James Lipton: This is the part of the program when I read the famous questionnaire --
CB: -- Hooh boy.
JL: Is that all right?
CB: Yeah, it's fine, it's just -- I heard all about this part. I have no clue *what* to say.
JL: Don't worry. You'll do just fine.
CB: Okey-dokey. (Winces at what he's just said.)
JL: ...What is your favorite word?
CB: My favorite word... Let's see... (At least 15 seconds of silence.) ...My favorite word...
JL: Just say whatever pops into your head.
CB: ...My *favorite* word...
JL: Anything at this point is fine.
CB: "Cloissonne."
JL: ...All right. And what is your least favorite word?
CB: ...Excuse me for this... "N----r."
JL: I completely agree.
CB: Yes. There's absolutely no use for that word. You don't want to have anything to do with anyone who can use that word.
JL: ...What sound or noise do you love?
CB: What sound or noise do I love. Um -- laughter. I like it when people laugh. Or at least smirk.
JL: And what sound or noise do you hate?
CB: The sound of a duck vomiting. Trust me.
JL: ...What turns you on?
CB: Actually -- bowling. I love everything about it. I love the sound of the ball rolling down the lane, that crisp sound when you get a really good strike. I even love the shoes. I wish I could get shoes like that. I've looked everywhere, but I can't find any -- and I live in the Village. ...You're not really taping this, are you?
JL: Yes, we are.
CB: S--t.
JL: What turns you off?
CB: -- Now *that* I can tell you. I hate it, *hate* it, when people imitate the way I talk.
JL: I know. Could that *be* any more irritating?
(CB glowers at him.)
JL: I am genuinely sorry. ...What profession, other than yours, whatever that is, would you like to attempt?
CB: I sometimes think about becoming a writer. ...Maybe for a TV show. You remember the Dick Van Dyke Show? Rob Petrie? His job. I wanted to be Rob Petrie when I was growing up.
JL: And what profession would you definitely not want?
CB: ...I wouldn't want to be an actor. My friend, Joey, he's an actor. Well -- ...Okay, he's an actor. It's very, very hard.
JL: What is your favorite curse word?
CB: Oh, I don't know. "M----------r," I guess. Not the word I used before. That's not even a curse word.
JL: If heaven exists --
CB: -- Wait a minute! ..."Crapweasel."
JL: ...If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
CB: (Thinks for a moment, then grins.) "Now *that* was funny!"