I have moral issues with this "vote more than once for Daria" concept. But I thought that rather than debate my opinion [as previously mentioned, we all agree to disagree :)], I whipped up a very short story [not even 5K] to speak for me. I know that posting fanfiction isn't something done `round here, but this was too short and quickly created to be really worthy of a website post. So without further ado, I bring you...
IT'S A SICK, SAD, SAD, SAD, SAD WORLD
[Int. Daria's room. Day.]
[Daria and Jane sit on the bed watching television.]
TV: In a bit of *really* sick, sad news, next week will be our series
finale.
DARIA: Great. The only thing that killed time in my life is going off the
air.
JANE: Oh, there's still lint flicking.
TV: What we need you to do is protest! Rally! Picket! Yeah, even those
little letter campaigns if they work. Just get your network to realize
that the world *needs* its sickness and sadness to be unmasked!
DARIA: That is just cheap, blunt desperation pleading from the media.
JANE: ...Works for me.
DARIA: Me too.[Int. Morgendorffer living room.]
[Daria holds a clipboard to Jake, who is on the couch.]
DARIA: Dad, would you sign this petition to keep Sick, Sad World on the air?
We're gonna send it to its network to keep it running.
[Helen makes her way from the kitchen to up the stairs.]
JAKE: Oh, Daria, that show is just a bad influence on children your age. I
really don't think that it'd be a great idea to--
[Helen has exited.]
JAKE: Give me that. [Takes the clipboard and signs] Good luck, Kiddo. I love
that show.
DARIA: Thanks, Dad.[Int. Lawndale High hallway.] [Daria petitions Andrea.] ANDREA: I don't watch TV. It's the work of the devil... I just contradicted myself, didn't I? DARIA: Oh yeah.
[Elsewhere in the school, Daria petitions Upchuck.] UPCHUCK: Of course! I gladly sign my soul over for-r-r-r-r you. DARIA: [Walks away] Forget it.
[Elsewhere, to Kevin and Brittany.] BRITTANY: No way! That show's icky! KEVIN: I'd probably sign... but I just forgot how to write.
[Int. Barch's classroom.] BARCH: You're getting truly desperate, aren't you? DARIA: Yes!
[Int. hallway.]
[Daria petitions Jodie and Mack.]
JODIE: As much as I am for free speech and all, I really don't like that
program all that much.
MACK: I'll sign. [Jodie elbows him] Ooof! Um... maybe later. [Elbow] Oof!
I mean... oh, just forge my signature if you must. I gotta go.
[Both walk away.]
DARIA: Forge?[Int. Jane's room.]
[Daria and Jane sit on the bed.]
JANE: Fake signatures? Sure, I can do that. I can copy anyone's handwriting.
I only got through my freshman year by signing my own report cards.
DARIA: I dunno. Something about this just seems... dirty. The bad kind of
dirty.
JANE: Would you go so far as to say it's sick?
DARIA: And sad...
JANE: We gotta do this![Int. Morgendorffer living room.]
[Jane, Daria, and even Jake himself watch Sick, Sad World on TV.]
TV: Sick, Sad World is back on the air! Many have written in to save the one
program that reveals the "truth" about our society. We'd like to give a
great salute to the folks of Lawndale... uh, I can't quite make out the
state, here.
JANE: C'mon. Everyone knows we're just a couple miles from Springfield.
TV: We'll find out soon enough! Because, Lawndale, we're coming over there
to thank you personally!
JAKE: Wow! Isn't that great?!
[Daria and Jane glance at each other.]
DARIA: Uhhhhh... yyyyyeah.[Int. Lawndale High hallway.] [Jane and Daria stand around their lockers.] DARIA: The crew of Sick, Sad World has been going through school to interview its "fans," but half the people haven't even heard of it! JANE: I suppose it's confession time. DARIA: [Sighs] Yeah. Oh, there's the reporter right now. Should we? JANE: You do it. It was your idea. DARIA: Me?!
[Shot of the TV in Daria's room, the screen being the same Lawndale High
scenario.]
DARIA: Yes, I and a colleague who wishes to remain nameless, whom we shall
simply call JANE Doe...
JANE: [O.S.] D'oh!
DARIA: ...Faked almost the entire petition to save the show. We... apologize
to all those part of "the system."
[The screen stays still and shrinks into the upper corner so a reporter is
seen.]
REPORTER: So said Ms. Daria Morgendorffer of Lawndale, NT. Oddly enough,
though, the false publicity led to a stronger cult following of
the TV show, ratings soaring higher than ever in its seven year
run. It is said that it didn't matter if it was good or bad,
publicity was publicity nonetheless. In other news...[Int. Daria's room.] [Daria and Jane watching the news report.] DARIA: I wonder if there was any moral in this. JANE: Sure there was... Just none that we were actually supposed to learn.
End
--- John Berry