Okay, so like, I was totally looking forward to, like, finding out if like, "Daria" would transfer well if it was totally done in Valleyspeak, or if it would be SO grody and dweeblike, so like, I went to the Valley URL (http://www.80s.com/Entertainment/ValleyURL/) and I totally typed in the URL to reach, like, the transcript from # 401 on, like, Outpost Daria, but like, I got this mega error that was totally bogus, so I did some adjusting, and like, I found out the right URL (http://saturn.hostrack.com/outpost-daria.com/httpdocs/ts_ep401.html) and I totally found it!! And it is so totally awesome! Daria is still totally smart and Quinn is still totally grody to the max. Like, anyway, here's like a sample for you, but like, if you don't want to know, like, don't scroll, like, in the words of I totally believe Michael Quinn or something....
Partner's Complaint Episode #401 Written by Glenn Eichler (opening theme song)
(Daria and Jane walking home from school)
Jane - Like, gag me with a spoon! And we're sitting there, trying to watch the movie, and this dweeb next to Totally Dorky just totally won't shut up Anyway... So finally, Totally Dorky takes out a ten-dollar bill and says to him, "Barf me out! Hey, buddy, I'll pay for your popcorn if you promise to sit somewhere else after you get it."
Daria - Like, gag me with a spoon! And then he developed a vaccine for polio, and tricked Rumpelstiltskin into revealing his name.
Jane - Oh, come on, you totally have to admit, that young Totally Dorky is totally a clever fellow.
So bitchin
Daria - Like, duh! Young Totally Dorky? Like, I am so sure! Is that how they talk at his preparatory academy?
Jane - Barf me out! Hey, I told you, his parents make him go there.
So okay, I was at the mall, when this mondo geekmo came up to me said that I was a total fox, so, like for fun I told him I thought he was a hunk, and he got majorly excited, so I had to ditch him!
Anyway... Daria - Gosh, totally has he tried buying them some popcorn if they'll let him go somewhere else?
(horn honks as Tom's wheels pulls up to Daria and Jane)
Like totally
Totally Dorky - Yo. Barf me out! Hey, Daria.
Jane - Yo.
Daria - Why, young Totally Dorky... how nice to see you.
Totally Dorky - Anybody want a ride home?
So okay, I was at the mall, when this total dork came up to me and started freaking out, so, I like totally told him to gag me!
Anyway... Daria - That's very thoughtful of you, but since I live two houses down, I guess I'll pass.
Like, I totally just remembered, I have go to the mall later because me and Lisa and Heather and Heather's sister Sherry (who is such a total drag), we're like gonna go shopping, you know?
Anyway... Totally Dorky - Oh, yeah.
Jane - Well, I'll take that ride. (gets into Tom's car) See you later.
Totally Dorky - See you later, Daria.
I am sooo sure that you're not out scoping for Tom Cruise right now.
Daria - Later. (sighs as wheels speeds away)
(school bell rings)
(at Daria's locker)
I had this totally bitchin' time last night! Like, me and Lisa, we went to the arcade and we met these two totally awesome bohunks and they asked if we'd wanna party with them and like, I'm SO sure, we said yes. So they ditched their dweeb friend that was with them and we went to their place and got totally trashed.
Anyway... Daria Anyway... So, what did you do last night?
Jane - Oh, you know, not much.
Gag me with a spoon
Daria - Like, duh! You went out with Tom?
Jane - Well... yeah.
Oh my God!
Daria - Like, duh! You know, you totally don't totally have to tiptoe around me like I'm some sort of hysterical nut job. (closes locker)
Jane Like, there are many words I could use to describe you. Hysterical is totally not among them.
(Daria and Jane approach Kevin and Brittany)
Brittany - I know what you think, but I know what I think, and I think I think just as well as you think, totally don't you think?
Kevin - Babe, if it were up to me, I'd want you to totally have the brain power of a dweeb, but it's science. Hunks are smarter, because like we totally have more muscle mass in our heads.
Brittany - I'm just as smart as you, maybe smarter.
Kevin - (laughing) Okay, like, fer sure you are.
Brittany - Don't you fratronize me! Like, oh my gawd! (walks away in a huff)
Kevin - Like, duh! You think I totally don't know what that means? Like, I am so sure! I know what that means! Like, oh my gawd! (walks away in a huff)
Jane Like, they're fighting over who's smarter?
Daria Like, there's a battle of the Titans.
Jane - I totally don't know. Like, duh! You gotta give Brittany credit for not feeling like she totally has to conform to his image of her.
Daria - What's that supposed to mean?
Jane - Huh?
Like, dUUhhh!
Daria - Are you comparing Kevin and Brittany to you and me?
Jane Like, there's, like, 16 possible combinations there, and not a single one of them works.
Daria - Kevin should accept Brittany saying she's smart, and I should accept you and this whole Totally Dorky worship.
Jane - Daria, you're making a big leap here, and I totally don't worship Totally Dorky or anyone else. Get over it.
Daria - I am. (walks away)
(in Mrs. Bennett's class)
Oh right
Mrs. Bennett - Class, this will be very exciting. We're going to set aside our books and experience some real-life economics: renting an apartment, applying for a credit card, opening a retirement account. Of course, I totally don't expect you to actually rent an apartment or what totally have you. Like, duh! You'll just go through as much of the process as you can and report back on your experiences. Like, duh! Your assignment tonight is totally to pick a project and a partner.
Daria - Excuse me, what if like we prefer to work alone?
Oh my gawd! I totally like your hair!
Mrs. Bennett - I'd totally rather you work with someone, Daria. In the real world, like we rarely make financial decisions without having to consider someone else's needs and wishes.
Daria - Lousy real world.
(school bell rings)
(Daria and Jane walking outside)
Jane Anyway... So, you want to do the project alone, hmm?
Daria - Kind of. I kind of said that to tick you off.
Jane - It worked.
(Jodie approaches)
Jodie - Are you dweebs doing that economics project together?
Jane - Not necessarily.
Daria - It's not looking bitchin'
Bitchin'
Jodie - Totally?
Jane - Aren't you working with young Mack?
OH! I almost forgot to tell you! There is like this bitchin' sale goin' on at like The Merry Go Round this week and like I went there and picked up a few minis and this totally cool hat and charged it on Daddy's card. Everything was going fine until this totally skanked-out saleslady tried to get me to buy this mondo grody belt. I was like "gag me, lady, don't make me barf!" So she like rung me up and... oh nevermind, I'll tell you later.
Anyway... Jodie - I totally don't know -- he's kind of grody to the max with money. Like, he's been overdrawn on his allowance for a while now.
Daria Like, how long?
Jodie - Since third grade.
Like, I'm sure! Can you believe that Lisa actually thinks that she can date Kevin?!? She like called up last night and asked what I thought he would like think of her. Yeah, right, like you can tell a friend that he think she's a totally slag or something.
(Kevin passes behind the heifers and approaches Brittany)
Like, I totally just remembered, I have this hunk of a friend named Tad, and he's so totally studly!
Anyway... Kevin Anyway... So, babe, what do you want to do for our economics project?
Brittany - I'm not doing any project with you, you big ape. (pushes Kevin away)
Jane - Uh-oh.
Kevin - Oh, yeah? Like, I am so sure Like, then who are you going to do your project with?
OH MY GOD! Tad asked me out!!! I was like so nervous that I spilled my New Coke all over the place. I am so sure! I must have looked like a total nerd!
Brittany - Um...
(view like, you know, totally turns into a Terminator/RoboCop-like scope, whirring and buzzing before closing in on Jodie)
Jodie - (quickly) Um, Daria, do you want to work with me on this project?
Daria - Huh? Like, I am so sure! (looks at Jane)
Jane - Don't do me any favors.
Daria - Sure, Jodie, why not?
Jodie - Okay, cool.
(Brittany approaches)
Brittany - Jodie, Mr. Thompson and I are not speaking, so do you want to do the economics project with me?
Jodie - Aw, gee, Brittany, I wish I could, but I promised Daria I'd do it with her.
Brittany - Oh... well, um, how like, you know, about you, Jane?
Jane - Like, duh! You want to do a class project with me?
Brittany - Well, not totally, but I mean, you're right here and all.
Oh MY Gawwwd!
Jane - Oh, Brittany, you sweet-talker, you. (Jane and Brittany walk away)
Daria - (to no one in particular) I hate everybody. (to Jodie Anyway... So, you ready to work?
Like, I totally just remembered, I have this dweeb friend named Larry, and he thinks he is sooo hot, but really, he's grody to the max!
Anyway... (at Daria's house)
Jodie - Come on, Daria. If you totally don't like any of those other projects, all we're left with is totally taking out a small-business loan, renting an apartment, or budgeting a funeral.
(Quinn enters living room holding cordless phone)
Quinn - Um, that's sweet of you, Russell, but like we just went out two weeks ago, so I totally totally can't go out with you again for another three weeks. Well, I consider a hospital visit a date Anyway... Sorry. Anyway, bitchin' luck with the studly kidney and all. Bye. (exits living room)
Daria - Is that by any chance a sibling's funeral?
No way
Jodie - Why totally don't like we try the loan? Like, I am so sure! I do want to like totally start my own business after college.
(Jake enters living room holding cellular phone)
Jake - Come on, Mel, give me another shot. We'll totally have them lining up to buy methane-powered hot tubs. Barf me out! Hey, how like, you know, about this catchphrase: "So it smells? Like, I am so sure Anyway... So what!" (pause) Come on, Mel, they're going to repossess my parking space! Like, oh my gawd! (exits living room)
Daria - Uh huh, uh huh, right, let's like totally start a business. Nothing like being your own boss.
Jodie - What should like we call our company?
Daria - "Brink of Bankruptcy, Incorporated?"
Jodie Like, how like, you know, about "Millennium Project Enterprises"?
(Helen enters living room holding cellular phone)
Helen - No, no, absolutely not! Like, oh my gawd! It's unethical, it's immoral, it may well be illegal. I'll totally have no part of it. Okay, I'll do it. (exits living room)
Jodie - It's a little busy in here. Like, duh! You want to take a break and get some pizza?
Daria - Can I put it on my Millennium Project Enterprises expense report?
(Jodie sighs and rolls her eyes)
Like, I totally love it!!
(*giggle*)
LI (just stuck in the '80s tonight after listening to "The Amazing '80s" [a syndicated all-'80s music radio program that I used to be a huge fan of when I was in HS] for the first time in a LONG time)