Security Guard: Sir, you want to come with us?

(The guard quickly hauls Chandler back through the metal detector and away)

Monica: No, wait. Chandler, wait! (she grabs her bag and rushes after him, setting off the detector alarm. Monica stops just long enough to inform the security woman:) That doesn't count! Backwards doesn't count!

[Scene 3: A small nondescript office. Chandler and Monica are being grilled by two FBI agents]

Chandler: Look, this is ridiculous. I was just making a joke. I mean, I know the sign says 'No jokes about bombs', but shouldn't the sign really say: 'No Bombs'? I mean, isn't that the guy we have to really worry about here? The guy with the bombs? Not the guy who jokes about his bombs. Not that I have bombs, but if I did, I probably wouldn't joke about them. I'd probably want to keep that rather quiet! (the agents stare impassively at him.) ..I'm sorry, you have some questions for me?

Agent 1: Miss, what is your association with this man?

Monica: He's my husband.

Agent 1: (writing something down) I see.

Monica: Oh, but only for a few days. I mean, I don't know what he does when he's outside the house.

Chandler: Thank you, darling. (to agents) You see, this is the first time we're travelling my way, so it's very important that we make this flight. See, it's one of those 'her plan versus my plan' kind of things.

Agent 2: What do you mean by 'plan'?

Chandler: ..You really should just ask me 'Yes' or 'No' questions.

(Agent 1 puts Monica's suitcase on the table)

Monica: Oh no, that's not his bag. That's my bag.

Agent 2: It's just procedure.

(Agent 1 opens the suitcase)

Monica: No, you see, you don't understand. See, everything is packed perfectly. It took me forever to do this. Okay, there's like over fifty folded pieces. (Agent 1 checks the bag, removing items as he does so. Monica is getting visibly more hyper and upset) You're mean!

[Scene 4: The same office, after the interview. Agent 1 hands back the tickets to Chandler]

Agent 1: Okay, you're free to go.

Chandler: Thank you. Thanks. And listen, about those Speedo's, I don't know how they got in there.

Monica and Chandler leave the office, into a corridor. Monica's mobile starts ringing, they stop while she answers it.

Monica: Hello?

[Cut to Chandler and Monica's apartment. Joey and Phoebe are there]

Joey: (on phone) Hey, it's Joey. Listen, Phoebe and I smell gas coming from your apartment.

Monica: (phone) What? Are you serious? (to Chandler) Joey smells gas.

Chandler: What else is new?

Joey: (phone) Yeah, we'd go check it out, but you took away our keys.

Monica: (phone) Well do something!

Joey: (phone) You want us to break down your door?

Monica: (phone) Yes!

Joey: (phone) And you won't blame us for any damage?

<p><b>Monica:</b> (phone) No!!

Joey: (gives Pheobe the thumbs up) (phone) Okay now, you're sure you want us to do this?

Monica: (phone) (sarcastically) No, I want you to stay in there and wait for the whole place to blow up!

(As if by magic the FBI Agents appear behind Monica)

Agent 1: Step back inside, please.

End

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803a Transcript - Deleted Scenes